Sex after surgery

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Happily married
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Sex after surgery

Post by Happily married »

In a week I will be having surgery to repair a rotator cuff. I've been told to expect 6 weeks in a sling and up to 6 months of recovery time. For those of you who have had any experience with this for yourself or with a spouse who has gone through it, what would you recommend to help keep the home fires burning? How did you manage sex both for yourself and for your spouse? I would grately appreciate any insight, advice, and prayer.
RedsPastor
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Re: Sex after surgery

Post by RedsPastor »

Happily married wrote: Mon Feb 21, 2022 6:38 am In a week I will be having surgery to repair a rotator cuff. I've been told to expect 6 weeks in a sling and up to 6 months of recovery time. For those of you who have had any experience with this for yourself or with a spouse who has gone through it, what would you recommend to help keep the home fires burning? How did you manage sex both for yourself and for your spouse? I would grately appreciate any insight, advice, and prayer.
I believe I can provide insight into this, as I had SLAP tear surgery back in august, which is the second most involved surgery on a shoulder, the rotator cuff being the first. It is indeed the time period you say.

While I was in a sling, there was a great deal of hands jobs and watching her mb using a vibe (only time I was out of a sling was in the shower). My arm was in a sling on the left, and because I'm left-handed and use my right arm to "perch" myself when giving her manual stimulation, that wouldn't work. At the 2 week check-up, he said I could start taking my arm out of my sling for 30 minutes at a time. I couldn't move anything, but I could still lay on my back and have my arm at my side, stroking DW's calf. She used a vibe and WOT and it was ok. Not being able to do much kinda sucked, to be honest. I can tell you that once, I accidently grabbed onto her right thing while I was o'ing, and the pain that shot up my arm was so intense I thought I'd popped an anchor...so try to not use that arm! FYI, I'm a right side sleeper, and that didn't work well. I became good friends with a 10mg fast acting tablet of melatonin and a pillow under my arm on my back, to help with the tension.

So, the first 2 weeks, all sling, with hj's for both and a vibe. After that, for the remaining 4 weeks, it will still in a sling, but as I started to do home stretches (at his recommendation), things started to loosen up and I could rub her thighs and such; this was when i was using my 30 minute daily window. still to painful to lift arms to rub breasts. I really couldn't go above her waist line without much pain.

After 6 weeks, out of the sling, started stretching PT at a clinic. Oh.My.Golly. The pain the first couple of times was unbearable. Get an REALLY GOOD ice pack. I can provide a recommendation if you one. From 6 weeks to 3 months, that was stretching pt, 3 times a week. DW and I intentionally scheduled sex\hj's,etc on the off days, because of the soreness afterwards. I got to the point where I COULD lift my arms to rubs breasts and such. WOT still only position, which is fine because we don't do ones with me on top much. Weight wise, I couldn't hold anything more than a can of coke.

From 3 months to 6 months, it was all strength (down to 2 times a week). My ROM (range of motion) was fully back, but I still wasn't allowed to lift more than 5 lbs outside of PT (I broke that rule a few times). As I discovered I could get stronger, I was able to "grab on" to her hips and legs more and really help with WOT movement. She found she could put her hang on my shoulder to support and it didn't hurt. Missionary still wasn't option, but others were.

On a side note, I drive one handed, with my left hand. About halfway through stretching pt, I was able to lift it back up on the steering wheel and drive well.

The last month of PT, while at the clinic, I was lifting 30 lbs with a kettle bell over my head (two handed) no problem...this was one of my personal requirements, since I need to be able to lift a 30 lb airpack (think scuba tank) over my head for fire-fighting. When I was able to do that, I was ALSO able to do any positions with me on top.

I was officially cleared by the doc to go back to 'full duty' feb 7. My surgery was aug 15 of '21. Do EXACTLY what the doc and pt person tells you to do for at home exercise. if you don't, you'll fall behind in between sessions. The MOST HELPFUL exercise for me, to get my flexibility and strength back, were keeping my elbow at my waist, hand out from, and pushing the palm with a dowel rod as far as I could go, holding for 10 seconds, and then relaxing. ALL the stretching exercises at home were key in getting back my ROM. The PT guy even commented that he could tell when I was and wasn't doing them.

I'm glad I had the surgery, but I can tell you within a hour when a cold front is coming through now. :lol: .
I'm also glad I had it because it forced me to communicate with Red in ways I hadn't before, regarding our MB. It was already solid (2x a week on average), but having sex is different from hj's\os, etc. I had to learn to enjoy her as I had her.

I aside from the "storm front" stuff, I am full back to good. I'm actually a little bit MORE flexible in my left arm now.

Last thing: the day of and after, make sure to take your meds as they tell you for the first 48 hours. If you don't, you'll regret it. I didn't take anything after day 3 other than aleve, but the second day I missed a dose of hydro and the prescription anti-inflammatory...and I regretted it.
But by the grace of God I am what I am, and his grace toward me was not in vain. -- 1 Corinithians 15:10
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Re: Sex after surgery

Post by Happily married »

Thanks RedsPastor for the great insight and time you took to answer my question. Your experience will help me navigate the weeks/months ahead with a game plan for recovery from surgery along with meeting other physical needs both for my DW and me. Thanks again for taking the time. Any other insight from you or others would, again, be appreciated.
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Re: Sex after surgery

Post by DesertDweller »

I've never had shoulder surgery, but plenty of knee surgeries. So for a while, even cowgirl wasn't possible.
We just did things, pretty much where she did all the 'work'. Handjobs, oral, masturbate together, anything where I didn't get my knee in a bind, or have to use it at all. I got handsy with her a lot, and we spent some time retesting all the toys in the toy box too.
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Re: Sex after surgery

Post by Happily married »

Sounds like a lot of toy time, doing a lot of watching and being an inactive partner to minimize the pain. Makes sense to have sex the days between therapy as I am sure that will put me through my paces. I do have an iceman machine to use instead of the ice packs. It was recommended by someone else at church. Looking forward to hopefully being pain free and increased range of motion/flexibility. In the current state it does limit what we can do.
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Re: Sex after surgery

Post by Irnmyk »

While I can't be specific about the injuries that occasioned it (anonymity), there have been two instances in the last 25 years where I had my arm in a sling for six straight weeks, both of which involved the much loved (NOT!!!) Physical Therapy afterwards.

In neither of those occasions do I remember that it impeded our sex life in any way, although I will say that all that occurred back in the days when I thought I was riding high with getting sex about once a week.

I do not remember any special workarounds, but I can say that we don't and have never used Toys, so that wasn't how we carried on.

A couple of years ago, I had a major, major surgery (chest area) where, after surgery on a Tuesday, Intensive Care for about a week, on the second Thursday afterwards, we resumed our sex life. I DO REMEMBER thinking then, that the portion of my body that is involved in sex wasn't affected, but my upper corpus was, so we would have to use methods and positions that didn't involve arm and upper body strength.

Now, that was during our sexual renaissance, so sex was then, as it is now, much more frequent than just once a week. We pulled it off - very carefully - and it was great (and a great diversion while I convalesced). Other than when I was in the hospital, we carried on as pretty much usual.
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Re: Sex after surgery

Post by Happily married »

Irnmyk wrote: Thu Feb 24, 2022 7:34 am We pulled it off - very carefully - and it was great (and a great diversion while I convalesced). Other than when I was in the hospital, we carried on as pretty much usual.
Like "very carefully" and "a great diversion while I convalesced."

As Bilbo Baggins once said "I'm going on an adventure." We'll see how it all plays out.
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Re: Sex after surgery

Post by Happily married »

I am now 4 weeks post-surgery. Thanks for the prayers and advice. So far, I would say that the healing is going well with minimal pain. Two more weeks in the sling and then I start therapy. Sleeping in the recliner isn't much to speak about, but it's getting a bit better. Sex is a challenge, but we are managing.
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Re: Sex after surgery

Post by Happily married »

Thought I would give an update on my recovery now just over 3 months since surgery. It was a significant tear, with a conservative protocol for rehab, but the therapist is very pleased with my progress and range of motion. There is soreness with some exercises, but I can raise my arm over my head without difficulty or pain. The challenge is still behind the back, but there is improvement. I'm doing so well they plan to discharge me from therapy next week. I still have some challenges with certain positions for sex, so we just work around them and take our time. It's been a journey and looking back from where I was to where I am, God is good. Thank you for those who prayed and for the suggestions.
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Re: Sex after surgery

Post by DoveGrey »

This is good news, indeed! I will pray for continued healing and rehabilitation.
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