Husband watching porn

Addiction, fantasy, habitual masturbation ...
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PeggyCarter
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Husband watching porn

Post by PeggyCarter »

If the wife caught her husband watching porn and he has been looking at it for years should the wife still have sex with him? What are your thoughts.
"Women matter on their own, not In relation to a man."-Anne Shirley Colbert
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newwifenewlife
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Re: Husband watching porn

Post by newwifenewlife »

PeggyCarter wrote: Wed Jun 15, 2022 9:47 am If the wife caught her husband watching porn and he has been looking at it for years should the wife still have sex with him? What are your thoughts.
Why do you ask? Is there a specific situation you’re asking about? Porn use for women is a growing area, over 30% of women, including Christian women, confess to porn use so it is not a male only problem.

Some things come to mind: What led to its use? How long? How often? What kind and why? What was the need/hole that the usage was trying to meet/fill? All those things can influence the steps of recovery going forward. With that said, I think there needs to be comprehensive plan to address the issues which the porn use/addiction started and the vacuum in which it grew. This would include things like: repentance, professional counseling for the person and later the couple, accountability via relational and software.

In regards to your sex question, certainly a period of time would be understandable to address the personal & relational issues and hurt that has occurred BUT it should NOT be a punishment, as much as it should be a part of the healing journey and rewiring of the porn users brain, especially if it’s been a long time and hardcore use. At some point, the couple will need to restore the bonds of physical intimacy and that will take a choice by the person who feels betrayed to move forward and reengage physically in the marriage bed as much as the spouse might if he or she made their own mistake of sin and wanted to experience grace. That’s what honors God and is the design for marriage. Marriage and family is a incubator for developing God’s grace, forgiveness, mercy, and holiness in us. We experience hurt in relationship and sex and we can experience healing in relationships and sex.
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PeggyCarter
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Re: Husband watching porn

Post by PeggyCarter »

newwifenewlife wrote: Wed Jun 15, 2022 10:34 am
PeggyCarter wrote: Wed Jun 15, 2022 9:47 am If the wife caught her husband watching porn and he has been looking at it for years should the wife still have sex with him? What are your thoughts.
Why do you ask? Is there a specific situation you’re asking about? Porn use for women is a growing area, over 30% of women, including Christian women, confess to porn use so it is not a male only problem.

Some things come to mind: What led to its use? How long? How often? What kind and why? What was the need/hole that the usage was trying to meet/fill? All those things can influence the steps of recovery going forward. With that said, I think there needs to be comprehensive plan to address the issues which the porn use/addiction started and the vacuum in which it grew. This would include things like: repentance, professional counseling for the person and later the couple, accountability via relational and software.

In regards to your sex question, certainly a period of time would be understandable to address the personal & relational issues and hurt that has occurred BUT it should NOT be a punishment, as much as it should be a part of the healing journey and rewiring of the porn users brain, especially if it’s been a long time and hardcore use. At some point, the couple will need to restore the bonds of physical intimacy and that will take a choice by the person who feels betrayed to move forward and reengage physically in the marriage bed as much as the spouse might if he or she made their own mistake of sin and wanted to experience grace. That’s what honors God and is the design for marriage. Marriage and family is a incubator for developing God’s grace, forgiveness, mercy, and holiness in us. We experience hurt in relationship and sex and we can experience healing in relationships and sex.
This has NOTHING to do with me. It was just something ai was listening to on a podcast that's all.
"Women matter on their own, not In relation to a man."-Anne Shirley Colbert
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LBD
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Re: Husband watching porn

Post by LBD »

In light of your answer to NWNL - my answer is "maybe, maybe not"- it depends on a lot of things not addressed in your question.

If you frame it as an instant reaction without context, then no. I would counter with "if a husband catches his wife reading romance novels should he stop romancing her?"

I would think many wives may answer that with "he should instead amp up his romancing efforts in response!" Hmm....is the goose's medicine good for the gander here??

It's almost never an easy, black or white answer for almost all of the situations you can come up with - and I've heard and read and known of a LOT of them. Almost nothing in a marriage happens in a vacuum. I am not suggesting one is responsible for another's sin, but they are lots of beams hindering vision out there.

Porn may be unique in this one thing - for a lot of men, their habit or addiction likely started before they were married. Likely long before. This indicates an issue that is deeper than the marriage and is not necessarily indicative of something going wrong within the marriage. If a wife just cold-turkeyed her husband over such, now she has made it about the marriage more so than it probably was before.

Just something to think about...make the right thing easy.
There are no solutions, only trade-offs. -Thomas Sowell
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