Special Groups

We have sections you must join to use. You can see the full list here. Most you can join with a click. The medical and pastoral groups require approval.
Note, some groups were not accepting new members properly. That is fixed.

Asperger syndrome

Low or no sex drive?
Forum rules
Post in this section can be seen by guests and search engines.
Claymore
Single
Single
Posts: 28
Joined: Sat Jan 09, 2021 9:00 am

Re: Asperger syndrome

Post by Claymore »

Tabitha,

I'll chime in. I have been diagnosed with high-functioning ASD like your doctor suggests. It went unnoticed in me for most of my life; people just assumed I was way smarter than everyone else but had some quirks, mostly un-endearing.

I'm here to say that there is nothing wrong with you. The fact that the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual has a description of people like us means nothing. You think differently and, in my opinion, more clearly than neurotypicals.

One of the reasons I went undiagnosed for so long, even into my 30's, is that most of the literature available for Aspergers/ASD is written about children and for the adults in their lives - parents and/or teachers. The only book I have encountered for adults with ASD is The Asperger's Workplace Survival Guide by Barbara Bissonnette. I didn't get to finish it before I had to return it to the library, but the clincher is in the opening chapters: Neurotypicals orient themselves based on social cues, and people with ASD orient themselves based on facts. It's nothing more or less than that. So you miss cues from other people, but your outlook and approach are more truthful. Facts do not have agendas or a self-interest; people do. You'll often find yourself frustrated by neurotypicals who use subtext to state implicitly what they are unwilling to say aloud, in effect frequently saying what they do not mean. You'll lose arguments because you think others should accommodate the truth, and you wouldn't argue for something untrue. But your opponent cares about only his self interest, and the truth is secondary.

I can't tell you what this means for your relationship with your husband. I can tell you that it's the neurotypicals' world and we're just living in it. It's not fair and often frustrating, but you're not alone.
David
King bed
King bed
Posts: 438
Joined: Sat Jan 09, 2021 9:00 am

Re: Asperger syndrome

Post by David »

@Tabitha, would you mind not criticising your husband, especially when he's not here to defend himself?

I know that you're frustrated that you need to work, but none of us has the perfect life and sometimes we have to learn to be content with life as it is rather than grumble because it's not how we'd like it to be. I'm sure that your husband would also like a better paid job, but sometimes it's not easy to find a better position, especially in the current climate.
User avatar
DoveGrey
California King
California King
Posts: 613
Joined: Sat Jan 09, 2021 9:00 am

Re: Asperger syndrome

Post by DoveGrey »

Claymore wrote: Fri Feb 05, 2021 9:31 am I'm here to say that there is nothing wrong with you. The fact that the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual has a description of people like us means nothing. You think differently and, in my opinion, more clearly than neurotypicals.
Thank you for this. I always appreciate having a student with this diagnosis in my class. They challenge the rest of the class to think differently in discussions. We're all different, and that's what makes us collectively stronger.
Wife of 21 years
Tabitha
Double
Double
Posts: 57
Joined: Sat Jan 09, 2021 9:00 am

Re: Asperger syndrome

Post by Tabitha »

Claymore wrote: Fri Feb 05, 2021 9:31 am Tabitha,

I'll chime in. I have been diagnosed with high-functioning ASD like your doctor suggests. It went unnoticed in me for most of my life; people just assumed I was way smarter than everyone else but had some quirks, mostly un-endearing.

I'm here to say that there is nothing wrong with you. The fact that the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual has a description of people like us means nothing. You think differently and, in my opinion, more clearly than neurotypicals.

One of the reasons I went undiagnosed for so long, even into my 30's, is that most of the literature available for Aspergers/ASD is written about children and for the adults in their lives - parents and/or teachers. The only book I have encountered for adults with ASD is The Asperger's Workplace Survival Guide by Barbara Bissonnette. I didn't get to finish it before I had to return it to the library, but the clincher is in the opening chapters: Neurotypicals orient themselves based on social cues, and people with ASD orient themselves based on facts. It's nothing more or less than that. So you miss cues from other people, but your outlook and approach are more truthful. Facts do not have agendas or a self-interest; people do. You'll often find yourself frustrated by neurotypicals who use subtext to state implicitly what they are unwilling to say aloud, in effect frequently saying what they do not mean. You'll lose arguments because you think others should accommodate the truth, and you wouldn't argue for something untrue. But your opponent cares about only his self interest, and the truth is secondary.

I can't tell you what this means for your relationship with your husband. I can tell you that it's the neurotypicals' world and we're just living in it. It's not fair and often frustrating, but you're not alone.
Thank you so much! This post really explains what I am feeling and gives me hope.
User avatar
Hiswifeagain
Queen bed
Queen bed
Posts: 160
Joined: Sat Jan 09, 2021 9:00 am
Location: The Land of 10,000 Lakes

Re: Asperger syndrome

Post by Hiswifeagain »

I just want to point out to anyone lurking that there is no diagnoses that excuses selfishness. It is understandable to miss social cues but this poster is well aware of what her husband is asking for so that is not the issue.

We serve a God who can change hearts and help us overcome our normal tendency to think of only ourselves. My natural bent is to be self-centered. My husband is much less that way. I still struggle with this, but anyone that knows me recognizes the change in me. That is what God does for His children.

Please don’t allow a diagnoses of any kind to be the reason to stop trying to consider others better then yourself.

Therefore if you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any common sharing in the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and of one mind. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves,

Philippians 2:1-3


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk Pro
Do your best to present yourself to God as one approved, a worker who has no need to be ashamed, rightly handling the word of truth. 2 Timothy 2:15
Post Reply

Return to “Lack of Desire”