I want my wife to say she isn’t attracted to me

[TexasTech1415]

Long story short: my wife’s fiancé committed suicide and I was the emotional rebound. Later, she admitted she should waited and regretted marrying me. She also admitted she does not find me attractive at all.

I am not upset or bitter. It sucks, but I want to be there for her now that we are married.

Here’s the thing, when she admits she isn’t attracted to me, it REALLY turns me on. She once told me I had a “Hank hill” butt, and it was NOT a compliment. I was hard for a week.

I would LOVE to have her say things like “your little penis does nothing for me” during sex. However, she is really nervous about hurting me.

Do you think this is something a Christian couple can plan with, light teasing and “honest” comments? We’ve talked about it a bit, but I think she is understandably a little wary.

[Paradox]

Raider Red, you are in a tough spot! Despite the things that have happened to get you where you are, do you and your wife love each other? Do you have an otherwise normal sex life, or is sex a rarity?

[Sygoonda]

Like Paradox said, You are in a bad spot. If she is not attracted to You, things will not get any better. Is it the "thrill of the chase" so to speak that is turning You on? In other words you being tempted By something that You can not get?
This is assuming that if She is not attracted to You, that there is very little sex happening.

[Crow]

Negative emotions can sometimes trigger arousal. Some people get turned own by humiliation, disgust, jealousy, fear. etc…. Sometimes, it can be harmless, especially if their spouse enjoys role playing for that. However, there are plenty of ways for it to turn out badly. In your situation, you may risk having your wife become less attracted to you if she’s weirded out by this.

What is your fitness level? Are there things that you could do to become more attractive? At the very least, it might give your self esteem a boost.

[MrEden]

The good news here is that there are ways to make yourself more attractive to women in general and your spouse in particular. Joe Beam at Marriagehelper.com and youtube has some materials on this. Look for "PIES".

I have been studying Red Pill philosophy. It basically teaches that the feminist movement has emasculated men over the last 50 years, and now women are no longer attracted to the men that they emasculated.

The "bible" for the red pill movement is The Rational Male by Rollo Tomassi. I do not recommend this book. It is very hedonistic and not within keeping of Christian morals. It is 10% baby and 90% bathwater. But I think his understanding of female psychology is spot-on.

There are several good books on Biblical manhood. Wild at Heart by John Eldredge is excellent. It is required reading for all of my counselor's male patients. Also Mansfields's Book of Manly Men, and DNA of a Man by Mat Hallock.

[TexasTech1415]

I appreciate the replies! All seem to ask about the frequency, but she is very “accommodating” and will have sex with me twice week, or more if I ask.

But, since she isn’t turned on, she just lets me use her. This is so sweet of her, but she just lays there and looks up at me while I frantically do my business.

I just want her to be verbally honest about her lack of attraction while we are having sex. This turns me on the few times she has let it slip out.

How would you recommend I ask her for this?