Anyone have any PE solutions that work?

[Nate Luckyman]

Congrats man! Sounds like your wife has definitely helped the situation as well. Team effort! Thanks for the update!

[Slacktide]

I read through this thread pretty quickly so hopefully I didn't miss it, but I didn't see any discussion of the pelvic floor. IMO that is the biggest factor in ejaculation control. I definitely used to struggle with PE early in our marriage, and after doing a mountain of research was able to discover that I was kegeling hard the entire time we were PIV. Once I learned to relax and not do that I could last longer and longer.

My advice would be to practice reverse kegels as often as you can. If a kegel is a "pulling up" / clench, then reverse kegel is a "pushing" / relax.

Talk time you having sex really focus on this and try to have a neutral pelvic floor. It's takes some practice but will definitely help.

[MrMarried]

I am at my wit's end with PE. Does anyone have any suggestions that actually work?

Don't say prayer. It doesn't help. Don't ask me how I know.

Don't say edging. I can masturbate for 15 minutes straight without ejaculating, but I lose all control the minute I enter my wife because they are not the same thing at all.

Don't say start-stop technique. It just increases DW's resentment to continually interrupt the flow of lovemaking. She can't get into a groove.

Don't say masturbating before starting. Do it once, it makes no difference because it's not the same as PIV. Do it twice, I can't get aroused at all. Also, masturbation is degrading and I hate it.

Don't say the squeeze. If you mean squeezing with my hand, that's physically impossible. If you mean squeezing my PC muscle, it doesn't work.

What have you got, TMB?

Old post here, but in the OP, why would masturbating once not being the same as PIV mean it doesn't work? How about if she gives you a hand job, you recover a bit, and then have a go at it? The wife would have to be willing.

I have a book I'd seen as a teen that I found in a bookstore right after getting married. I bought it. It's one of the Extended Sexual Orgasm books by Alan P. Bauer. Basically it involves doing a ridiculously high number different kinds of Kegels, quick flinches, long holds, then a 'push out' Kegel that is used as 'the breaks' for when you want to decrease arousal. The training program does involve edging, first masturbation, then 30-minute manual stimulation for both partners, and integrating what is learned into intercourse. It teaches male and female how to experience much higher states of sexual pleasure.

Another thing, also in the book or another of his books, is for the man to train himself to keep getting stimulated and stay hard after ejaculation and keep on going.

If you can learn to thrust through the sensitivity (which subsides if you get stimulated after ejaculation), you can keep on going. It is a lot easier to do this in WOT position, since after ejaculation, tendons in hips, legs, etc. can feel a lot more tired. My wife and I used to have the bed fairly close to a wall and had a chest of drawers there, our bed had memory foam on it, so it worked out for me to stand by the bed while she rested her legs. Thrusting through after orgasm isn't that hard in a standing position compared to squatting. With good stimulation, it might be able to keep 90+% of an erection. Woman on top stimulation is the best, IMO, for post-ejaculatory intercourse, because I can put my hands on her behind, feel her thrusting, and focus on how good her body feels.

A penis ring might help with that also, though it can make post-ejaculatory sensitivity a bit more 'annoying' feeling. Always tense up the penis 'flexing' it up before putting on the ring to make it at it's maximum fullness before putting a flexible penis ring on. That also helps with sensitivity due to post-ejaculatory thrusting.

I used to enjoy post-ejaculatory stimulation when I was hypersensitive, but that was something that had to be done to me, rather than something I'd do to myself. But post-ejaculatory thrusting if it isn't sensitive doesn't feel as good and as 'interesting' as pre-ejaculatory. Pre-ejaculation, it's like the hips move themselves, eagerly working toward a goal. Afterward, it can be a bit of a struggle and a chore. This sort of thing is not the same as preventing premature ejaculation, but it can extend intercourse if that is your main concern, and you don't have to be concerned about a rhythm that feels good to you making you ejaculate before she reaches orgasm, because you have already ejaculated. It can be possible to keep on thrusting through the refractory period until it starts to feel good again and go for a second ejaculation, especially if you can use some Kegels to tighten up and increase your arousal. When I've done that with my wife, she's usually not that interested in sex by the time I'm finished, so we rarely have done that.

It's very rare my wife wants to keep going with intercourse after I ejaculate, so some of my abilities seem sort of wasted. And I haven't done this sort of thing in years, so I don't know if I've lost it with age.

[Claymore]

Well, a few pages and couple years back PaulB and I had a disagreement over expectations, specifically whether it was realistic to even expect a woman to O from PIV. The putative problem was that only a fraction of women are even capable of orgasm-ing from normal sex. I didn't want to believe it but Paul had statistics.

We must be some of the lucky ones. Last week I gave my wife an O during PIV. So, there's that.

[Tracking]

Right on Claymore, great for you both!
Love it when folks provide feedback on threads!
My DW and I drew poor hands here!

[LBD]

Well, fortunately or not, age seems to be a natural treatment of sorts…

This may sound strange to you, but give it a try - three things actually:

1. Try to cum faster.
Counterintuitive? Maybe, but what could go wrong, you come too fast? I have found d the mental patterns around sex play strong here. This is one way to break them.

2. Just don’t worry about it.
I know, sounds stupid. But why does this question really get asked? Because we are worried about it on so many levels.

• A. Our partners enjoyment: you/they can address that in other ways.
  B. Out own ego: this one is probably the most prickly. Evaluate closely to what you are assigning your self-worth.
  C. Again, worrying about it sets firmer in stone those mental pathways.

3. Work with it.
I remember distinctly a time when my wife took on the challenge of seeing how many times she could make me cum in one session. The record was 5. The time to finish grew as the number of times did. Now this was back when I was young and verile, so….
Play some games with your wife, change your mindset on the whole deal. You might surprise yourselves. What!s the worse that can happen? A lot of sex?

[MrMarried]

I am at my wit's end with PE. Does anyone have any suggestions that actually work?

Don't say prayer. It doesn't help. Don't ask me how I know.

Don't say edging. I can masturbate for 15 minutes straight without ejaculating, but I lose all control the minute I enter my wife because they are not the same thing at all.

Don't say start-stop technique. It just increases DW's resentment to continually interrupt the flow of lovemaking. She can't get into a groove.

Don't say masturbating before starting. Do it once, it makes no difference because it's not the same as PIV. Do it twice, I can't get aroused at all. Also, masturbation is degrading and I hate it.

Don't say the squeeze. If you mean squeezing with my hand, that's physically impossible. If you mean squeezing my PC muscle, it doesn't work.

What have you got, TMB?

Not sure what 'PE' is, but I am assuming it has something to do with getting erections.

I got low vitamin D once, when unemployed and vitamins seemed so expensive. I had put on weight. I had a few scares in the bedroom with my wife where I wasn't firm the whole time.

I looked it up, and vitamin D deficiency can make it hard to get an erection. I saw an add on my feed where this old guy was selling a combination pill that had green tea extract, gingko, garlic, ginger something else that started with G together to make it easy to get erections. L-Arginine causes the body to produce nitroglycerine which also helps. Fish oil is another one. You should look up whether you should combine them. Those are some things you could take without getting a prescription for viagra.

PC muscles? I read a book from the 1980s, ESO: Extended Sexual Orgasm by Dr. Alan Brauer. His definition of ED involved five minutes of direct stimulation without getting an erection. He had some very intense kegel workouts for both men and women, and really was supposed to help.

There were short butterfly squeezes, long holds, 'pushout' exercises. Do sets of 10 and lots of sets. I would imagine it would cause there to be more bloodflow. More advanced exercises in one of these books involved lifting a towel with an erect penis and testicle lifts.

I seem to recall he found this helped men with erectile difficulties, but mainly it was to train people to be able to increase their capacity for sexual pleasure, to be able to edge and get into an orgasmic state that lasts for a long time.

Once you get an erection, a penis ring might help. It's useful if your on top and your wife wants you to go get the lube, but walking around even with a ring can lead to losing an erection. One of the Brauer books recommended walking or moving around with an erection to train the body to keep it as I recall.

[MrMarried]

Well, fortunately or not, age seems to be a natural treatment of sorts…

This may sound strange to you, but give it a try - three things actually:

1. Try to cum faster.
Counterintuitive? Maybe, but what could go wrong, you come too fast? I have found d the mental patterns around sex play strong here. This is one way to break them.

2. Just don’t worry about it.
I know, sounds stupid. But why does this question really get asked? Because we are worried about it on so many levels.

• A. Our partners enjoyment: you/they can address that in other ways.
  B. Out own ego: this one is probably the most prickly. Evaluate closely to what you are assigning your self-worth.
  C. Again, worrying about it sets firmer in stone those mental pathways.

3. Work with it.
I remember distinctly a time when my wife took on the challenge of seeing how many times she could make me cum in one session. The record was 5. The time to finish grew as the number of times did. Now this was back when I was young and verile, so….
Play some games with your wife, change your mindset on the whole deal. You might surprise yourselves. What!s the worse that can happen? A lot of sex?

Sounds like fun. Also, if you can get accustomed to keeping an erection after the first ejaculation, intercourse after that second ejaculation can take a loooong time. Some issues are overcome the sensitivity, keeping up stimulation to keep the erection, possibly having a 90% erection (can use penis ring beforehand). It also doesn't work well if a couple is using condoms for birth control. This seemed a bit more doable when I was younger, and it wasn't really all that needed most of the time. My wife can keep going and going in bed, but there is a time limit to the PIV intercourse before she gets sore. Of course, I don't have to struggle to last as long these days.

[garyb]

Not sure what 'PE' is, but I am assuming it has something to do with getting erections.

PE = premature ejaculation not erection.

[Paradox]

Most of what is recommended is garbage or doesn't work with real PE. So sorry.

SSRIs offer some help. Usually add a few minutes. There are a couple prescribed for this specifically that have a short half-life and few other effects.

I've also seen some promising results for doing kegel exercises. Not a few here and there, a serious regiment every day.

And most helpful are modern numbing sprays. They numb some but don't leave your penis without feeling. Promescent Desensitizing Delay Spray is one I've researched that seems particularly good. You're looking at 75¢ to a dollar a use depending on the size you buy.

I agree with these points. I eventually had a good experience with pelvic floor work. Just doing Kegel exercises did not help me much, but then, on night, she got on top of me just when I felt like I was going to pass gas (i.e., fart), and I had to tighten my put to keep from ruining the event entirely. I was able to keep from orgasming until she did. Nothing I had read had explained just how to Kegel *during* intercourse to delay ejaculation.
Since understanding how the pelvic floor muscle tightening could help, my times have gone from 45 seconds to 5-10 minutes.