Bad sex leading to failed marriage

[SLS]

You have already received some great advice. My 2 cents.

1. Be patient. It took DW and I several months before she was able to have an orgasm. It can take some time to figure things out. One thing y'all can do is just get into bed naked and slowly touch and caress each other without any expectations. Talk, kiss, explore and let your bodies tell you what to do.

2. Your husband needs to change his mindset. I have also tended in the past to emotionally withdraw when I feel like a failure or life isn't living up to my expectations. I still have to fight that tendency. Your husband needs to educate himself on sex and understand that things aren't going to be perfect. Instead of withdrawing he needs to embrace the challenges and work with you to overcome them.

[MCAC]

Thank you for your insight and advice. I shared the post with DH and it has reduced stress and in turn improved things.

@Beccaloo
I have never reached O, not have I attempted to get there myself. I might be saying this because I haven’t gotten there, but for me it’s not about reaching an O, it’s about being intimate with my husband.
I will look into the “exploration” and “play time” posts.
I think you are right in hat it has more to do with what’s going on in my head than what my husband is doing.

@NWNL
“It’s hard to take someone on a journey if you don’t know where you’re going and how to get there…” this phrase really helped put our situation in a different framework. I think it’s what helped DH the most.
I should clarify that he is not comparing our relationship with his relationship with her, nor is he trying to make me feel bad about not being able to O. We did however talk about his past before getting engaged and so I know they had an active and mutually satisfying sexual relationship.
Thank you for the book recommendations. I will look them up. I listened to a handful of episodes from SMR last week and didn’t find them particularly helpful. I will give it another shot this weekend.

@Olorin
Thank you for sharing your experience. I will try some of the other advice first, but will keep the vibrator in mind.

@hastentheday
We’ve been having fun with it and enjoying ourselves without any expectations, things are definitely looking up.
We took the love language quiz when we started dating 4 years ago, it definitely couldn’t hurt to take it again. I feel lacking in quality time, but I know he’s doing his best… he has very long work days between starting a new business and keeping current job.

@SLS
1. That is definitely a good way to relax and connect. It’s particularly helpful when we want that special moment, but are too tired for anything more demanding.
2. We’re both working on that

[sharon1]

NIce one, thanks for sharing.