Connection between arousal and ability to Orgasm

Can't orgasm, delayed orgasm, etc.
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OT2R
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Connection between arousal and ability to Orgasm

Post by OT2R »

I’ve only been married for 25+ years but I feel like such a newbie when it comes to sex.

At this moment in our marriage I’m the HD of the two although DH isn’t a LD person. I feel like I’m constantly thinking about sex these days and just wanting to lay naked with my honey and see where it leads. 😁
I would say my drive is there and can get aroused but can’t get enough arousal and stimulation to O. It’s SO difficult.

I’ve used a particular clitoral stim for years and it worked well even though I had to use almost the highest setting. That is the only way I can O, through clit stim. My O’s though are big and body shaking and usually I get multiples so I guess I make up for the difficulty to get there.

But lately it’s been getting harder and longer for me to O. The clit stim I’ve been using died and I used one of its attachments, a bullet, and it wasn’t the same. It had a more buzzy feel vs a deep rumbly sensation. So recently I got an air pulse clit stimulator and the first time I used it I O pretty well and DH was at the controls. I usually have to hold it myself. I felt that was a big step for me to have DH give me an O vs me masterbating. That was a first in our marriage where he did it all and was at the controls.
So recently we had a nice session and I wanted DH to cum first. He then helped me use the air pulse stim and even though I was highly aroused and it felt great, it never got me over the edge. This has been an issue with me recently and I don’t want to focus so much on O’ing but when the arousal gets higher and higher then peters out, I’m left frustrated.
We even prayed afterwards that God would help me in this area.

I don’t understand what the issue could be. I feel sexy, my DH craves my body and I love his, my drive is there, my arousal is easily awakened but I feel like it only goes so high. And I need SO much stimulation on my clitoris to O. I wish it wasn’t so hard.
I read about couples having simultaneous O and that sounds like my ultimate dream. Having the best feeling sharing it at the same time with DH!

Can anyone share their experiences and what worked or helpful tips? Or any input?
I feel like such a defect.
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SeekingChange
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Re: Connection between arousal and ability to Orgasm

Post by SeekingChange »

I can relate to it getting more difficult to getting over the edge. I am not as sensitive as I used to be. I am convinced it's hormonal changes.
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Re: Connection between arousal and ability to Orgasm

Post by Plumpurple »

I have experienced seasons of this also where for about 5-6 sessions in a row I couldn't O though it felt like everything was "done right" to get there. Even by myself sometimes it just doesn't work out and my body seems to decide I'm done before I actually am. I'm still in my twenties but have also wondered at hormonal influence having a role in it.

I'm here for insight on this too 🤷‍♀️

The most reliable way for me to O is me stimulating my clit by hand (haven't tried any toys) during PIV, especially in rear entry positions. Or DH stimulating while I lie on my stomach and he kisses my neck and such too is pretty reliable to get me there.
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Re: Connection between arousal and ability to Orgasm

Post by IntimateMoment »

Usually the problem is in my brain. You have to get your head in the right place. Often that means a hot fantasy. For me it means forbidden pleasure.
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Re: Connection between arousal and ability to Orgasm

Post by Plumpurple »

IntimateMoment wrote: Thu Aug 03, 2023 10:54 am Usually the problem is in my brain. You have to get your head in the right place. Often that means a hot fantasy. For me it means forbidden pleasure.
I have tried this kind of thing a couple times, imagining moments during our dating that were really hard to resist going further (we were virgins before our wedding), and then reliving that and kind of getting to fulfill those moments now. We went beach camping with some couple friends who were also unmarried and they got out of the tent before we were up one morning... That was definitely the hardest moment! But I have to start that process before sex actually begins, otherwise I can't focus well enough to do it.
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Re: Connection between arousal and ability to Orgasm

Post by OT2R »

IntimateMoment wrote: Thu Aug 03, 2023 10:54 am Usually the problem is in my brain. You have to get your head in the right place. Often that means a hot fantasy. For me it means forbidden pleasure.
I usually try to visualize DH penis thrusting in me and what that would look like, which I find very erotic. But like you said, the problem is in the brain. It’s almost like my brain and body has a disconnect. My body is willing but it’s not cooperating with my brain and vis versa.
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Re: Connection between arousal and ability to Orgasm

Post by OT2R »

SeekingChange wrote: Thu Aug 03, 2023 10:05 am I can relate to it getting more difficult to getting over the edge. I am not as sensitive as I used to be. I am convinced it's hormonal changes.
I think I’ve always had low estrogen throughout my life.
I have an appt with my gyno in a few weeks and want to get my hormones checked. I’m def entering the perimenopause years and I don’t want it to be the death of my drive, what little I have left.
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Re: Connection between arousal and ability to Orgasm

Post by Mike smith »

When I read of females with insatiable appetites having multiple orgasms, I wish I was a female; when I read of all the struggles females have achieving an orgasm, I am glad I am a male. Since the latter seems far more common than the first, I guess I’ll just be happy to be the male I am!
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Re: Connection between arousal and ability to Orgasm

Post by IntimateMoment »

Mike smith wrote: Thu Aug 03, 2023 1:06 pm When I read of females with insatiable appetites having multiple orgasms, I wish I was a female; when I read of all the struggles females have achieving an orgasm, I am glad I am a male. Since the latter seems far more common than the first, I guess I’ll just be happy to be the male I am!
See the body switch for a day topic was exactly what you need. ::rofl
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