How can we get out of a Sexual rut?

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Kitty
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How can we get out of a Sexual rut?

Post by Kitty »

My husband & I have been married for 23 years & we still have sex on a regular basis but we need something to spice things up & get out of our boring rut! Honestly on my part I think there are 2 reasons I'm not as excited about sex as I use to be, 1) I gained weight & dont feel good about myself 2) my husband was unfaithful to me over 2 years ago. I have forgiven him but at the back of my mind that betrayal is always there. I'm asking for ideas to spice things up & perhaps ideas how to feel confident about myself again. Any help would be appreciated. Thank you :)
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MiddleMan
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Re: How can we get out of a Sexual rut?

Post by MiddleMan »

Welcome! It is easy to get into a rut after several years. We've been married for 30. A few ideas, blindfolding one of you. I've recently done this with DW a few times and it's fun. Tie one of you up while blindfolded. We do this but very loosely with that rubber tubing you get at physical therapy, so she can still move around. Do you use toys? We added them a few years ago and that's been very freeing for her.
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SeekingChange
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Re: How can we get out of a Sexual rut?

Post by SeekingChange »

My husband got this book to do sometime... https://www.amazon.com/101-Nights-Great ... 0962962872

We actually haven't done it, but it has potential. It has laid out plans for him to organize, and some for her to organize. They are sealed, so there is no peeking.
God can change what people do, behavioral patterns that have been in play for decades. He can change what we do to cope, to find comfort, to survive conflict, to count. Rahab had done a same old thing for years... and then she did something new.
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MiddleMan
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Re: How can we get out of a Sexual rut?

Post by MiddleMan »

That reminds me, we have this book, but she wasn't interested when I bought it.

52 Ways to Have Fun, Fantastic Sex by Cliff and Joyce Penner, a Christian couple. https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/08407 ... bl_vppi_i5
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DoveGrey
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Re: How can we get out of a Sexual rut?

Post by DoveGrey »

In terms of confidence, have you tried exercising daily? Even 20 minutes a day is enough to get your endorphins boosted so you can start feeling better about yourself. Even just starting out walking can get you off on the right track. Starting small can lead to big results later on.

You can also try YouTube videos for exercise. I have several I rotate amongst. One that stands out in my mind just now for confidence boosting is Grow With Jo. She's got workouts of varying levels and times, including just walking in place. Her smile is pretty infectious. She's good at making you feel good about yourself. She's my go-to channel when I've had a tough day and just need a quick routine with someone who will boost my confidence.
Myers-Briggs INFJ - The Advocate

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All the days of her life.
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~23 years and counting~
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Crow
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Re: How can we get out of a Sexual rut?

Post by Crow »

Try looking through the TMB section “Polls.” Novelty is usually a fun way to spice things up for most people, but what’s new and exciting for one person is lewd and gross for another. Take a look and for some ideas that fit your idea of fun. Just talking with your spouse about new things can be fun and intimate. Some ideas to mind are:

Which spanking implements have you used? Some people take it seriously. For us, it’s both silly and fun, but can also be intense.
Anal stimulation. It can be fun and pleasurable for either you or him. Prostate stimulation can be extremely pleasurable, especially during an orgasm.
Try sexy costumes when no kids are home. Tell him you’ll wear a stripper costume for him if he’ll wear a cowboy costume for him. His cowboy costume will consist of chaps, a vest, a cowboy hat, and nothing else. Cheap Halloween cowboy costumes can be found for pretty cheap.
Pubic hair variations. You can BOTH try something new. Trim it a little, or a LOT, or shave it all off if you haven’t tried it.
Which sex toys have you used? Try something new.
Tried Oral sex? There’s more than just Yes or No! Do you have limits? Ever taken him into your mouth after he’s been inside you? Has he ever gone down on you after being inside you? After he’s climaxed inside you? Try pushing your limits to try something new!
Are you willing to swallow? Is he willing to swallow? Tell him “I will if you will!”
Try a camera in the bedroom.
Sex outdoors

Get the conversation going with him! You might be surprised with what he’s willing to try!
Kitty
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Re: How can we get out of a Sexual rut?

Post by Kitty »

Thank you everyone for your thoughtful responses & advice. We have tried just about everything over the years but from yall's input sounds like we need to start a variety of activities again. I enjoy using vibes & Hubby does not mind that I use them but he does not care for using toys himself. I did have an excercise routine about 6 months ago & I was doing well on it. I will start up again & try to build up my confidence again. I appreciate that suggestion. I'm also going to order the book that was linked. I enjoy reading & researching so I think I get alot from that book. Thanks so much for the warm responses. Blessings
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benny
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Re: How can we get out of a Sexual rut?

Post by benny »

Does your husband have a low sex drive?

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Kitty
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Re: How can we get out of a Sexual rut?

Post by Kitty »

No my husband has a normal to high sex drive but I think other factors may effect it.
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benny
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Re: How can we get out of a Sexual rut?

Post by benny »

In my experience ruts are easy to fall into and sometimes hard to get out of especially when you've been in one for a while. The difficulty is when one spouse is content in that rut and isn't motivated to change. So basically if he feels the same way then spicing up things will pull you out of the rut but if he's happy with how things are going then you've got a long road ahead of you.

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