Married Sex Life While Still Living with Parents

Low or no sex drive?
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Re: Married Sex Life While Still Living with Parents

Post by newwifenewlife »

Kanakoa wrote: Fri Mar 01, 2024 9:14 am Aloha,

I'm a 33 year old male who will be soon marrying a 35 year old woman from the Philippines. My fiance just turned 35 a few days ago.

We plan on living with my parents on their property, while we are building a separate home that is on the same land as my parents. This would help us save money rather than renting a home for ourselves.
Aloha, congrats on your upcoming marriage, and welcome to TMB.
...However, I'm often anxious about the prospect that my fiance is getting older, and that we have only so many years to have a child of our own. We both want a child, at least two children. Of course, to do so means we have to be regularly engaged in sex.
For what it's worth, kids change EVERYTHING. Your relationship. Time. Attention to each other. Sex. Your bodies. Your energy. Your finances. I realize you're feeling the hands of time moving...but you'll never be able to get back the time and energy before kids. Cherish it and enjoy it and keep fostering romance and connection after kids because one day they'll be gone (PTL!!! ::praise ) and you don't to "wake up next a stranger" after 20 years of marriage.
Likewise, my fiance has a lower sex drive than me. We discuss this openly that I need more intimacy than she does, and that my fiance even proposed to have only three times a week of sex, but I think it should be at least once a day, or once every other day.
While it's not daily as you'd like, 3x/week is on average, about every other day which is what you suggested. It doesn't seem like you're that far off or away from each other.
So, I suppose my question is how do I get my fiance to feel comfortable about us having sex in my parents' home, and also how do I reconcile our sex drives? How do I get my fiance to be as interested in lovemaking as I am?
You can't regulate her drive or desire for sex (If you can, figure out how to patent it and then you could make trillions and trillions of dollars!!!) BUT there are things you can do to make her more comfortable and invite her to experience things together. What are the things that might keep her from wanting to engage in sex? You've talked about it "being disrespectful", that sounds more like a cultural barrier that she would need get more comfortable with or come to learn to see that it might not be what she thinks it is. That'll probably take some conversations and listening.

Does she really feel it's disrespectful to have sex in their house (potentially a cultural things?) or is she afraid of being heard? Or becoming distracted by hearing other things? One idea is to get a fan or noise machine. We sleep and nap with a larger fan on year round...even in the freezing cold of Winter. :roll: It's my wife's doing BUT it does help to make her feel more comfortable for sex. Honestly, I don't believe it helps at all for to mask sounds if we're even a little vocal BUT it does cover up basic bed movement, marital aid sounds, and the "banging" of bodies & parts; but more importantly, it helps DW to not get as distracted by outside noise and activities with the drone of the fan (which is quite strong - Lasko Wind Tunnel fan).

Otherwise, you'll need to find ways of being creative and places to be sexually active? Hotel? Hike? House as it starts to take shape? Buy a cheap camper OR borrow someone's and put it on the property as a little love nest until your house is starting to take shape and you can go in there and keep a mattress or blow up one? Liberator has some great pads that are portable and you could lay them out somewhere to get out of your parents house as well if this bothered your wife so much. No matter what, I think you'll need to have some conversations to come up with some creative solutions together otherwise, she may feel like you're out of control and only thinking about sex, instead of her feelings and emotions.
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