Masturbation rules for marriage

What about masturbation by those who are married? This section is for talking about self-stimulation either alone or with your spouse. (Masturbation for children and singles discussed elsewhere.)
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nuke11
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Re: Masturbation rules for marriage

Post by nuke11 »

Mike smith wrote: Thu Jun 13, 2024 10:44 am My wife ended our six life decades ago and was furious when she once caught me masturbating. Am I, a very high libido person, to remain sexless for the rest of my life because she chooses to dictate it. I think not. I have sex with her frequently, as scripture intended, just in my imagination during masturbation.
That's a terrible situation to be in... I presume you've written on this elsewhere, but she's okay with blatantly violating a biblical (and plainly natural and obvious) marital obligation?
Paradox
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Re: Masturbation rules for marriage

Post by Paradox »

nuke11 wrote: Tue Jun 25, 2024 2:03 am
Mike smith wrote: Thu Jun 13, 2024 10:44 am My wife ended our six life decades ago and was furious when she once caught me masturbating. Am I, a very high libido person, to remain sexless for the rest of my life because she chooses to dictate it. I think not. I have sex with her frequently, as scripture intended, just in my imagination during masturbation.
That's a terrible situation to be in... I presume you've written on this elsewhere, but she's okay with blatantly violating a biblical (and plainly natural and obvious) marital obligation?
If that had been us, our marriage would have ended decades ago. For one person to unilaterally destroy one of the main reasons for marriage seems to me cruel and unreasonable. I would have a new family by now.
Ron
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Re: Masturbation rules for marriage

Post by Ron »

Paradox wrote: Tue Jun 25, 2024 7:20 pm
If that had been us, our marriage would have ended decades ago. For one person to unilaterally destroy one of the main reasons for marriage seems to me cruel and unreasonable. I would have a new family by now.
I have a very good friend that is in the same situation. Many years ago, him and his wife stopped having sex. A few years after that, she caught him doing some "self care". She got mad and they almost divorced over it, but ended up staying together. She basically told him he better not being doing that anymore. Even told her mother I think!
Tantalum
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Re: Masturbation rules for marriage

Post by Tantalum »

Ron wrote: Wed Jun 26, 2024 4:18 am
Paradox wrote: Tue Jun 25, 2024 7:20 pm
If that had been us, our marriage would have ended decades ago. For one person to unilaterally destroy one of the main reasons for marriage seems to me cruel and unreasonable. I would have a new family by now.
I have a very good friend that is in the same situation. Many years ago, him and his wife stopped having sex. A few years after that, she caught him doing some "self care". She got mad and they almost divorced over it, but ended up staying together. She basically told him he better not being doing that anymore. Even told her mother I think!
Well, it takes all sorts… but I don’t think that’s very nice. Humiliating your spouse is not conducive to a happy marriage.
I know at least one man (one of my wife’s relatives) whose marriage broke down because after they had the number of kids that she desired to have, she announced that she was no longer interested in sex and flatly refused her husband. She was otherwise perfectly healthy, just decided she didn’t want sex in her life any more.
After some years of suffering, the guy left and eventually married another (much younger) woman. From what I gather, she was quite happy to have sex as they produced a number of kids and they seemed happy together, although I had a feeling he was slightly overwhelmed about the size of his new family. :D
I’m just saying this to illustrate that I know at least one example where a total, unreasonable refusal resulted in a marriage breakdown. Obviously there are situations where, for health reasons, it’s not possible to do certain things but if that’s not the case, then that’s a form of cruelty and also against the Biblical principles.
olafthewise
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Re: Masturbation rules for marriage

Post by olafthewise »

I'm on day 12 of sex starvation. Her reasons? none. If I bring it up, its me: I'm mean and nasty or angry or in a mood or she just not feeling it, or tired (with endless phone play in her hand), or kids or got something else going on or I'm just a sex maniac or its about her past abuse or its my porn past or, or, or.......she just don't care and love has its limits right??
Above all; to the wife, DH really CAN live without sex so why worry, right???????

so on top of all the sex starvation, loneliness, disconnection and her indifference, here are some masturbation rules that someone with a low sex drive wrote for us with the high sex drive, l so we can get NOTHING!
Ron
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Re: Masturbation rules for marriage

Post by Ron »

olafthewise wrote: Wed Jul 03, 2024 5:11 pm
so on top of all the sex starvation, loneliness, disconnection and her indifference, here are some masturbation rules that someone with a low sex drive wrote for us with the high sex drive, l so we can get NOTHING!
Ha, haven't thought about it like that. Very true. I am sorry you are in your situation. I know not getting sex makes me feel lonely and abandoned. Some people just don't have much if any sex drive. Pre-menopause, my wife's desire was about 2 to 3 times a month. After menopause, she has very little desire, once a month or less. She has said if we never had sex again, she wouldn't miss it at all. She said she would be happy to have no sex, but she knows I wouldn't.
olafthewise
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Re: Masturbation rules for marriage

Post by olafthewise »

There are supplements and hormone treatments...but if there is a lack of perceived love, why try? She is happy with zero and I am not happy with zero, but why try if you don't have any empathy for your spouse?
newwifenewlife
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Re: Masturbation rules for marriage

Post by newwifenewlife »

olafthewise wrote: Mon Jul 08, 2024 3:59 pm There are supplements and hormone treatments...but if there is a lack of perceived love, why try? She is happy with zero and I am not happy with zero, but why try if you don't have any empathy for your spouse?
Yes there are treatments but why isn’t she taking them? Could it be that sex is just another chore to complete for someone in the house?

I do think you’re right…both spouse need to have empathy for the other.
olafthewise
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Re: Masturbation rules for marriage

Post by olafthewise »

She can take supplements to help bolster a lower libido. Also, if husband is looked at poorly, no supplement will help at this age.
Reality is that she skips supplements or complains about the use and consumption of them. I would desire she take the 2 small multi capsules. But she is low in calcium, vitamins c, B, E (we are at 4500ft) and acidophilus. Magnesium is a necessity for night time and zinc goes w it. But its a matter of belief and motivation.

Here: If DW, in my case, is busy, kids are full time chore, optimal health is low (leg pain at night, sinus at times) and just worry, planning, etc...and bed is not for sex but rest and sleep (if she gets any) then spending 2 hours on texting friends and playing word games on her phone is what she wants to do. Spending 30 min trying to get aroused is not on her list. NOT attempting sex is what's on her mind. The "NOT" part means 2 weeks or 2 months for orgasm and when I 'complain,' its something I did that she suddenly refers to.

so....
for me...dont be mad, don't say critical things, etc...just be calm and live with it...poor lackluster sexual activity (poor HJ) and Masturbation.
alternative for sexual satisfaction other than M? wait for her?? or just sit and be mad, no.
Disconnection is painless to her since she has so many friends to text.
For me just lonely and since she blames me or her lousy childhood, low self-esteem is my life.
All while she says "we need to connect...we need to connect...we need to connect.
Nothing I can do, its all M.
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Re: Masturbation rules for marriage

Post by Oldbear »

We haven’t considered ‘rules’ for masturbation, since our early days of marriage we’ve enjoyed all sorts of masturbation - mutual, watching, and solo. We encourage each other to masturbate, particularly at our age, to enjoy the self pleasure as we think about each other. We never let a horny moment pass us by nor want each other to let it pass by!
Many are the plans of a person’s heart, but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails. Proverbs 19:21
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