Would you?

What is lust? What isn't? How can I guard myself...
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Link+Zelda
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Re: Would you?

Post by Link+Zelda »

MiddleMan wrote: Thu Feb 17, 2022 11:57 am My DW once admitted she should stop thinking of someone else (I'm sure it was her ex-boyfriend) during sex as that's the same as pornography. I was surprised 1. she admitted it 2. she made the connection with porn. I have to admit I was a bit shocked and even hurt, but I've never asked her any follow up questions. However, I don't know that I would have stopped having sex with her on account of it.
Not gonna lie, @MiddleMan, but you've had a few stories here (e.g. when she brushed aside the gyno's suggestion of the possibility of your size being an issue) that would have trampled what little confidence I have if I was in your situation. It sure seems like you're made of some stern stuff. Hats off to you!
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MiddleMan
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Re: Would you?

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@Link, Well thanks. She's really awesome, I don't want to come across like she's heartless or anything. She is pretty honest once she decides that's what she needs to do, and I'm not sure she thinks about how I am going to take it. Because I always do. I'm a safe space for her.

But there have been some hard times feeling like it was me against a ghost I can't see and for years didn't realize was there. For a long time I looked at our marriage as my sacrificial, somewhat unreciprocated love. However, a few things happened that caused me to realize she does love me, and then about 8 or 10 years ago we had a pretty intense couple of days of discussion where we cleared the air I had a chance to say a lot of what was on my mind. We are doing great now, and are both committed to honesty, even if it causes some uncomfortable conversations.
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footnassman
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Re: Would you?

Post by footnassman »

DOTMH wrote: Sun Feb 06, 2022 7:44 pm Would you sleep with your husband if you knew he was thinking/fantasizing about someone else while doing it?
No
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DoveGrey
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Re: Would you?

Post by DoveGrey »

@DOTMH, please don't hesitate to reach out if you need someone to help you work through this. We are here for you, and you can PM me if you like.
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MiddleMan
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Re: Would you?

Post by MiddleMan »

MiddleMan wrote: Thu Feb 17, 2022 1:48 pm @Link, Well thanks. She's really awesome, I don't want to come across like she's heartless or anything. She is pretty honest once she decides that's what she needs to do, and I'm not sure she thinks about how I am going to take it. Because I always do. I'm a safe space for her.

But there have been some hard times feeling like it was me against a ghost I can't see and for years didn't realize was there. For a long time I looked at our marriage as my sacrificial, somewhat unreciprocated love. However, a few things happened that caused me to realize she does love me, and then about 8 or 10 years ago we had a pretty intense couple of days of discussion where we cleared the air I had a chance to say a lot of what was on my mind. We are doing great now, and are both committed to honesty, even if it causes some uncomfortable conversations.

Just an FYI, I debated about keeping in that second paragraph, am still somewhat ambivalent about it, but I hope it helps someone. While it is not an exact answer to DOTSM's OP, I want to let her know there is hope for a better relationship. In our case it was many years, but I wouldn't trade DW in for anything (or anyone).
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