"Alpha by Day, Beta by Night"

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SeekingChange
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"Alpha by Day, Beta by Night"

Post by SeekingChange »

This whole "Alpha Male" discussion, brought to mind an article and thread I shared long ago..... Alpha by Day, Beta by Night... this is for the ladies.

As @Tantalum said,
Tantalum wrote: Thu Sep 22, 2022 7:15 am I am weary of ideas derived directly from zoology that supposedly explain all aspects of human behavior. We are not animals, even if we share some biological characteristics with them.
I totally agree! But for the sake of ease and cultural use, I use these terms.

This author is NOT Christian, and I have not read the book, but in the article alone, it spoke to me and my situation and history.

What is spoken of in the article, and the title alone, I have had to learn on my own. It was a hard thing (for me anyway) to find a balance as one with the natural personality of an "alpha woman" and God's directive to be a "submissive wife".

I found this to be true...
Then, at some point down the road, probably after kids came along, you grabbed the reins and took over. You became the Alpha. And your husband, who’s Alpha by nature (all that testosterone!) either rose to meet your energy level, which resulted in conflict, or he stepped back and let you take over—which means the sexual energy between you has waned.

That’s because most women don’t want to be in charge of their man. Their lives? Yes. But not their man. In fact, the more dominant or dictatorial a wife has become, the more she’s crying out for her husband to be the stronger one. She’s testing him. That is the nature of sex and sex roles.
I have said the part in bold multiple times in the past and, because I know that it was true for me. We want our husband's to lead, and we will test to see if they are "strong enough" or "man enough" to do so.... we need a stronger man to lead this strong woman.

This time around in rereading the article I saw this,
  • "A woman can be a force to be reckoned with, or an “alpha,” in life and a soft, vulnerable beta in love. She doesn’t have to walk around with her alpha all the time. She can relax at home and let her man drive the bus."

Has anyone else seen the concept of the whole article (not just the quote) played out in their lives? What ways have you, whether a wife, husband of a wife described or as a couple, learned to balance this seemingly contrasting "personality"?
God can change what people do, behavioral patterns that have been in play for decades. He can change what we do to cope, to find comfort, to survive conflict, to count. Rahab had done a same old thing for years... and then she did something new.
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Re: "Alpha by Day, Beta by Night"

Post by Irnmyk »

I have stated, more than once, I think, on this board that when I was DISC Profile tested, the person who tested me instructed me to take the test as the Irnmyk at work - owning my own business; buck stopped at my desk - did that make me the 'alpha male' there? - which I did.

Upon completion, he tossed another test form to me and said "now take the test again, as the Irnmyk at home in DW's house. (He knew us personally) which I did.

Then he graded the two, and the "D" which in that system is the Dominant value, which was sky high with the "me at work", went down significantly when he graded the "me at home" test.

And, I think that is right. I don't (and didn't) want to be the "D" at home that I had to be at work to run a business.

I'll say for DW, in the areas of her domain within our marriage, there are some times where she is "large and in charge!!!". But, in others, like the MB, she is my little kitten. So, I've seen her both ways, and both were appropriate at their respective times.
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Re: "Alpha by Day, Beta by Night"

Post by KatieMarie »

I think there is a vast difference between how my DH acts at the office, and how he acts at home. Does that mean he is a “beta” here? Nope. It just means that he is more comfortable letting his guard down with me than he is out in the world.
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Re: "Alpha by Day, Beta by Night"

Post by SeekingChange »

This is about "alpha females".
God can change what people do, behavioral patterns that have been in play for decades. He can change what we do to cope, to find comfort, to survive conflict, to count. Rahab had done a same old thing for years... and then she did something new.
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Re: "Alpha by Day, Beta by Night"

Post by KatieMarie »

oops! I’m capable of being “alpha” when it comes to things like decor, and what I choose to make for dinner. Other than that, I don’t have any interest in being an alpha chick.
SeekingChange wrote: Thu Sep 22, 2022 11:54 am This is about "alpha females".
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Re: "Alpha by Day, Beta by Night"

Post by SeekingChange »

KatieMarie wrote: Thu Sep 22, 2022 12:06 pm oops! I’m capable of being “alpha” when it comes to things like decor, and what I choose to make for dinner. Other than that, I don’t have any interest in being an alpha chick.
:lol: This has nothing to do with "interest", it's more about nature and personality, at least for me. Some of us have a natural, take charge, be in control, strong-willed, strong-minded personality.
God can change what people do, behavioral patterns that have been in play for decades. He can change what we do to cope, to find comfort, to survive conflict, to count. Rahab had done a same old thing for years... and then she did something new.
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Re: "Alpha by Day, Beta by Night"

Post by KatieMarie »

:lol: This has nothing to do with "interest", it's more about nature and personality, at least for me. Some of us have a natural, take charge, be in control, strong-willed, strong-minded personality.
But don’t you think our natural personality defines our interest?
Last edited by Link+Zelda on Fri Sep 23, 2022 12:08 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Reason: Added quote code.
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Re: "Alpha by Day, Beta by Night"

Post by 2pak »


SeekingChange wrote:
That’s because most women don’t want to be in charge of their man. Their lives? Yes. But not their man. In fact, the more dominant or dictatorial a wife has become, the more she’s crying out for her husband to be the stronger one. She’s testing him.


Has anyone else seen the concept of the whole article (not just the quote) played out in their lives? What ways have you, whether a wife, husband of a wife described or as a couple, learned to balance this seemingly contrasting "personality"?
I believe this dynamic. I believe the tests and even believe many are subconcious - in the lizard brain.

I learned this dynamic a while back. For me, I didn't balance the contrasting personality. I just made my own specific personal changes - really without consulting her. I have said here before, I created a vision for my life in every area and moved along in that direction. I often invited her along. When the tests came, I pressed on and did not let them phase me. I passed them.

As time went on this brought about visible stronger attraction, trust and relieved all the 'pressure.' This opened the door to lead her happily far outside of her sexual comfort zones and created a naturally submissive wife. Two to three year process. :).
Pretty good article...



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Re: "Alpha by Day, Beta by Night"

Post by LovingHimAlways »

This does not apply to our marriage at all. I am and always have been a beta personality in all areas.
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Re: "Alpha by Day, Beta by Night"

Post by MiddleMan »

My wife is alpha by day and wants to be beta at night. This is an area I've had to learn to step up. She's such a leader that it used to surprise me when she didn't initiate some new ideas in the marriage bed. I now have a better understanding that it isn't that she wants to lead, but rather that when no one else will she will because she hates chaos and indecision. And she always has such great ideas about how things should be. I just wish she would put some of that energy into our night time activity. But it is up to me lead and take charge in that area of our lives.
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