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All the Sex you could Possibly Want!

What science can tell us about sex.
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Irnmyk
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Re: All the Sex you could Possibly Want!

Post by Irnmyk »

Link+Zelda wrote: Sun May 23, 2021 5:37 am
Claymore wrote: Sat May 22, 2021 8:08 pm I don’t know that it would fix anything, but more sex could be the beginning of a virtuous cycle. More sex leads to more intimacy, to deeper connection, to better sleep, which leads to more energy, to better mood, leading to better attitude, more affection, to more sex . . . onward and upward.
I definitely agree with this. We've seen many stories here where that's true for people who did the seven-day sex challenge (or something similar). In general, there are a lot of positive feedback loops in the MB, and you want those feedback loops working for you, not against you. The biggest issue is getting both spouses on board at the start.
I definitely agree with this too. I have some positive feedback to present.

This Covid interlude, working from home for almost a year and a half now, no more commutes, gyms closed and those that have reopened at reduced rates, etc., etc., plus our personal situation, empty nester's, HRT and TRT driven libidos, has lead to more sex - much more than we ever had or could have had with our former lifestyles and schedules - and it has worked out just like @Claymore outlined above.

I can see a change in myself. I am different now that I get all that I want (and maybe more than I want.... contemplate that... or maybe that is more than I can handle....). I am more generous, more willing to do things that I would have previously resented being asked to do. In fact, I'll volunteer to do things that now surprise me when I do.

Sometimes it is just because the doing of them will require me to be in her presence, and that is a wonderful thing. Sometimes, it is just because of the joy of doing for her. Doing for her seems to have intangible rewards for me, so it follows the @Claymore cycle.....

I thought that @Claymore was absolutely prescient with his statement above.
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Violet
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Re: All the Sex you could Possibly Want!

Post by Violet »

Beccaloo wrote: Sun May 16, 2021 3:25 pm In a conversation recently it was asked:

What would happen if the LD/gate keeper/refusing spouse gave the HD/ wanting spouse as much sex as they wanted?

My head would explode and I'd be in bliss. ::spin ::luv
Beccaloo wrote: Sun May 16, 2021 3:25 pmWould it fix anything?

YES! Sex is a STRONG emotional aspect of our marriage (for me) so I'd be getting those emotional ties physically which is the whole cake and the icing and frankly what I expected from marriage in the first place. I'd be bonding with him that much more! That's bliss! ::clap
Beccaloo wrote: Sun May 16, 2021 3:25 pmWould the HD spouse reach a point of satisfaction that lead to more spacing between sexual events?
Probably not. I always have ideas that just don't turn off of what we can do together. One time we actually tried to go every day of the week and it was so fun (for me).
Wife of 20 years
olafthewise
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Re: All the Sex you could Possibly Want!

Post by olafthewise »

Yeah the power she has to wield sex as a motivator for the husband is a weapon poorly used and clumsy as well. Revenge and "just not feeling it," get in the way.
My wife in years past hinted that sex would happen more if I was a nicer person. Nicer dad, nicer husband, etc. I felt that I was a nice guy and studious too. She disagreed. So therefore, its my fault I don't get more sex, or any sex for that matter. When that excuse wears out, she's ill but does many things for the kids. And the result is simply an endless moving target that can never be reached.
Like many women, my wife wants me to be...like a woman...soft spoken, nice all the time and cries when people lack empathy.
Its like blind poker; no matter the hand, I lose. She wins and sleeps soundly. (but complains she didn't sleep amidst her snore, and therefore sex has to wait)
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newwifenewlife
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Re: All the Sex you could Possibly Want!

Post by newwifenewlife »

Beccaloo wrote: Sun May 16, 2021 3:25 pm In a conversation recently it was asked:

What would happen if the LD/gate keeper/refusing spouse gave the HD/ wanting spouse as much sex as they wanted?

Would it fix anything?

Would the HD spouse reach a point of satisfaction that lead to more spacing between sexual events?.
While I’m not with a gatekeeper, I am with an LD spouse right now who chooses to bless me. It brings us closer together emotionally. I feel loved. Both of us sleep better. We actually act like a pendulum trying to find equilibrium, sometimes swinging one way then another based on life, a “disagreement” :? :roll:, my own stupidity or selfishness, or being married and in love. We could go days or much of a week without sex and then have multiple encounters on the wknd to make up for it or we could pace things out during the week. My point is that we both come to a satiation point, when enough is enough, emotionally to feel full ::praise and physically to feel empty :D (Which has definitely changed with age).
MrMarried
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Re: All the Sex you could Possibly Want!

Post by MrMarried »

Yes, I think it would be great for marriage. My wife is LD than I am, and a bit of a gatekeeper.
bandaddie
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Re: All the Sex you could Possibly Want!

Post by bandaddie »

When we were in our fourtys, we separated for 18 months and went through divorce proceedings. We reconciled just a few days before the divorce was to be finalized. I will not, at this time, go into details, just know that much of the back story.
A year later, we had our youngest child.
Shortly there after, for our fiftieth birthdays, and for our marriage renewal, we agreed to commit to "The Thirty Day Challenge", promising to make love every day for thirty days.
At the end of thirty days, we both decided to keep it going for as long as we were able. This lasted 147 days, ending only because a genetically transmitted disease took hold of our lives. 147 days is quite remarkable considering our ages and the addition of a baby into our lives.
We did have all the sex we could desire and hope for and much more.
Did it improve our lives and our marriage?
Today, we read this question together and discussed it at length.
The answer is a resounding YES.
Besides the obvious pleasure, there are accompanying benefits which come into play;
To do this, communication skills must become stronger and more open.
Both parties must commit to their own individual thought and planning, on a daily, even hourly basis.
Both parties must be willing to engage in self-actualized behaviors; their actions must be 100% committed and intentional. It must be "on-purpose."
We also made a commitment to pray regularly, not just saying "thank you" to each other, but also "thank you" to God for the love and spiritual, emotional, and physical pleasure we were sharing.
At the end of 147 days, her CMT had taken full effect and I became infected with Lyme Disease, which added distress to an all ready damaged heart. At the very time our relationship with each other and with God was tested utterly, we had in place the strong weapons needed to overcome all things, though complete unity.
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newwifenewlife
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Re: All the Sex you could Possibly Want!

Post by newwifenewlife »

bandaddie wrote: Fri Jun 18, 2021 8:11 pm When we were in our fourtys, we separated for 18 months and went through divorce proceedings. We reconciled just a few days before the divorce was to be finalized. …
Shortly there after, for our fiftieth birthdays, and for our marriage renewal, we agreed to commit to "The Thirty Day Challenge", promising to make love every day for thirty days.
At the end of thirty days, we both decided to keep it going for as long as we were able. This lasted 147 days, ending only because a genetically transmitted disease took hold of our lives. 147 days is quite remarkable considering our ages and the addition of a baby into our lives.
We did have all the sex we could desire and hope for and much more.
Did it improve our lives and our marriage?
Today, we read this question together and discussed it at length.
The answer is a resounding YES.
Besides the obvious pleasure, there are accompanying benefits which come into play;
To do this, communication skills must become stronger and more open.
Both parties must commit to their own individual thought and planning, on a daily, even hourly basis.
Both parties must be willing to engage in self-actualized behaviors; their actions must be 100% committed and intentional. It must be "on-purpose."
We also made a commitment to pray regularly, not just saying "thank you" to each other, but also "thank you" to God for the love and spiritual, emotional, and physical pleasure we were sharing.

Truth!!! Thanks for sharing your story. Yeah God!
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