What changes sexually in menopause?

[SeekingChange]

This question is more towards those who don't do HRT, or what their experience was pre-HRT.

What changes did you (or your wife) notice with menopause, that impacted you/her sexually, whether for the positive or negative? This isn't just about physical, but also emotionally and mentally.


I finally did a hormonal panel to have some sort of baseline to go off of for future purposes. As my husband and I were talking about it all, I mentioned how some women, my sister included, enjoyed menopause because it was more stable, with the lack of hormone swings/ranges. He asked how it effected her sexually....I didn't know because we had never talked about it. I did ask her about it the other day, but she wasn't in a place she could freely answer, and we haven't talked since.

[newwifenewlife]

My wife loves not having a period. She also gained weight while on BC when previously married so she doesn't miss BC/hormones that way either. Her sex drive is gone from when we got married. (That doesn't mean she isn't responsive, but her responses will may take awhile and sometimes orgasm may be elusive without extra help from a toy and even then, it might not happen. It also means that DW actually initiating, typically comes out of a conscious decision for me/us.)

Unlike horrors stories of vaginal dryness and PIV pain that DW has heard, it has not ever been an issue but we'll still use oil for lube for fun and foreplay. I do not know if her lack of dryness is just her body and current state (post period for 18 months) and/or combination of her young age (just shy of 44...and for those who've not been around here to our story, DW was tested in her 30's when we got married and her hormone levels were that of a 55 y/o). We are also regularly engaging in sex at least 3-5x/wk so could that be impacting her lubrication and keep things "moist". Will that change as she closing in on 50 or older? Was the early menopause just a natural occurrence for her OR was it a part of her body's response to the emotional abuse in DW's previous marriage and the PTSD she's experienced moving beyond it?

The freedom of no periods we've both enjoyed but I do miss her sexual drive and energy during our first two years of marriage. We've talked about HRT but know that it brings risks for her of breast cancer (family history), weight gain, and menstrual cycles and other issues surrounding it. Is it worth those problems and risks? Those are convo's we've been having along with DW's doctor.

[LovingHimAlways]

I could have written much of what NLNW wrote above.

I too went through menopause in my mid 40's. To be honest, I never really noticed any major changes other than the end of period which was nice.

There were no discernible differences in my sex drive. I've always been responsive desire and have difficulty reaching O. I do tend to have dryness but, a good amount of foreplay and lube usually helps.

I've often wondered why i had such an "uneventful" menopause experience. I know that there wasn't as much discussion about hormones and their affect on menopause as there is today. Not that I was hearing anyway. Whether my lack of knowledge played a role in my not noticing any changes or whether I was just fortunate, I will never know.

[Ron]

My wife went from a low libido to no libido. While she can be sexually responsive, her desire is near zero. She said if she never had sex again, she wouldn't miss it. She definitely likes not having her period.

It is difficult for me to be with someone that has near zero interest in sex, doesn't want do it, read about it etc.

[strawberryblonde]

I experienced menopause in my late 40's and have had no additional hormones since birth control in the late 80's. Have not seen a gyno since 2003 but should have sought help for mental/emotional stuff during menopause, and much earlier, for a long bout of post-partum depression.

Negatives:
I need to interrupt the marriage exercises for a lube job every. single. time. or be more creative about timing the lube.
Loss of drive/desire/arousal.

Positives:
No vaginal pain during PIV.
We no longer have the concern of a late, high-risk pregnancy.
Much more emotional stability.
I lost weight. With the exception of one thing that won't ever be fixed, I'm pretty much over my insecurities about my shape and have moved on to feeling like WYSIWYG.
The (mostly) empty nest coinciding with being post-menopause has meant more freedom and flexibility with timing, activities, and sexual displays of affection.

[LBD]

Is the fan running in December unusual? If your husband is cold-natured, he might want to invest in some warm undergarments.

I don't know for sure how to describe the sexual changes as they have also coincided with many other changes in that area - most good, some less than good. Having no periods has been an overall positive. But attitude has tended to go downhill - lots of witchy episodes. Some vaginal atrophy was handled with I-V estrogen. I would say the plumbing there is better now than before even. However, if there is some extended PIV, there will likely be lube required.

Some weight gain, a little menopause belly has materialized. She never had much libido to speak of, and that has not changed for better or worse.

[PaulB]

No big sexual changes here. She did go from a cyclical drive to a steady one. So we lost the chase me down day, but also lost the days she was not at all interested because of her hormones. Overall a good trade.

[MrEden]

Menopause was easy for my wife. Just a few hot flashes.

Post-menopause, everything improved -- her libido, lubrication, and the intensity of orgasms. She became multi-orgasmic and started squirting. (We started experimenting with G-spot stimulation at that time, so that is likely a factor.) And she was just as feminine as ever.

After menopause, while hormone levels decrease, a woman can end up with a better testosterone to estrogen ratio, resulting in better sex.

Unfortunately, a few years post-menopause, she lost her ovaries. Our sex life was practically non-existent a few months later. She is now on bioidentical hormone replacement therapy, and having the best sex of her life.

A couple takeaways from her experience: If you are postmenopausal, do not casually let them remove your ovaries if given the option. Contrary to popular opinion, they do not become inactive, but serve an important function throughout your life -- producing hormones.

If you are post-menopausal and having any difficulties at all, go see a BHRT doctor. It works, and is very safe, actually protecting you from cancer and many age-related diseases