Wife of 39Yrs say she could live without sex

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BikeDad
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Wife of 39Yrs say she could live without sex

Post by BikeDad »

Long time reader, 1st post
My wife of 39 years proclaims she can live without sex.
She's 61 and I'm 62. Post MP so she cannot orgasm. We still have PIV or Mutual MB once a week
She knows I MB.
Sunday mornings are our scheduled time.
This morning I was thinking (with morning wood) I could just go take care of this.
Then I thought, she might get upset?
Then I thought, she might prefer I take care of myself and not bug her for sex. Oh Jez I hope this is not the case!
She doesn't turn me down on Sunday mornings.
Is she having sex just to keep me happy?
Sounds like we need to have a conversation
Anybody else in the same boat?
Advice?
Ron
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Re: Wife of 39Yrs say she could live without sex

Post by Ron »

Yes, we have gone through this. My wife after menopause said if she never had sex again, she wouldn't miss it and just doesn't need it at all. Along with some physical issues, it made sex difficult.

She told me I could masturbate and she would help me or give me a handjob. We still have sex sometimes, but not very often.

Your wife will need estrogen either tablets or cream. If she doesn't, her vagina will shrink and get very dry and make intercourse not possible, even with lubes.
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Olorin
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Re: Wife of 39Yrs say she could live without sex

Post by Olorin »

You say she is past menopause and cannot orgasm. My wife is also post-menopausal, however, she can orgasm using a magic wand. She has low desire, but we still engage in PIV and other activities because she knows sex is important to me. Have you talked to your wife about your desire for sex? Would she be open to using a vibrator to enhance her pleasure?
Tantalum
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Re: Wife of 39Yrs say she could live without sex

Post by Tantalum »

I don’t think your situation is unusual.
My wife says her libido really dropped after the menopause.
I certainly think she would agree with the statement that she could live without sex. Fortunately for me she’s very generous and enjoys the emotional intimacy aspect of lovemaking.
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Re: Wife of 39Yrs say she could live without sex

Post by Paradox »

Tantalum wrote: Mon Sep 04, 2023 11:55 am I don’t think your situation is unusual.
My wife says her libido really dropped after the menopause.
I certainly think she would agree with the statement that she could live without sex. Fortunately for me she’s very generous and enjoys the emotional intimacy aspect of lovemaking.
We are in our early 60's. My wife started menopause in her late 40's. Neither of us have the urgent, got to do it now, sex drive that we once had, but we still find time to physically love one another 2-3 time/week. It is healthy for our marriage. My wife does not orgasm as frequently as she once did, but she connects with me vigorously and with passion. We are a pretty even mix of handjob, oral and PIV.
MrMarried
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Re: Wife of 39Yrs say she could live without sex

Post by MrMarried »

BikeDad wrote: Mon Sep 04, 2023 3:21 am Long time reader, 1st post
My wife of 39 years proclaims she can live without sex.
She's 61 and I'm 62. Post MP so she cannot orgasm. We still have PIV or Mutual MB once a week
She knows I MB.
Sunday mornings are our scheduled time.
This morning I was thinking (with morning wood) I could just go take care of this.
Then I thought, she might get upset?
Then I thought, she might prefer I take care of myself and not bug her for sex. Oh Jez I hope this is not the case!
She doesn't turn me down on Sunday mornings.
Is she having sex just to keep me happy?
Sounds like we need to have a conversation
Anybody else in the same boat?
Advice?
I suspect my wife might be coming into peri-menopause, but I'm not sure. She said stuff like she can take it or leave it, about sex. If one of us goes on a long trip and returns, she might want it. If she's around, I initiate sex before she seems to really horny.

But I say horny or not, orgasm or not, have intercourse. It's good for unity, oxytocin release, and a number of other things.
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LBD
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Re: Wife of 39Yrs say she could live without sex

Post by LBD »

Yep, mine has about said as much, but that was a few years before she went through MP. Now post-MP, I'm sure it's no different, however, we are having better sex now than before - go figure! How's that happen? Intentionality.

So, I don't think it's all that unusual, as you can gather by the responses here. The hormonal changes do a bad deal on women. Some go the replacement route with varying results. Others, like mine, can't, or just don't. And unfortunately, if they are of the type to "follow their feelings", then it just sux for us because they likely will not "feel like it" again. But that's a choice. Just like I don't "feel like" doing many of the things I do for my wife....
There are no solutions, only trade-offs. -Thomas Sowell
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Re: Wife of 39Yrs say she could live without sex

Post by Lightbulb »

My wife has said before she would be fine without sex the rest of her life (and we are closer to that being reality than I would have ever believed). She had a hysterectomy at a relatively young age and, while she never had a strong sex drive, has had almost no sex drive since then.
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Re: Wife of 39Yrs say she could live without sex

Post by SeekingChange »

I have actually made this statement myself, but I was young.

As long as one lives, is it ever too late for a heart to change?

IMO, this is a heart issue.
God can change what people do, behavioral patterns that have been in play for decades. He can change what we do to cope, to find comfort, to survive conflict, to count. Rahab had done a same old thing for years... and then she did something new.
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Re: Wife of 39Yrs say she could live without sex

Post by Paradox »

SeekingChange wrote: Mon Sep 11, 2023 12:59 pm I have actually made this statement myself, but I was young.

As long as one lives, is it ever too late for a heart to change?

IMO, this is a heart issue.
I agree with you. My wife and I slowed down for a short time during her early menopause, but it did not stop. We made some positions changes, started using condoms again for the smoothness, and she started taking low dose hormones.
I believe the reason we continued is that "making love" was always about more than poking, banging, humping and orgasms. It was about kissing, touching, talking and laughing, and our need for that never declined. This is a way that I give and receive love, and my wife knows this is important to me. Continuing to love me is a choice DW makes everyday. And, I choose her everyday.
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