How long did you wait after the wedding?

How do pregnancy and the first year after birth impact a couples sexuality?
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Beaglebag
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Re: How long did you wait after the wedding?

Post by Beaglebag »

First of all, I've read the other posts and your replies and I think you're both in a good spot emotionally and relationally for whatever happens. We waited two years to start trying, but that was extended a year due to a military deployment (his). I was 30 and 37 when our kids were born. I often joked with my high risk OB the second time that I was probably his lowest risk patient. But I think I was. I wouldn't say either pregnancy was easier or harder. They both had their challenges. Yes, pregnancy is uncomfortable (especially if you happen to have gestational diabetes like I did), but some days you have a ton of energy and feel like superwoman. Labor is challenging, especially if you opt for low intervention like I did (no pain meds), but there are ways to prepare and it is always so amazing to see your child for the first time and know you grew him or her from a small two cells into someone who eats and breathes on their own.
KatieMarie
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Re: How long did you wait after the wedding?

Post by KatieMarie »

Beaglebag wrote: Sat Oct 01, 2022 9:33 am First of all, I've read the other posts and your replies and I think you're both in a good spot emotionally and relationally for whatever happens. We waited two years to start trying, but that was extended a year due to a military deployment (his). I was 30 and 37 when our kids were born. I often joked with my high risk OB the second time that I was probably his lowest risk patient. But I think I was. I wouldn't say either pregnancy was easier or harder. They both had their challenges. Yes, pregnancy is uncomfortable. Labor is challenging, especially if you opt for low intervention like I did (no pain meds), but there are ways to prepare and it is always so amazing to see your child for the first time and know you grew him or her from a small two cells into someone who eats and breathes on their own.
I’m ok with being uncomfortable for months. But not even going to try to say that labor doesn’t frighten me.
The main purpose of life is to live it with the man I love.
Beaglebag
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Re: How long did you wait after the wedding?

Post by Beaglebag »

KatieMarie wrote: Sat Oct 01, 2022 9:38 am
I’m ok with being uncomfortable for months. But not even going to try to say that labor doesn’t frighten me.
That is totally normal! The second time was less scary beforehand because I knew I had done it before, but once the contractions got intense, I remembered what the first time was like.
Tantalum
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Re: How long did you wait after the wedding?

Post by Tantalum »

Beaglebag wrote: Sat Oct 01, 2022 8:09 pm
KatieMarie wrote: Sat Oct 01, 2022 9:38 am
I’m ok with being uncomfortable for months. But not even going to try to say that labor doesn’t frighten me.
That is totally normal! The second time was less scary beforehand because I knew I had done it before, but once the contractions got intense, I remembered what the first time was like.
It’s normal to have a fear of the unknown.
My wife was worried that feeling the baby move inside her would freak her out. Then when it happened, she found it perfectly fine. After a few weeks she started worrying when she didn’t feel it. :D
It’s going to be OK!
KatieMarie
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Re: How long did you wait after the wedding?

Post by KatieMarie »


That is totally normal! The second time was less scary beforehand because I knew I had done it before, but once the contractions got intense, I remembered what the first time was like.
I mean…. I know that my body was created to have a baby…in THEORY! But….OUCH
Last edited by SeekingChange on Sun Oct 02, 2022 9:03 am, edited 1 time in total.
Reason: Fixed quoting issue
The main purpose of life is to live it with the man I love.
FallingSlowly
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Re: How long did you wait after the wedding?

Post by FallingSlowly »

A little over one year for us. Then had three in four years. I am glad we waited the year but I really had some baby fever! It was fun to get to know each other better, adjust to married life, and have some adventures just the two of us. But being a parent and raising children with the man you love is on a whole different level—in a good way! It is hard, don’t get me wrong, but when you’re both pursuing Christ and working hard to communicate well, it really is amazing. You learn and grow so much together. The closeness you feel once you have created a baby together is incredible. To see the products of your love toddling around the house is miraculous. It’s all scary when you’ve never experienced it before (and still scary after lol), but the Lord gives great grace and sustains you. And in Scripture, children are described as a blessing.

I have many friends who did not wait at all to get pregnant. They had babies before their first anniversary. And they love it. I really admire them for going for it and valuing children so highly.

Again, it’s hard, but hard isn’t bad. You’ll never be totally ready, so don’t wait for that feeling. I think it’s wonderful that you have baby fever and your husband wants to put a baby in you (I love it when my husband says that, even if I’m not ready!). Ultimately it’s between you, your husband, and the Lord.

That’s my two cents. I just really love being a mom, I even love childbirth, and I highly recommend it. ❤️
KatieMarie
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Re: How long did you wait after the wedding?

Post by KatieMarie »

FallingSlowly wrote: Tue Oct 04, 2022 6:57 pm A little over one year for us. Then had three in four years. I am glad we waited the year but I really had some baby fever! It was fun to get to know each other better, adjust to married life, and have some adventures just the two of us. But being a parent and raising children with the man you love is on a whole different level—in a good way! It is hard, don’t get me wrong, but when you’re both pursuing Christ and working hard to communicate well, it really is amazing. You learn and grow so much together. The closeness you feel once you have created a baby together is incredible. To see the products of your love toddling around the house is miraculous. It’s all scary when you’ve never experienced it before (and still scary after lol), but the Lord gives great grace and sustains you. And in Scripture, children are described as a blessing.

I have many friends who did not wait at all to get pregnant. They had babies before their first anniversary. And they love it. I really admire them for going for it and valuing children so highly.

Again, it’s hard, but hard isn’t bad. You’ll never be totally ready, so don’t wait for that feeling. I think it’s wonderful that you have baby fever and your husband wants to put a baby in you (I love it when my husband says that, even if I’m not ready!). Ultimately it’s between you, your husband, and the Lord.

That’s my two cents. I just really love being a mom, I even love childbirth, and I highly recommend it. ❤️
There isn’t anything I can edit in what you wrote. Thank you for the very sweet response. We have decided to just keep doing what we are doing. If he “puts a baby in me”, then I’ll be happy. If it takes a while, that’s fine too!
The main purpose of life is to live it with the man I love.
Pearl
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Re: How long did you wait after the wedding?

Post by Pearl »

When my husband and I were still in the "just friends" stage before dating and marriage, we had a conversation about life goals. I admitted that I really wanted to be a wife and a mom most of all. This was a scary admission from me since I really liked this guy, and wanted to say whatever would impress him, and I didn't want to come across as hitting on him either...he hadn't made his interest in me obvious yet. At the same time, a little voice inside encouraged me to just be honest.

Little did I know how that very admission was the impetus for him to begin to see me with fresh eyes-- as someone he could marry one day.

Today our fifth baby is a couple months old! We have celebrated life given, and life given for a time, but released back to the Lord (I've had 4 miscarriages as well as the 5 living children). And we celebrate the life of my second child who was brought to the brink of death when he had stage 4 cancer at 9mo old. For reasons known only to the Lord his life was spared and he is thriving today, praise God!

One thing is certain, our children are born for GOD'S glory and purposes. Every single one comes into the world at just the right time, for just the right reasons. And each one lives not a day too short or long.... It is the Lord who authors life and it's duration. When I lost my babies, it took a long time to grieve... It seemed so cruel and senseless... But I read the story of Hannah and Samuel. It was very convicting! I realized I had focused my desires so much on myself-- I wanted to "be a mom"-- when my desire should have been to bring up godly children to know and serve the Lord. It seems obvious, but that is where we christians often miss the mark, isn't it? You may never need to walk the same road (I pray yours is smoother!), but in your eagerness to attain that status of "mother", don't make my mistake and lose sight of the reality of children as whole and separate people. Such an awesome privilege!
KatieMarie
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Re: How long did you wait after the wedding?

Post by KatieMarie »

Thank you for that reminder. And I do feel for you for what your family has had to endure.
The main purpose of life is to live it with the man I love.
garyb
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Re: How long did you wait after the wedding?

Post by garyb »

Pearl wrote: Fri Nov 11, 2022 7:53 pm One thing is certain, our children are born for GOD'S glory and purposes. Every single one comes into the world at just the right time, for just the right reasons. And each one lives not a day too short or long.... It is the Lord who authors life and it's duration. When I lost my babies, it took a long time to grieve... It seemed so cruel and senseless... But I read the story of Hannah and Samuel. It was very convicting! I realized I had focused my desires so much on myself-- I wanted to "be a mom"-- when my desire should have been to bring up godly children to know and serve the Lord. It seems obvious, but that is where we christians often miss the mark, isn't it? You may never need to walk the same road (I pray yours is smoother!), but in your eagerness to attain that status of "mother", don't make my mistake and lose sight of the reality of children as whole and separate people. Such an awesome privilege!
Thank you @Pearl for these wonderful words of wisdom. These words should be framed and proudly displayed in every families household.
--GaryB
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