Husband Looking on OnlyFans-- what do I do?

[Yummy17]

I haven't read all the posts here, but I hope you haven't decided to withhold from him indefinitely because of this. If you need a few weeks, fine. But get back together with him sexually as soon as you can. He knows what is best, and that is you. If you can reflect upon your past relationship and see where you two may have had trouble getting together, address that as a couple. Nothing frustrates Satan more that a loving couple working on these things together!

Re the above our nature leads us to wanting to lash out or not take the more loving road ( 1 Corinthians 13) when we follow the flesh and not the spirit.
You’ll need to be taking things 1 day at a time.
Amongst other things, allowing time to bond, chat, be with baby before they sleep and then whatever comes after before sleep is crucial.
Also is there any prospect of your hubby getting a job? That will help you all round, income, confidence, etc.

[newwifenewlife]

What Plum Purple said.

Give him a daily path to do the next right thing and as he does that over time, your ability to see your husband doing the right thing will allow your body’s tension & self-protection to ease because you’ll have something you can look back and see.

[LBD]

... I am trying (failing) not to take it personally.

I would encourage you to drill down (NOT drill him!) on this point with your husband. For him, it was NOT personal toward you. And it can be hard for him to understand how it IS for you. I know it certainly is feeling personal and that fact should be understood and appreciated. But at the same time, you should know that he did not mean to hurt you, and that was the last thing on his mind. It was all about soothing something inside himself. What needs to be happening is he needs to figure out what exactly that was, and how he can address that in a healthy way, and how you can be a part of that. Focus there...TOGETHER!

And a little hint to help you - look closely and honestly at yourself. What are the ways you self-sooth that could be unknowingly negatively affecting him? We all do it. Hopefully it does not cause our spouses pain, but sometimes it does. This could help you gain empathy and calm your anxiety.

Why OF feels more problematic is because it is a direct transaction with a person. But rest assured, the OF model could not care less who your husband is, nor could she care less about you. What he was getting out of it was a connection, although a false one. You can help remind him there is a healthy connection that can be gotten at home. Work on that TOGETHER!

God Bless You!