I have clicked into this thread so many times to answer and just haven't till now. some of what it has reminded me of has been difficult.
I have several questions to ask first of @LOTV.
Having been away for a while, I had to go back and read your other threads all of which occurred while I was a way. They seem to be somewhat related.
So my question is: how is the rest of your marriage? Do you have normal conversations/exchanges about all the things married people talk about: kids, current events, news happenings, neighbors, kinfolk, weather, the leaking roof, broken faucet, bills due, etc., etc.?
From your postings, there seems to be a disconnect in your "sex language", so I'm wondering if that is isolated to the topic of sex, or is generally true everywhere in your marriage relationship.
Second, porn has been mentioned, and if that is in the picture, most of the below is moot. If that is the case, that's its own particular problem, and I'm the last to know what to tell you there. But let's assume that it is not so that I can say what I want to say following.
I read this thread (and some of your others) through the lens of "the guy who traveled". When I got home, I, having worked successfully at remaining faithful while I was away, was horny as hell and didn't want to hug and cuddle, I wanted to get it on. I was about to explode.
I was fortunate enough to have a spouse that made sure that I got to 'get my rocks off', but now, after all those wasted years, with Covid forcing me home (the exact opposite of your situation - like we swapped) where there were no time constraints, I've discovered what I had missed all those years with copious amounts of just hugging and snuggling and cuddling, mixed in, of course with the appropriate amount of pure sexual activity, all types of it. But I've come to cherish the times of pure just hugging, cuddling, adoring, etc., knowing that there will be plenty of time left for other things when those "come up", and they do - daily.
Before, when I traveled, when I arrived home, there was a period of recovery from being away, closely followed by , or in parallel with a period of getting ready to depart again, all of which was time consuming and very stressful. So, is he highly stressed when he is off the road, or does he completely relax?
We wonder, we wonder together, how we could/would have worked our current MB style into our former lifestyles, lifestyles meaning stages of life. What we know now is that we could never go back to the way it was. Even if the office called and said that everyone was coming back to their office or cube, and I had to be away all day for office hours and commute hours, we would not want to lose what we've found which I perceive is what you are looking for, the intimacy, the connection, and, yes, the sex that makes that all work right. We'd have to figure out something, and I think that that is where you are.
So, I was the one guilty of not allowing that to happen. I see a lot of what you say about your DH in my previous life. I can see now that that (the hugging, etc.) was what she wanted, but I was too dumb/blind/busy/wound up to see it.
I had this thought about your "is this teasing" thread. I could see that as pure torture, if (we didn't have the technology back then) she had texted me sensuous texts or pictures when I couldn't do anything about it. But, now if she, today, (and I've done this to her when she was traveling home) sent me something sensuous as I made the homeward leg, I might just have to mash the gas a little harder. Think about the timing of that type material and how that might affect him at the moment.
One other thing that I sense in your situation is that your communication about sexual matters isn't where you would like it to be. That's something that can be worked on, and again, I'll use my/our experience to tell you that we wasted a lot of years not communicating. We do now, completely, and I believe that it is key to a successful marriage and sexual relationship. It has sure enhanced ours.
I don't know that I've offered you any solutions in all these ramblings, but I hope that I've offered you some insights into what might be in his mind.
Just know that I'm praying for you from a position of someone who has "been there, done that".