Dealing with low libido and vaginismus...

Low or no sex drive?
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Brian O'Kane
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Re: Dealing with low libido and vaginismus...

Post by Brian O'Kane »

Thank you, Seeking Change. I will have to check that out!
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newwifenewlife
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Re: Dealing with low libido and vaginismus...

Post by newwifenewlife »

In my latest readings and listenings to experts in the field, multiple sources have shared that vaginismus is in large part a psychological barrier which creates a physical response from past trauma and that the most effective treatment for vaginismus, while it may include physical training/exercises, is from working on issues in the past which can create the physical responses and barriers (pain from things such as: hymen breakage, sexual trauma, religious & parental instruction, are just a few of the issues that can create a body's physical response).

In the sense that extreme or chronic pain should not be associated long-term with sex, I agree with the counselor, and where that line is can only be determined by the individual working with professionals.
Brian O'Kane
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Re: Dealing with low libido and vaginismus...

Post by Brian O'Kane »

Thank you for your response @newwifenewlife. We saw an expert and she said the cause of her vaginismus was her scoliosis in her back. So it a physical cause primarily. That doesn't mean there isn't a secondary psychological factor though. I think my wife needs a lot of positive reinforcement when it comes to sex, so maybe it wasn't the worst thing we gave up on PIV. I think if she improves in her ability to be aroused, we can pursue that in the future. But I would be happy just to give her cunnilingus more frequently!
Elizbeth Smith
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Re: Dealing with low libido and vaginismus...

Post by Elizbeth Smith »

If your have a sex drive and your wife can't satisfy you, you can try sex toys
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SLS
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Re: Dealing with low libido and vaginismus...

Post by SLS »

Elizbeth Smith wrote: Wed Aug 24, 2022 10:30 pm If your have a sex drive and your wife can't satisfy you, you can try sex toys
This is very much the wrong attitude to take. While the OP and his wife may not be able to have PIV intercourse that does not mean the OP's wife cannot "satisfy him". I don't know if you meant it this way but the way you phrased your response sounded quite demeaning.
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Ron
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Re: Dealing with low libido and vaginismus...

Post by Ron »

My wife can't do intercourse anymore either, but we mutually masturbate together pretty often. It is awesome!
Brian O'Kane
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Re: Dealing with low libido and vaginismus...

Post by Brian O'Kane »

SLS and Elizabeth Smith---- thank you both for your comments!! I did not feel demeaned by Elizabeth Smith's comment-- I feel like being higher drive, it is okay and it is good to masturbate and use sex toys to supplement things. But I also agree with SLS--- non-PIV sex IS sex, and husbands and wives can even have a very fulfilling, active sex life without it!
olafthewise
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Re: Dealing with low libido and vaginismus...

Post by olafthewise »

The only working solution for PIV without pain was hormone treatment in the form of creams. First doctor prescribed, then cheaper natural ones online. They worked. Then she stopped taking them without comment to me due to "headaches" she said. I'll spare the rest of my story.
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Re: Dealing with low libido and vaginismus...

Post by chicocoke »

DW and I no longer can have vaginal intercourse for both reasons, low libido and menopausal vaginismus. DW enjoys cunnilus about once a week, and I love, love, love doing this for her. She is generous in the number of times I can hump and grind her, probably 3 times a week. We do what we can to make sex happen in the stage of life we are in. While it's not ideal and as close as PIV, it keeps us connected.
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