Pelvic rest- difficulty coping

How do pregnancy and the first year after birth impact a couples sexuality?
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Corazonconfiado
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Pelvic rest- difficulty coping

Post by Corazonconfiado »

After two years of marriage, DH and I are expecting our first baby, (YAY!) and I was diagnosed by ultrasound with a sub chorionic hematoma at my pregnancy confirmation appointment. Doctor recommended pelvic rest. I ended up masturbating to completion a few times even after those orders. My bleeding had stopped and I had hoped the SCH was cleared up. At 2nd scan, 9wks, SCH had grown a bit and doctor doubled down on orders. I felt guilty about self-stimulating, wondering if it caused the SCH to grow.

I'm writing because I'm having a really difficult time coping with no orgasms for me. I have no issue being generous with OS and HJs for DH in the meantime. DH has explained that he misses PIV and really penetration in general, though he's grateful for what I am doing for him. I enjoy giving him pleasure and frankly I need an outlet for my sexual energy.

I'm grateful that God has kept me from feeling resentful towards DH for getting to enjoy something I'm really wanting right now. In the past I think I would have, but God has helped me mature emotionally.

The problem is, when I do OS and HJ and breast sex for him, I get really aroused. It's hard for me not to ask for him to touch me, and then it's hard for me to stop myself before I O. I'm sad because this first trimester I have experienced a ton of drive, more than usual, but I can't really enjoy it. This week I was home alone, fantasizing about him, and I stumbled again and self-stimulated to completion again.

Another sad part is, for the last 4-6 months, we were coming into a season of really embracing our sexuality and enjoying each other more openly. (We had a some difficulties in our MB at the beginning.) It's been wonderful physically and emotionally.

I keep telling myself this pelvic rest is temporary, but if the hematoma doesn't clear, it could be the remaining 28 weeks. It's just feeling like a really long time. I know baby is going to be worth it and it's my duty as a parent to make sacrifices to keep them safe. But even as I write that I'm feeling very hollow. Am I too immature to be a mother if I'm wanting sexual pleasure from my spouse this bad and feeling frustrated and upset instead of overwhelmingly grateful for the amazing blessing we're receiving?? Have I made an idol of sex? I'm having an hard time even praying about this because I feel so guilty. To top it all off we're dealing with financial stress and a broken down car with a ton left on the loan and a half-way done mold removal project in the bathroom. My quiet time with God lately has been short and infrequent because of my own failure to make time.

I do believe God has a purpose in everything. I also feel shallow complaining about this when it's most certainly temporary and people go through much worse. Sorry for the long post. Any encouragement or advice is welcome.
Paradox
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Re: Pelvic rest- difficulty coping

Post by Paradox »

You do what is best for your wife and children, always. You may need to spend a lot of alone time in the bathroom, but leave her alone. My wife had bedrest and premature labor for two months with one child, five months with another. I'm sympathetic, but I know it can be done.
Plumpurple
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Re: Pelvic rest- difficulty coping

Post by Plumpurple »

That sounds really hard, Im sorry you're going through this. Have you talked to your doctor about whether or not orgasms for you without penetration would effect the hematoma? And would you be willing to seek a second opinion to assess the situation?

If all else fails, would your husband be willing to abstain until you're given the all clear as well so it doesn't make it harder for you by getting you turned on without release constantly also? Can you do other things together to build nonsexual intimacy and try to let him take care of himself in the meantime? Definitely not an ideal situation, and hopefully the doctor can just assure you that non-penetrative orgasms could still be an option for you 💛 I definitely don't have the medical background for advice, but I've heard that it depends on the specific condition as well as the placement of hematomas that qualify whether or not orgasms themselves would be a concern.
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Re: Pelvic rest- difficulty coping

Post by SeekingChange »

Paradox wrote: Fri May 31, 2024 7:27 pm You do what is best for your wife and children,
This appears to be the wife.
God can change what people do, behavioral patterns that have been in play for decades. He can change what we do to cope, to find comfort, to survive conflict, to count. Rahab had done a same old thing for years... and then she did something new.
Tantalum
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Re: Pelvic rest- difficulty coping

Post by Tantalum »

I have zero medical knowledge, so I’m just wondering out of ignorance here, but… what’s the risk with masturbation?
I understand that penetrative sex can be risky in some cases but how can a clitoral orgasm cause problems? I always thought that was totally safe.
Just wondering, not advising.
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Re: Pelvic rest- difficulty coping

Post by DoveGrey »

Corazonconfiado wrote: Fri May 31, 2024 12:20 pm But even as I write that I'm feeling very hollow. Am I too immature to be a mother if I'm wanting sexual pleasure from my spouse this bad and feeling frustrated and upset instead of overwhelmingly grateful for the amazing blessing we're receiving?? Have I made an idol of sex? I'm having an hard time even praying about this because I feel so guilty. To top it all off we're dealing with financial stress and a broken down car with a ton left on the loan and a half-way done mold removal project in the bathroom. My quiet time with God lately has been short and infrequent because of my own failure to make time.

I do believe God has a purpose in everything. I also feel shallow complaining about this when it's most certainly temporary and people go through much worse. Sorry for the long post. Any encouragement or advice is welcome.
Oh, sweetie, none of this makes you immature or unfit to be a mother. It makes you human. Remember that God created us to have sexual desire. And those pregnancy hormones can certainly increase libido. It happens in many women. That's really difficult to handle if you can't have sex. It's just basic biology, it has nothing to do with who you are as a mother or a Christian. It doesn't mean you've idolized sex. It means you're a functioning woman with standard pregnancy hormones that aren't under your control.

Honestly, the fact that you're feeling guilty about any of this means that you're like every other excellent mother out there. We all second guess ourselves because none of this is easy. You're doing the best you can with what you've got, and that's okay. And God certainly knows your heart. He knows you're trying to seek him, but you're struggling. He also knows why you're struggling, and how hard it is for you. As much as Christ suffered on earth and helped others who suffered, no one understands the struggle like he does. He's still got you through all of this. How can he not, as much as he loves you?

Have you asked your doctor about masturbation? Will it affect the hematoma? If you're worried about asking, I promise that your doctor has heard it all before and is trained to see these things from a clinical perspective.
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fearlesslunk
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Re: Pelvic rest- difficulty coping

Post by fearlesslunk »

We are past the pregnancy years, but those were some extra horny months for DW! Enjoy the hotmone rush and have as many orgasms as you desire, even self-stimulated! Not only are there incredible health benefits to the orgasm, it is a libido boost that is usually only temporary. One day you will look back and if you regret anything, it’s that you didn’t enjoy your libido MORE! :P
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Re: Pelvic rest- difficulty coping

Post by proverbs519man »

You should ask your physician if the pelvic rest was a true "no orgasm" rest or if they are concerned about penetration. It will depend on the situation.

It seems you are nervous to bring it up, because you said you weren't sure if your orgasms caused the growth. But your doctor could clear up as to whether or not that is a problem.

A quick google resulted in:
A provider may suggest avoiding sexual intercourse. “But not because the subchorionic hematoma is caused or worsened by intercourse,” says Dr. Naert. “Intercourse during pregnancy can cause bleeding from the cervix even in the absence of a hematoma and this bleeding can blur the picture.”

Which seems like it's a friction issue and not all that related.
Paradox
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Re: Pelvic rest- difficulty coping

Post by Paradox »

Tantalum wrote: Sat Jun 01, 2024 8:47 am I have zero medical knowledge, so I’m just wondering out of ignorance here, but… what’s the risk with masturbation?
I understand that penetrative sex can be risky in some cases but how can a clitoral orgasm cause problems? I always thought that was totally safe.
Just wondering, not advising.
Sexual excitement can increase uterine contractions, and orgasm certainly will.
Tantalum
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Re: Pelvic rest- difficulty coping

Post by Tantalum »

Paradox wrote: Sun Jun 02, 2024 6:05 pm
Tantalum wrote: Sat Jun 01, 2024 8:47 am I have zero medical knowledge, so I’m just wondering out of ignorance here, but… what’s the risk with masturbation?
I understand that penetrative sex can be risky in some cases but how can a clitoral orgasm cause problems? I always thought that was totally safe.
Just wondering, not advising.
Sexual excitement can increase uterine contractions, and orgasm certainly will.
I see.
Yes, I still have fond memories of DW, heavily pregnant, lying on her back after her orgasm, laughing “wow, I bet the baby could feel that too!”.
She was really horny during her pregnancy so she would really have suffered from a ban on sex.
I hope all goes well for you.
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