01/13/2022 - If you could go back and talk to yourself as a newlywed about sex, what would you say?

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intrepides96
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01/13/2022 - If you could go back and talk to yourself as a newlywed about sex, what would you say?

Post by intrepides96 »

If you could go back in time and talk to yourself as a newlywed, what would you tell yourself about sex and intimacy in marriage?
Last edited by Link+Zelda on Thu Jan 13, 2022 9:03 am, edited 1 time in total.
Reason: Made sticky and OP will stay at the top of the page.


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Ron
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Re: 01/13/2022 - If you could go back and talk to yourself as a newlywed about sex, what would you say?

Post by Ron »

This is a tough question.

One, you are not going to get a lot of sex or as much as you want.

Your wife will not want as much sex as often as you have been masturbating.

No matter what you do or how hard you try, her sex drive is not going to match yours. She isn't mad at you, her desire for sex is less.
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Re: 01/13/2022 - If you could go back and talk to yourself as a newlywed about sex, what would you say?

Post by benny »

Ron wrote:This is a tough question.

One, you are not going to get a lot of sex or as much as you want.

Your wife will not want as much sex as often as you have been masturbating.

No matter what you do or how hard you try, her sex drive is not going to match yours. She isn't mad at you, her desire for sex is less.
Well said Ron

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Re: 01/13/2022 - If you could go back and talk to yourself as a newlywed about sex, what would you say?

Post by MiddleMan »

Oh man, have I thought about this question through the years.

#1 COMMUNICATE. Even though it's awkward, talk through things, somewhere other than the bedroom. Even in the bedroom, be more more clear about what you want.

#2 Get all you can in all the variety you can before the kids are born and the supply is shut down to a trickle.

#3 Since DW came into the marriage with experience and I was a virgin, that made things difficult, especially considering #1 in my list. She was rather demanding that I satisfy her and I was just learning what to do. So in light of that, what I would tell myself is to be more confident and aggressive and less hesitant. Perhaps more time spent exploring without the demands of orgasm?

#4 Unlike some others on this thread, she was always willing to have sex, even if she wasn't in the mood. I always wanted her to be in the mood. Take advantage of just having sex without her needing orgasms. We could have been having sex 3 times a day. After our first kid was born, she told me, "If you want any sex, you're just going to have to do it." The first time doing it that way I felt kinda like I used her, but if we didn't have that all these years I'd only be getting sex once or twice a month. So I guess #4 here is related to #2.

There's probably more, but I think these are the highlights.
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Re: 01/13/2022 - If you could go back and talk to yourself as a newlywed about sex, what would you say?

Post by Lightbulb »

I’d tell myself that porn isn’t helpful as a means of bridging the difference in frequency needs.

I was colossally disappointed with our sex life as newlyweds. I was bitter and resentful and might have ended up having an affair because of it. Porn seemed like a reasonable alternative.

I’m not sure what the answer should have been - and I’m no less disappointed now than I was then. But porn is t the answer or solution to any problem.
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Re: 01/13/2022 - If you could go back and talk to yourself as a newlywed about sex, what would you say?

Post by MrMarried »

intrepides96 wrote: Thu Jan 13, 2022 8:59 am If you could go back in time and talk to yourself as a newlywed, what would you tell yourself about sex and intimacy in marriage?
Be assertive about what you want. Ask for sex twice a day and ejaculate twice when you have sex. That way, when frequency drops to half or a quarter, it won't be so bad. :) Ask her for OS from time to time even if you are not crazy about it at the time, so she will be used to it.
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Re: 01/13/2022 - If you could go back and talk to yourself as a newlywed about sex, what would you say?

Post by benny »

Lightbulb wrote:I’d tell myself that porn isn’t helpful as a means of bridging the difference in frequency needs.

I was colossally disappointed with our sex life as newlyweds. I was bitter and resentful and might have ended up having an affair because of it. Porn seemed like a reasonable alternative.

I’m not sure what the answer should have been - and I’m no less disappointed now than I was then. But porn is t the answer or solution to any problem.
Lots of truth in your words

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Re: 01/13/2022 - If you could go back and talk to yourself as a newlywed about sex, what would you say?

Post by Oldbear »

Focus on her more and don’t rush to the destination of an O. It took a few years before intimacy trumped sex.
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Re: 01/13/2022 - If you could go back and talk to yourself as a newlywed about sex, what would you say?

Post by olafthewise »

I was asked this the other day: If you could go back 50 years and remember everything, what would you change? (I would be 9)
#2 would you still marry her?

So my advice; concentrate more on the clitorus. I would dwell also on having a career that is possible rather than just hoping things turn out right. I had a specific career in mind that did not ever succeed in 20 years of trying.
On masturbation; I understand what some guys are saying, but the desperate use of pleasuring oneself is degrading and emasculating for a man who cannot 'attract' his wife enough for her to be there for him.
I've edged (masturbate without ejaculation) for years now. Its all I have since she sex starves me for two weeks at a time and when she IS there to give HJ, she seems far away and is rushed to get me to finish. Every 2 or 3 months, she is there and wants it and requests me to pleasure her. Vaginismus limits us. Her disinterest in a dweeb husband, keeps her from reasonable treatment for vaginismus.
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