Natural support for postpartum issues that won’t increase libido?

[FallingSlowly]

I have a question for the mamas here. I have three small children and have struggled with irritability and mood swings since becoming a mom. I love my babies and my husband, and I hate my struggle with anger/rage that seems to come from nowhere. After my second child, I was prescribed Zoloft but didn’t take it as I didn’t want the side effects and wanted to pursue other natural options and counseling, both of which helped a little. I don’t think drugs are wrong, but I do prefer to find a natural remedy first and also address the spiritual side of the problems.

Anyways, I’m tired of this struggle. I’m tired of feeling like a bad mom because I can’t keep my temper in check. It feels like an uphill battle. I can be in the Word, talking to other moms in my church, reading biblically sound books, but my body and hormones after 3 kids and the stress of caring for them fights against everything I’m reading and learning. It is so difficult.

Before I go back to another doctor to talk about Zoloft again, I’d like to try more natural options. I was looking into ashwagandha most recently. The issue is that most herbal/natural products made for mood or postpartum issues also advertise that they increase libido. Sounds great, I know, but I don’t want or need that. I’m already the higher drive spouse and I don’t want to make that worse.

So basically, is there anything out there that could help my hormones chill out and not make me horny? Any moms have any advice or encouragement? Thanks for reading even if you don’t have a suggestion!

[SeekingChange]

You could consult with a bhrt doctor. Defy Medical is telemedicine, and I believe their initial consultations are free. They could let you know if you sound "normal" or if they feel your hormones are off.

If it was me, I would also look into essential oils.

[Plumpurple]

I can relate with this sorry you're experiencing this too, it's so disheartening to deal with.

Part of what has helped for me is identifying triggers and coming up with a game plan ahead of time both for managing my emotion and whatever the situation is. Some situations that means leaving it to my husband and letting him know ahead of time I would appreciate if he would take over those situations until I can get myself readjusted.

Making sure I eat regularly and protein-rich foods and stay hydrated helps my hormones stay level more consistently through the day is also really helpful. And if you're able to find any quiet time during the day when your husband takes over, or if your kids are old enough they can be left alone regularly for 30 minutes at a certain time of the day with an activity or show to watch and a snack, you can mentally prepare yourself to make it to that point in the day and then have it as a reset time to read the Bible, pray, listen to music, just rest and have your eyes closed and relax, etc. Whatever you need to do.

Some of my triggers have become nursing (my boy will NOT nurse contentedly lately and is constantly messing with my boobs or pushing on me with his feet or pulling my hair), my toddler climbing on things that aren't safe for him (had to eliminate a lot of elements from the living room for the time being), or my husband not making time for connection with me during the day really sets me off and puts me in a funk for days and we've been working on that together.

If you use Instagram, @ourmamavillage is a good mom-support page, and I have some others for parenting tactics and helping recognize and regulate your emotions as you parent also. I can share if you want them

I don't have actual medical info on regulating hormones to share though, so I'll be interested to see what others suggest. My sister used an essential oil called peace and calming from I think the Young Living company to help regulate her moods and help with her anxiety attacks she was having and it seemed to work well for her, but I haven't tried it.

[FallingSlowly]

You could consult with a bhrt doctor. Defy Medical is telemedicine, and I believe their initial consultations are free. They could let you know if you sound "normal" or if they feel your hormones are off.

If it was me, I would also look into essential oils.

Thank you! I need to get back into my essential oils, I haven’t used them as diligently after my third baby and I do believe they were helpful before.

[FallingSlowly]

@plumpurple, thank you for all of that! Nice to know I’m not alone in this phase of life. There are no words to express how much I love being a mama. But man, is it hard raising little ones and maintaining sanity!

I know I need to be better at identifying my triggers and seeking help in my most triggering moments. Why does noise have to be so triggering?! Toddlers are always going to be noisy or whiny, so that trigger doesn’t seem very fair. lol I do have similar triggers to yours as well, with a very distracted nursing baby (always has to know what her siblings are doing!), lack of connection with my husband at times, etc. I’m just terrible at asking for help in those moments because I feel like I should be able to handle it myself. I am the mom, after all. Not right thinking, I know. That’s just mom guilt I think.

I would welcome any more advice you have when you have time to share it! Thanks for the suggestion about Peace & Calming. I typically use Plant Therapy since it’s more affordable for me, so I’ll see if they might have something similar.

[SeekingChange]

For hormone help for perimenopause and PMS, my sister and her girls make a blend of Lavender and YLs Dragontime (look up what makes the blend and use your own brand.... I would think that might be helpful for your situation as well.

[Plumpurple]

Why does noise have to be so triggering?! Toddlers are always going to be noisy or whiny, so that trigger doesn’t seem very fair... I’m just terrible at asking for help in those moments because I feel like I should be able to handle it myself. I am the mom, after all. Not right thinking, I know. That’s just mom guilt I think.

Noise really gets me too! We just have one right now and he isn't too loud most days, but especially if it's combined with a migraine I feel like I'm on the brink of explosion all day

Have you shared your feelings about that with your husband? It's hard if it's during a day of disconnect because then it's even harder to be vulnerable and ask for help (in my case at least), but when I've expressed it to DH on a better day he's been very intentional and encouraging and hasn't made me feel guilty for my emotions, and he's been good at helping come up with ways to handle things that I hadn't thought of or can't think of in the moment.

Here are some more accounts I follow. Some of them are baby development and since you've already had two older ones then they may not be necessary for your baby, but these are just a lot of accounts I like and find helpful!

Insta:
- happyasamother (mom support)
- TaylorKulik (baby sleep development)
- Heysleepybaby (sleep development)
- Babiesandbrains (baby development)
- Biglittlefeelings (baby development and handling emotions - yours and baby's)
- Ourmamavillage (mom support & baby info)
- Sharonmazel (baby development & parenting tips)
- Healthiest_baby (baby development)

Tiktok parenting accounts i love and learn a lot from:
- @jesmartini
- @highimpactclub
- @jothemama2.0
- @lauralove5514
- @ashleyrosemak
- @opal_wells
- @menzennial

I also joined a couple Facebook groups for parental support. A Christian group I'm in is called Gentle Parenting Community (https://www.facebook.com/groups/peacefu ... ?ref=share)
and a non-Christian group I have appreciated is an attachment parenting group, but especially for littles with sleep issues (https://www.facebook.com/groups/taylork ... ?ref=share)

[DoveGrey]

Is there any way you can get someone to relieve you for a couple of hours here and there so you can get some extra sleep? Lack of sleep can have a major impact on every system in our body.

[Pearl]

I'm paying close attention here as I'm currently one week postpartum with my fifth. (Interestingly she was born the same day you posted-- Labor Day). I've struggled with the lack of emotional regulation, particularly my temper with all of my kids. But that's been my Achilles heel all my life,-- negative emotions of any type generally funnel into anger or rage. I'm realizing it's a symptom of entitlement. My personal comfort is an idol, therefore when things or people encroach on that, I'm offended.

Not to say that mamas don't need, or shouldn't seek personal comfort or fulfillment, but if I start behaving like that is THE goal, the responsibility of the rest of my family, then I've misplaced my affections. God is supposed to be the one I humbly turn to first for my needs, instead of expecting it from my husband and children in anger when they don't comply. Oh so much growth is needed!!

Aside from the spiritual aspect, the physical/hormonal changes will probably require a multi faceted approach. Things like B and D vitamins, adequate sleep (easier said than done), addressing thyroid health, iron deficiency, gut health (because it's directly connected to brain health), and so on. Things I'm doing right now that I hope will make a difference are: daily iron syrup from Rosemary Gladstar), herbal tea-- a quart a day with herbs such as red raspberry leaf, Tulsi, marshmallow, nettle, and linden. There are more herbs, but I won't get into details unless you want them. Daily quiet time, which I regret I haven't made a priority enough in the past, but better late than never-- this has been HUGE for my overall attitude. Daily quiet time for my household-- 1-2 hrs in the afternoon where we all take naps or spend alone time. I guard this like a mama bear.

Anyway, time will tell. Much love, solidarity and prayer for you girls.

[FallingSlowly]

Thank you all again for your responses. I don’t hop on here much so I missed replying right away. Things are improving, although some days are harder than others.

@Pearl, thank you for the reminder to not idolize comfort. I know that is a big part of the problem some days! I appreciate your reply and perspective. And congratulations on baby #5, that’s amazing! I hope your postpartum journey is smooth. As hard as it can be, there’s nothing like those precious days with a new baby. I have baby fever just thinking about it!