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Using a Stroker in Sex Positions

What about masturbation by those who are married? This section is for talking about self-stimulation either alone or with your spouse. (Masturbation for children and singles discussed elsewhere.)
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SeekingChange
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Using a Stroker in Sex Positions

Post by SeekingChange »

Maybe others have already thought of this, but I don't recall it being mentioned or suggested. Lately, there's been multiple threads on strokers, and I know there are multiple husbands here whose wife can no longer have PIV, and that's what brings me to sharing this.

Because of our situation of a high sex drive for him, and needing some off days for me, we have had to consider some different options so that my husband can actually get a good nights sleep. He has always had the freedom and blessing from me to take care of himself as needed, but he has found he has become highly dependent on a connection (emotional/physical) to me....that means, he just can't masturbate and ejaculate for that release he needs, when he needs it.

We found that putting a stroker (e.g. fleshlight) between my legs, has been the "best thing", behind PIV itself. My legs hold it in place, while he does the moving. It gives him a similar feel, he is able to hold onto me, which is that connection he desires and needs, and it's very little "buy-in" cost and/or effort for me. Although we have only tried the spooning position, I would guess it could work in a missionary position as well.
God can change what people do, behavioral patterns that have been in play for decades. He can change what we do to cope, to find comfort, to survive conflict, to count. Rahab had done a same old thing for years... and then she did something new.
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GeorgeB
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Re: Using a Stroker in Sex Positions

Post by GeorgeB »

SeekingChange wrote: Sun Mar 28, 2021 7:04 pm Maybe others have already thought of this, but I don't recall it being mentioned or suggested. Lately, there's been multiple threads on strokers, and I know there are multiple husbands here whose wife can no longer have PIV, and that's what brings me to sharing this.

Because of our situation of a high sex drive for him, and needing some off days for me, we have had to consider some different options so that my husband can actually get a good nights sleep. He has always had the freedom and blessing from me to take care of himself as needed, but he has found he has become highly dependent on a connection (emotional/physical) to me....that means, he just can't masturbate and ejaculate for that release he needs, when he needs it.

We found that putting a stroker (e.g. fleshlight) between my legs, has been the "best thing", behind PIV itself. My legs hold it in place, while he does the moving. It gives him a similar feel, he is able to hold onto me, which is that connection he desires and needs, and it's very little "buy-in" cost and/or effort for me. Although we have only tried the spooning position, I would guess it could work in a missionary position as well.
This is a really great idea!
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Olorin
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Re: Using a Stroker in Sex Positions

Post by Olorin »

DW and I have done that on occasion for the same reason; it provides me with a physical connection to her when she is not up for intercourse. We also do if her hands are sore or tired.
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Re: Using a Stroker in Sex Positions

Post by Ron »

My wife holding the stroker in some fashion is how we have most sex. I feels nice to touch her, kiss etc., we just can't have intercourse. Between the legs, spooning with me behind her works good too. She also holds in her hand while I do the in/out motion. That feels better and way more satisfying than just plain masturbation.

We both enjoy it. We touch, kiss and be intimate with each other. Sometimes we use a vibrator on her if she wants it.

I think when couples can't have PIV sex anymore for some reason and just ignore it or turn each other down is a sad way to go through life. Even if you can't have PIV sex, there are other things you can do to enjoy each other. Don't let that part of your marriage slip away.
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Re: Using a Stroker in Sex Positions

Post by PaulB »

Ron wrote: Mon Mar 29, 2021 5:35 amI think when couples can't have PIV sex anymore for some reason and just ignore it or turn each other down is a sad way to go through life. Even if you can't have PIV sex, there are other things you can do to enjoy each other. Don't let that part of your marriage slip away.
Very well said. Drives me crazy when people say "We can't have sex". If you are open and creative, you can find a way to be sexual.
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Re: Using a Stroker in Sex Positions

Post by FLLYDVTD1 »

@Seekingchange What do you do while he is engaging with the stroker?


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SeekingChange
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Re: Using a Stroker in Sex Positions

Post by SeekingChange »

FLLYDVTD1 wrote: Tue Mar 30, 2021 1:46 pm @Seekingchange What do you do while he is engaging with the stroker?
Whatever I am doing. This is a different alternative for us, therefore I have no obligation to do anything.
God can change what people do, behavioral patterns that have been in play for decades. He can change what we do to cope, to find comfort, to survive conflict, to count. Rahab had done a same old thing for years... and then she did something new.
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Re: Using a Stroker in Sex Positions

Post by ng95901 »

Its actually a very creative and positive way to maintain that physical connection. My wife actually looked for and purchased a foot 'themed' stroker a few years ago when she had knee surgery which we knew would impair her ability to do footjobs and the like. Ultimately it could not replace the real thing so with a little creativity mixed with trial and error we found a way to make things work with one foot. But I always admire those who find a way to be creative and maintain some physical connection at the same time. Kudos to you...
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Re: Using a Stroker in Sex Positions

Post by MrMarried »

On occasion, when my wife didn't feel like sex, we just had 'thigh sex.' I'd lube up her thighs, she'd squeeze them together, and I'd go at it, maybe until I finished.

I often used this as a 'seduction' technique. If I just wanted to enjoy her thighs, I'd work them a bit further down than the vulva and not make contact up there. But usually, I'd rub the outside of her vulva with my penis. Usually, doing this got her aroused and she'd say she wanted sex. Sometimes, she might have dozed off. Once, she said she expressed interest in intercourse just as I passed the point of no return.

It actually feels better if she lays down with her legs together and I stand by the bed. But it is more comfortable to lay down, and my objective was not usually just to have thigh sex.

I put this in the past tense because we haven't done this in a long time.

It's more intimate, I think, than a stroker. There is more skin contact. My wife is thin, but this probably wouldn't have worked when she was super thin when we first got married. There needs to be some thigh, 'not thigh gap.'

I used toilet paper on the other side of her thighs to catch the mess. We've used a wet wipe for clean up if the reason for not having intercourse is her feeling tired.
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