Rockin' Your Marriage Bed Seminar - Men's Thread

What marriage resources have been helpful or encouraging to you?
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Link+Zelda
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Re: Rockin' Your Marriage Bed Seminar - Men's Thread

Post by Link+Zelda »

Beccaloo wrote: Tue Feb 16, 2021 12:07 pm Sorry for the rabbit trail, I don't know if it's just that I'm busy & my brain isn't catching up. What do you mean by buy-in cost?
I don't think it's a rabbit trail to ask for a single definition. Paul defined what he means by this in an answer to a recent comment on his blog:
https://www.the-generous-husband.com/20 ... ment-39608
He's referenced this on/off over the years on his blog, though I don't know if he always used this terminology.

And this is definitely on topic for this post--it's an important concept for both spouses to understand!
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Re: Rockin' Your Marriage Bed Seminar - Men's Thread

Post by PaulB »

Beccaloo wrote: Tue Feb 16, 2021 12:07 pm
PaulB wrote: Tue Feb 16, 2021 11:29 am
The idea of her buy-in cost being greater than his
Sorry for the rabbit trail, I don't know if it's just that I'm busy & my brain isn't catching up. What do you mean by buy-in cost?
Anything we do costs us mentally, emotionally, and physically. That is the buy-in cost. For men, this cost is usually very low, and our strong desire easily takes us over that hurdle. For women the buying cost can be greater, sometimes much greater. Pair that with a lower drive and the hurdle will sometimes seem impossible. Sure she can spread her legs, but she's not going to want it or enjoy it.
Happily married for 37 years and living the good life near two of our grandsons!

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Re: Rockin' Your Marriage Bed Seminar - Men's Thread

Post by Beccaloo »

@ Link & @PaulB -thanks for explaining things.
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Re: Rockin' Your Marriage Bed Seminar - Men's Thread

Post by SLS »

Dale wrote: Tue Feb 16, 2021 5:48 amSo, guys, if you were sitting in such a seminar, what kinds of things would be the most helpful for you to hear? I'll have almost an hour and a half to give the presentation, and I'm a fast talker, so I can cram a lot of info into that amount of time! :D

Give me your best ideas! I'll also be posting a thread for the ladies about what they think men ought to know. Thanks in advance for your help!

Dale
The first thing that came to mind as I started this reply was Vince Lombardi's famous quote, "Gentlemen, this is a football." The importance of understanding the fundamentals cannot be overstated. As a teacher in my previous vocation I saw that up close and personal. Whenever I think about sexual education in the church the verse that comes to mind is Hosea 4:6a, “My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge.” Many people don’t understand the basics of God’s design for sex.

My recommendation is start by building up foundational knowledge. Basically Who, What, When, Where, Why, How.

Who designed sex? God.

What is God's design for sex? In a sentence He designed sex as a fun way to physically, emotionally, and spiritually bond a married couple while also creating the possibility of offspring. The goal is for husbands and wives to work together in good faith to fulfill each other’s and their own sexual desires.

Why did He design things the way He did? Because He loves us and wants us to experience the gifts of pleasure and intimacy and be pointed back to the gift-Giver.

and so on and so on.

Everything else flows from that fundamental understanding. If a husband understands for example that God designed sex for both men and women and he truly embraces that design he will work with his wife to make sure she truly enjoys sex and doesn't see it as a duty or obligation. My wife is an equal sexual partner. If PIV is tough for her then I'm going to adjust my expectations and engage in more non-penetrative sex so that she has a more enjoyable experience.
Happily married to Serafina for 7 years. She is my Venus. ::luv2
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Re: Rockin' Your Marriage Bed Seminar - Men's Thread

Post by Jpops »

SLS wrote: Tue Feb 16, 2021 6:40 pm My recommendation is start by building up foundational knowledge. Basically Who, What, When, Where, Why, How.
I second this. A common theme here is poor teaching and messages about sex. I would add to @SLS’s suggestion to emphasize that desiring sex with their wife and experiencing emotional connection via sex isn’t bad or wrong.
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Re: Rockin'Your Marriage Bed Seminar - Women's Thread

Post by Irnmyk »

If I have any capability to read my wife at all, I believe that what she values the most is being being cherished.

Now, being the klutzy male that I am, expressing feelings has never been one one of my strong points, but as I have gotten older and more mellow, I find it easier to do and our LL has taken off like a rocket - flying to places that it has never been.

I find it easier now because I truly do cherish her, without doubt. What has changed is my ability (and willingness) to express it, convey it, communicate it to her in numerous ways - so, that makes it all on me, doesn't it?
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Re: Rockin' Your Marriage Bed Seminar - Men's Thread

Post by RedsPastor »

Dale, have you given this yet? How did it go?
But by the grace of God I am what I am, and his grace toward me was not in vain. -- 1 Corinithians 15:10
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Re: Rockin' Your Marriage Bed Seminar - Men's Thread

Post by Link+Zelda »

RedsPastor wrote: Tue Apr 19, 2022 2:10 pm Dale, have you given this yet? How did it go?
Try this link to the newer/related thread: viewtopic.php?p=62994#p62994
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