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It grieves me to think that any church would become so large that these matters are able to fester unchecked, while families slowly break apart and everyone wonders what happened! Consider that you may not be the only one hurt by this. How many other women might hold your wife in high regard? How many (potentially young impressionable) women might unknowingly pick up the same heart and attitudes? It can be difficult to judge influence, but as a woman myself, I know it can take just a small comment here, or another one there from someone I respect (thinking about my own mother's influence upon me). Sin should never be allowed to sojourn in the dark...IF you think she is sinning...
Anyway, this has weighed on my mind these last few days. As I mentioned earlier it is similar to the conversations I've had with my own father. In his case, my mom actually did soften in answer to our prayers. She and he are in regular counseling now and although I don't know details (naturally), I see so much more unity and joy! I am praying for continuing wisdom for you. And that God will give you peace and clarity. Take or leave my thoughts as you see fit.
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Are you able to get your hormones checked?