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Anyone have any PE solutions that work?

Erectile dysfunction, premature ejaculation, delay...
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Claymore
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Anyone have any PE solutions that work?

Post by Claymore »

I am at my wit's end with PE. Does anyone have any suggestions that actually work?

Don't say prayer. It doesn't help. Don't ask me how I know.

Don't say edging. I can masturbate for 15 minutes straight without ejaculating, but I lose all control the minute I enter my wife because they are not the same thing at all.

Don't say start-stop technique. It just increases DW's resentment to continually interrupt the flow of lovemaking. She can't get into a groove.

Don't say masturbating before starting. Do it once, it makes no difference because it's not the same as PIV. Do it twice, I can't get aroused at all. Also, masturbation is degrading and I hate it.

Don't say the squeeze. If you mean squeezing with my hand, that's physically impossible. If you mean squeezing my PC muscle, it doesn't work.

What have you got, TMB?
Last edited by Claymore on Mon Feb 22, 2021 1:30 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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SeekingChange
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Re: Anyone have any PE solutions that work?

Post by SeekingChange »

Condoms?

Desensitizing gel/cream or delay spray?

Mind distraction?
God can change what people do, behavioral patterns that have been in play for decades. He can change what we do to cope, to find comfort, to survive conflict, to count. Rahab had done a same old thing for years... and then she did something new.
Claymore
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Re: Anyone have any PE solutions that work?

Post by Claymore »

That’s another one I forgot to mention - don’t say think about baseball. What is the use of making love to my wife if I must studiously concentrate on something else?
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Re: Anyone have any PE solutions that work?

Post by SLS »

Couple of thoughts off the top of my head.

More frequent PIV sex. The more you have it the less you'll feel overwhelmed.

Conversation. To build off what SC said about distractions DW and I have found that playing a little game can help things last longer. For example she will say a letter and I have to say the name of an animal that starts with that letter.

Reasonable expectations. How long do you think you should last? Average time of intercourse is around 7 mins if memory serves. Don't be thinking that lasting 20 mins is "normal". Also focus on taking care of her orgasm before or after intercourse. Don't put too much pressure on intercourse.
Happily married to Serafina for over 6.5 years. She is my Venus. ::luv2
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SeekingChange
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Re: Anyone have any PE solutions that work?

Post by SeekingChange »

Claymore wrote: Mon Feb 22, 2021 1:28 pm That’s another one I forgot to mention - don’t say think about baseball. What is the use of making love to my wife if I must studiously concentrate on something else?
Sometimes there's a process that has to happen to get to the end result you want. If one isn't willing to train themselves, they'll never reach their goal. I guess one needs to determine whether they want to be focused on the here and now, or on the long-term, big picture.
God can change what people do, behavioral patterns that have been in play for decades. He can change what we do to cope, to find comfort, to survive conflict, to count. Rahab had done a same old thing for years... and then she did something new.
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Re: Anyone have any PE solutions that work?

Post by PaulB »

Most of what is recommended is garbage or doesn't work with real PE. So sorry.

SSRIs offer some help. Usually add a few minutes. There are a couple prescribed for this specifically that have a short half-life and few other effects.

I've also seen some promising results for doing kegel exercises. Not a few here and there, a serious regiment every day.

And most helpful are modern numbing sprays. They numb some but don't leave your penis without feeling. Promescent Desensitizing Delay Spray is one I've researched that seems particularly good. You're looking at 75¢ to a dollar a use depending on the size you buy.
Happily married for 36 years and living the good life near two of our grandsons!

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Link+Zelda
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Re: Anyone have any PE solutions that work?

Post by Link+Zelda »

One bit of bad news to start out: some research indicates that at least part of PE is from genetic predisposition. So while there are lots of ways to work on improving your longevity, if you're genetically predisposed for earlier ejaculations, your baseline for improvement is just going to be different from some other guys.

However, there are still many approaches you can take to try to improve. I've implemented several of these as we've improved our MB the last year and a half. That's taken me from rarely making it past 5 min to pretty much going an unlimited time (or at least as long as I can maintain an appropriately hard erection to do PIV, so an hour or more if it's been more than 48 hr since our last sessions). Here's a quick list I can think up:
  1. Practice, practice, practice. Try the things below, and PIV sex in general, as frequently as possible. You can't improve at things you don't practice. Not only will this keep you from "building up" too much, but it will also get you more used to the sensations of PIV as well as the feeling of an approaching O.
  2. Condoms, including more than one at a time if necessary. Condoms definitely lower the intensity of the sensations.
  3. Position. This can be extremely important for lasting longer. And it's not all about the direct pleasure on your genitals, as I've found myself able to last in the position that most stimulates my penis (as opposed to some others) because other factors such as lack of eye contact or full-body interactions. Also, standing positions tend to help me last longer.
  4. Desensitizing sprays. No experience with these, but you should check out this thread.
  5. Avoid all porn (should be avoiding it anyway) and try not to fantasize/think about sex at all during the day. Just like women can O easier by thinking about sex all day before the act, so can men.
  6. Mental distraction. I know you bashed it, but this is incredibly helpful. I employed various forms of numbers (math or remembering numerical facts of various kinds--including about baseball) while learning to last longer. You'll rely on these approaches less over time, as your body gets more used to lasting longer. And while you indicated you won't be enjoying it if you use mental distraction, trust me--it's still enjoyable, and you'll get to "give in" at the end, which is awesome!
  7. Mental focus. This sounds like the opposite of the above, but hear me out. I find that getting hyper focused on my wife's pleasure and doing all in my power to hit her spots helps me to really, really last. In some way it's a "distraction", but it's still totally sex! While setting a "goal" may not always be healthy, focusing my PIV efforts to making it to her O can really keep me in the game (this is a big thing for us since she greatly prefer O's with me inside her). Once she O's, I find it much more difficult to hold it together.
  8. Lube. Even if you don't need it, extra lube will help you last longer. And while it might decrease her pleasure somewhat, from a % standpoint, it will likely decrease your pleasure more than hers. I think that's because, generally speaking, men get more from friction than women, whereas women get more from pressure (which won't change with lube) than men do.
  9. Get her more excited. Directly related to the above, having her receive massive pleasure can help because she'll lubricate way more. That may mean having one of you hold a vibe on her clitoris while you engage in PIV.
  10. Lighting. This one can manifest in several ways. Obviously, if you're visual, then getting a good view of the wife can send you over the edge too fast. Unfortunately, I found that complete lights-out sex was also hard to control, as it seemed naughtier. For me, what worked best was dim lighting and leaving my glasses off. I could then look at other things in the room, helping to occupy my mind. During my "training" to go longer, I did a ton of looking left into our dark closet and occupied my mind with trying to discern what I was seeing. Eventually, I Pavlov'd myself to where just looking left helped me last longer, even in other locations or in the dark!!!
  11. Other arousing things. Gotta keep these to a minimum. PIV+dirty talk gets me an O so much more easily than just PIV. Same with PIV+hair pulling, PIV+tasting her, PIV+eye contact, PIV+breast grabbing, or PIV+kissing. You probably have analogous turn ons. Of course, this can be tough, because your wife might be aroused by many of these things too. :idea:
  12. Changing your angle/vigor. Start/stop is a decent way to last longer, but your wife doesn't like it (Zelda actually does like it unless she's close to O because it makes her feel like a sex queen when I have to hold back that much). However, you can get some of that same effect by finding frequencies/angles/depth that aren't as stimulating to you but work well for her. And that comes with the side benefit of the mental "distraction" of holding that pattern unchangingly.
  13. Penetrating at the right time. I haven't seen this one mentioned often, but it's definitely a potentially important one. Too early, and the lack of lube will easily lead to a runaway to PONR. But also, for many women, entering too late in their arousal or even after they O is a horrible decision, as they're more engorged/tighter, and that can also lead to an easy runaway. Sometimes, after my wife O's, the sensations are so strong that I can barely hold it together, whereas the previous 15 min were super easy. This is a case where "She Comes First" is very detrimental to the PIV session.
  14. Get older. Sorry to say it, but ease in lasting longer is one of the few physical benefits of getting older! ::pray
  15. Read through the suggestions on this old QOTD.
I know it can seem hopeless, but eventually you'll piece together multiple things to help extend your duration. Maybe to not as long as you'd like, but you can only do so much. However, if you'd told me in early 2019 that within 9 months of then that I'd be capable of going 45+ min, I'd have called you a liar (and been wrong). Eventually, I got to the point where I'd last long enough that I'd start losing sensitivity, so once over that hump (pun intended), lasting even longer was so much easier (tightness near/after O excluded).

Keep trying and good luck!
-Link+Zelda
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WirelessRouter
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Re: Anyone have any PE solutions that work?

Post by WirelessRouter »

Hi, TMB's hobbyist nutritional biochemistry researcher checking in. If you're willing to try a few rather safe experiments, I have two ideas for you.

First, the underlying theory: It's well established that dopamine is an accelerant for orgasm, and serotonin acts as a brake. [1]
As you can read in that link, SSRIs work to delay orgasm by increasing serotonin without antagonizing one certain serotonin receptor.

Now, the ideas: There's also an essential nutrient called myo-inositol that works similarly to SSRIs in the brain, and outside of end stage kidney disease, ADHD, and bipolar disorder I can't find any situations where it's definitely contraindicated. It also could have longer term positive effects for your situation even after you stop taking it. There are positive effects beyond the brain, and it's supposed to taste good too. 12-18 grams per day is the dose range that's been compared to SSRIs in research.
Idea #2: Since increasing serotonin is the goal, 5-HTP can be supplemented as it is a direct percursor to serotonin and also able to cross the blood-brain barrier. 200mg per day has been shown as safe. Do not combine 5-HTP with an SSRI. It also probably shouldn't be taken if you have bipolar disorder.

I don't see research for either of these on PE, but based what they do in the brain, either should have a positive effect for you. They also don't require a prescription and are certainly safer than drugs. If I were in your situation I'd try inositol first.

I can't recommend taking these together. There's a real chance it's safe, but I'm staying on the cautious side here.

If you try either of these, please let me know if/how well they work. I've been super curious for a while about whether they'd help PE.

Cheers!

P.S. I was gonna cite all my sources for this, but I ended up pulling on so many different pages it would've been too much work. Lemme know if you want a citation for any particular statement and I'll do my best to provide.
¯\_(ツ)_/¯
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SeekingChange
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Re: Anyone have any PE solutions that work?

Post by SeekingChange »

WirelessRouter wrote: Mon Feb 22, 2021 10:37 pm Idea #2: Since increasing serotonin is the goal, 5-HTP can be supplemented as it is a direct percursor to serotonin and also able to cross the blood-brain barrier. 200mg per day has been shown as safe. [
<clip>
If you try either of these, please let me know if/how well they work. I've been super curious for a while about whether they'd help PE.
Just a fair warning.... my husband tried taking 5-HTP, to try to help with his ADD, and he got an unexpected side-effect....ED. Yep, it might help with PE for an exchange of something else you don't want. ;) But, you could try, and if you start having other issues, stop taking it.
God can change what people do, behavioral patterns that have been in play for decades. He can change what we do to cope, to find comfort, to survive conflict, to count. Rahab had done a same old thing for years... and then she did something new.
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Re: Anyone have any PE solutions that work?

Post by benny »

Might give edging a try. Here's an article explaining it.

https://www.promescent.com/blogs/learn/ ... jaculation

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