Thoughts On Porn That Isnt Porn?

Addiction, fantasy, habitual masturbation ...
Forum rules
Post in this section can be seen by guests and search engines.
User avatar
PaulB
Site Admin
Site Admin
Posts: 1304
Joined: Tue Dec 22, 2020 4:53 pm
Location: Eastern Washington
Contact:

Re: Thoughts On Porn That Isnt Porn?

Post by PaulB »

proverbs519man wrote: Mon Feb 05, 2024 4:10 pm I've seen a lot of oral in porn so I'm a bit confused.

When you say clitoral stimulation, you mean of the glans right? Because the clitoris can be stimulated internally through the spongey tissue at the top the vaginal wall when it's fully engorged, hence the concept of the "G" spot (which is just stroking the clitoral shaft through the vaginal wall). There's also the blubs that can sometimes be a powerful spot for women who tend to like doggie and the like.

I understand that glans stimulation tends to be where it's at for a large percentage of women and ignoring it is a big problem, just wanted to clarify the terminology.
Apparently the top 80 vids didn't show a lot of oral on women.

Yes, they were talking about stimulation of the gland clitoris. Would have been nice if they had made that clear, but they were using words as most folks understand them. Stimulation of the rest is nice, but not likely to result in orgasm. Some say the G-spot is part of the clitoris, some say it's not, and some still deny it exists.
Happily married for 39 years and living the good life near two of our grandsons!

Marriage and Sex Educator & Blogger
The Generous HusbandThe XY Code
Tim Steel
Single
Single
Posts: 24
Joined: Mon Sep 25, 2023 10:19 pm

Re: Thoughts On Porn That Isnt Porn?

Post by Tim Steel »

proverbs519man wrote: Thu Feb 08, 2024 2:26 pm I still come back to how could someone watch another person engage in sexual acts without at least fantasizing about sex with them somewhat. Even if it's a...well it's a sin so I won't but....

I just don't see how that is helpful at all. Now I understand you can have such thoughts seeing someone at a grocery store. But I don't see how you can avoid such thoughts when watching porn.
I'm not sure this is the place to continue the conversation but if it is I have a few observations/questions.
Are you saying based on your understanding then that other people are prohibited from viewing erotic material?
Here are the assumptions I see you are making, correct me if I'm wrong;
1. Watching another person engage in sex acts leads to fantasizing about having sex with that person.
2. Fantasizing about having sex with another person is prohibited (a Biblically defined sin).
3. There is no benefit from viewing erotic material.
I'm making an assumption too, so please correct me if I'm not understanding you correctly;
When you use the term "porn" you are referring to erotic media (and I would assume you would include in-person encounters) where a person or multiple people are engaged in some sexually charged activity. Perhaps you would also include still nude photos (or sculptures) as well if they are meant to arouse? Is there a line you want to draw before it is not considered "porn" like if the depictions are not actual sex, but simulated or some other line?
Are you open to seeing benefit from erotic material? Or is this a “case closed” issue for you?
Bare with me, I'm still really new here and don't know how nuanced these discussions have been.
User avatar
SeekingChange
Moderator
Moderator
Posts: 8106
Joined: Sun Dec 20, 2020 8:45 pm
Location: All I know is I'm not home yet

Re: Thoughts On Porn That Isnt Porn?

Post by SeekingChange »

proverbs519man wrote: Thu Feb 08, 2024 2:26 pm I still come back to how could someone watch another person engage in sexual acts without at least fantasizing about sex with them somewhat.
Whether I am watching a PG-13 movie, read a romance book or have watched porn and it engages my mind or even arouses me.... I don't fantasize about the person. My fantasies are about scenarios. I see myself in that scenerio, not with the specific person/character I am reading about or viewing. Which, I have read is very common for women and they even use marketing to target that difference in women versus if their target is men.

Is it a sin/wrong for someone to imagine sex in different places or different ways outside of what they are actually doing? I feel freedom in doing that, and it has enhanced our marriage bed.
God can change what people do, behavioral patterns that have been in play for decades. He can change what we do to cope, to find comfort, to survive conflict, to count. Rahab had done a same old thing for years... and then she did something new.
Paradox
California King
California King
Posts: 864
Joined: Sat Apr 15, 2023 1:29 pm

Re: Thoughts On Porn That Isnt Porn?

Post by Paradox »

PaulB wrote: Sat Feb 10, 2024 10:07 am
Apparently the top 80 vids didn't show a lot of oral on women.
Out of curiosity, is there actually a list of the "Top 80?" How is that decided?
Mike smith
California King
California King
Posts: 638
Joined: Sat Jan 09, 2021 9:00 am

Re: Thoughts On Porn That Isnt Porn?

Post by Mike smith »

I find that any sexual arousal I have other than with my wife is never individual specific. Erotic material can easily arouse me but I don’t individualize it.
Lightbulb
King bed
King bed
Posts: 371
Joined: Tue Mar 09, 2021 12:27 pm

Re: Thoughts On Porn That Isnt Porn?

Post by Lightbulb »

SeekingChange wrote: Mon Feb 12, 2024 3:08 pm Whether I am watching a PG-13 movie, read a romance book or have watched porn and it engages my mind or even arouses me.... I don't fantasize about the person. My fantasies are about scenarios. I see myself in that scenerio, not with the specific person/character I am reading about or viewing. Which, I have read is very common for women and they even use marketing to target that difference in women versus if their target is men.

Is it a sin/wrong for someone to imagine sex in different places or different ways outside of what they are actually doing? I feel freedom in doing that, and it has enhanced our marriage bed.
That was my experience as well. Video porn was more about voyeurism than fantasy. I didn't want to be the guy, didn't pretend that was me there, I was just watching another couple have sex. That doesn't make it OK, but it just wasn't wrong for the reason some people think it is (lusting after someone other than your spouse).
Tim Steel wrote: Mon Feb 12, 2024 1:51 pm
When you use the term "porn" you are referring to erotic media (and I would assume you would include in-person encounters) where a person or multiple people are engaged in some sexually charged activity. Perhaps you would also include still nude photos (or sculptures) as well if they are meant to arouse? Is there a line you want to draw before it is not considered "porn" like if the depictions are not actual sex, but simulated or some other line?
Are you open to seeing benefit from erotic material?
I think that's how most people would define it. Erotic material that is explicit - either visually or in print. I would include photos (ie Playboy magazine), video, or even erotic based books that are intended to arouse and meet that same level of explicit. I think most folks would consider erotica to potentially be porn if it was explicit enough but just being erotic wouldn't necessarily make it porn (ie DH Lawrence might be erotic but I don't think most people TODAY would consider it pornography. Also, on photos or video, I think most folks would think it needed to contain actual nudity (underneath the bikini or speedo).

I've come to define pornography differently since I've identified that I need to discontinue that bad habit. I've started to define it for me as anything intended to arouse sexuality that doesn't involve my wife. Sports Illustrated Swimsuit edition is only there to arouse - the fact that they don't actually show nipples on the women is irrelevant to me because its there solely to arouse. Same thing with TV/movies. I don't want to see any portrayal of sexuality even if it doesn't show actual girly parts. I wouldn't expect others to adopt that same definition unless they thought they were being inappropriately impacted by it.
User avatar
PaulB
Site Admin
Site Admin
Posts: 1304
Joined: Tue Dec 22, 2020 4:53 pm
Location: Eastern Washington
Contact:

Re: Thoughts On Porn That Isnt Porn?

Post by PaulB »

Mike smith wrote: Mon Feb 12, 2024 6:37 pm I find that any sexual arousal I have other than with my wife is never individual specific. Erotic material can easily arouse me but I don’t individualize it.
Are you familiar with the term demisexual?
Demisexuality is a sexual orientation in which a person feels sexually attracted to someone only after they've developed a close emotional bond with them. Forming a bond doesn't guarantee a person will feel a sexual attraction, but the bond is needed before sexual activity is even possible.
Sound like you?
Happily married for 39 years and living the good life near two of our grandsons!

Marriage and Sex Educator & Blogger
The Generous HusbandThe XY Code
Lightbulb
King bed
King bed
Posts: 371
Joined: Tue Mar 09, 2021 12:27 pm

Re: Thoughts On Porn That Isnt Porn?

Post by Lightbulb »

PaulB wrote: Thu Feb 22, 2024 3:44 pm
Demisexuality is a sexual orientation in which a person feels sexually attracted to someone only after they've developed a close emotional bond with them. Forming a bond doesn't guarantee a person will feel a sexual attraction, but the bond is needed before sexual activity is even possible.
Sound like you?[/align]
That sounds like my wife. It is also generally accompanied by a very low sex drive. My wife was particularly hurt by my noticing the attractiveness of other women in part because she doesn't really understand that love and sexual attraction aren't the same thing.
Mike smith
California King
California King
Posts: 638
Joined: Sat Jan 09, 2021 9:00 am

Re: Thoughts On Porn That Isnt Porn?

Post by Mike smith »

I don’t individualize sexual arousal because I deliberately choose to not go there. I don’t even want to consider the possibility.
johnnyutah
Double
Double
Posts: 73
Joined: Sun Sep 18, 2022 5:34 pm

Re: Thoughts On Porn That Isnt Porn?

Post by johnnyutah »

We do not individualize the visual erotica that we consume when we are together.

The visual erotica that we do consume has one specific feature that arouses us equally the very same and ignites a deep passion in us for each other.

What we consume is hetero.

I do very much believe, and am spiritually/Biblically convicted that consuming visual erotica of others is a bad approximation for something that is really good.

I do believe that consuming visual erotica of others is sexually, and neurologically, unhealthy...even damaging.

Truth: we enjoy doing it together, very much, and go through seasons where we are convicted to abstain fully as well as deeply tempted to dabble in it. This has been the pattern through the entirety of our marriage.
Post Reply

Return to “Pornography / Erotica”