Babies becoming trigger for boarderline personality symptons

[Pearl]

I totally understand your wife's hesitation about pharmaceuticals. We are probably one of the more "crunchy" familys on this board . I always err on the side of caution. HOWEVER... there is a place for conventional medicine. Whether it is right for you in this situation is something you both need to bring before the Lord. Prayer has not been emphasized enough on this thread. I know from personal experience wrestling with God over whether to give our child chemo or alternative treatment for his cancer that ultimately He opens and closes doors and gives a peace about the matter. Sometimes it's overnight, sometimes it's months! God can use ANY means to heal you both. I don't wish to derail the thread so PM me if you have questions.

The postpartum time really leaves us vulnerable in all ways, especially spiritually. We feel lost, scared of losing who we were, or of ever getting peace again. We grieve the loss of our former bodies and autonomy. We can lash out at those closest to us and even God. We hate it that motherhood is praised so highly and yet we seem to fail miserably at it. It's so hard to see a way through. The enemy will use every lie she will believe.

It sounds like she is aware of the problem and desires to find a solution? I don't know what practical answer is best, but you have some good options, and I am convinced the Lord will help. Sometimes you have to start moving in a direction and see if He continues to open or close doors. Pray with your wife every evening instead of sex for awhile. Even if she balks. See what happens!

[westcat700]

I totally understand your wife's hesitation about pharmaceuticals. We are probably one of the more "crunchy" familys on this board . I always err on the side of caution. HOWEVER... there is a place for conventional medicine. Whether it is right for you in this situation is something you both need to bring before the Lord. Prayer has not been emphasized enough on this thread. I know from personal experience wrestling with God over whether to give our child chemo or alternative treatment for his cancer that ultimately He opens and closes doors and gives a peace about the matter. Sometimes it's overnight, sometimes it's months! God can use ANY means to heal you both. I don't wish to derail the thread so PM me if you have questions.

The postpartum time really leaves us vulnerable in all ways, especially spiritually. We feel lost, scared of losing who we were, or of ever getting peace again. We grieve the loss of our former bodies and autonomy. We can lash out at those closest to us and even God. We hate it that motherhood is praised so highly and yet we seem to fail miserably at it. It's so hard to see a way through. The enemy will use every lie she will believe.

It sounds like she is aware of the problem and desires to find a solution? I don't know what practical answer is best, but you have some good options, and I am convinced the Lord will help. Sometimes you have to start moving in a direction and see if He continues to open or close doors. Pray with your wife every evening instead of sex for awhile. Even if she balks. See what happens!

Yes she is aware of the problem and does want to change. She is amazing when she is feeling good, but when she gets into her "cloud" as she calls it the whole world is against her and little problems are mountains.

I struggle with feelings of what's normal for a woman to go through--like you said some of this is just normal. Should I just chalk it up to normal and just do my best to support? If it's not normal what actions should I take. So it's been helpful hearing everyone's thoughts so I appreciate that

Good point on more prayer. I was so thankful God answered our prayer that she would bond to our youngest. We prayed just after he was born and my wife hadn't been with him much and it was something like that night she felt so much different towards him and had kept that feeling.

[DoveGrey]

There is a wide range of normal. If you want to look at it this way, understand that hormones and our individual chemical makeups can cause varied reactions to pregnancy and postpartum. None of that is abnormal.

However, your body's natural response to these events can sometimes be so much that it causes us to sink into depression. It negatively affects our lives and the lives of those around us. In these cases, modern medicine (which is God-given) can help us get through our struggles. There is no shame in seeking that help. In fact, recognizing the issue and being aware that an expert can help us means we're strong enough to take charge of our lives.

Seeing a psychiatrist (a good one, not a quack) doesn't mean you have to go on meds. It does mean you're getting expert advice on how to handle a very common reaction to the flood of hormones. What your wife is going through is new and confusing to her; however, a psychiatrist will have seen hundreds of similar cases and will know how to help your wife through this. With meds or without. Even if she closes meds, it doesn't have to be permanent. Just something to help her through, like taking ibuprofen for a headache.

That cloud your wife is talking about? I call it a fog. Winston Churchill called it his black dog. Abraham Lincoln had it, but didn't have a name for it. Look at the success of those men. It doesn't mean something is wrong with her. But a psychiatrist will beat know how to help keep that cloud away.

[Selkie]

Has your wife been evaluated for post partum depression or psychosis? Hormones swing wildly, even in "normal" situations, but what you are describing seems extreme. I agree that you should seek help for her.

[IndyDad]

My DW suffers from borderline personality disorder which wasn’t diagnosed until she had a nervous breakdown and was hospitalized. That was a sad stressful time. This was before we conceived our daughter. DW’s continues to cycle up and down, which is hard for me to deal with at times.