Growing up in purity culture

What is lust? What isn't? How can I guard myself...
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MrMarried
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Re: Growing up in purity culture

Post by MrMarried »

Btw, I remember seeing references to promise rings in movies and on TV. Sometimes the character is an uptight religious hypocrite, a girl who pretends to be a virgin but is promiscuous or there is a character that loses her virginity in spite of her commitment, and this is presented in a positive light. Hollywood writers or producers seem hostile toward an obviously healthy stance against sex before marriage.
DaveW
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Re: Growing up in purity culture

Post by DaveW »

PeggyCarter wrote: Mon Jun 20, 2022 10:25 am"Moral responsibility for being raped" wow so when I was sexually assault it was my "moral responsibility for being sexually assaulted".
The "Purity Culture" was by no means a monolith. Such things seldom are. Yes there were places that pinned the blame 100% on the woman for any kind of sexual assault. Fortunately, there were not that many places.

Most of the places DID place an undue amount of burden on women to keep the men folk from lusting, which IMO was entirely unjustified; at least from a scriptural standpoint. They pointed to "dress modestly" scriptures, which if you look at the context in scripture and the social understanding of the culture in which it was written, had very little to do with how much skin was being exposed. Rather it was about the OTHER modesty - not flaunting your wealth or social status.
DaveW
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Re: Growing up in purity culture

Post by DaveW »

I believe when I was in jr/sr high I came in at the very beginning of it (early 90's). I vaguely remember at a youth event/conference there was talk about "true love waits", or at least along that gist. I also remember they challenged the youth to commit to waiting.
I was in college and the congregation was into Bill Gothard's version of it. He had some pretty messed up ideas. No dating. Stay at home under your parents' authoritarian rule until you get married. If you are 70 and single you still have to obey your 90 year old parents as if you were a toddler.

If you fall in love with someone (or even have a crush) and do not marry them, you give away a piece of your heart that you never get back and as a result you do not have a whole heart to give to the person you DO marry. Lust was defined as any sexual urge, feeling or curiosity before you get married.
Last edited by SeekingChange on Fri Jul 15, 2022 11:14 am, edited 1 time in total.
Reason: Fixed quoting issue
KatieMarie
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Re: Growing up in purity culture

Post by KatieMarie »

Growing up I was definitely taught at Church, school and at home that I was supposed to remain “pure” until my wedding night. I wore a Purity Ring, and tried to block out the thought of having sex, or even masturbating for a long time. I’m not going to criticize anyone who believes that it works, and is positive. For me, it was repressive and not mentally healthy. When I finally allowed myself to explore me, I decided that it wasn’t something that I wanted to do anymore. I refuse to be ashamed that I am a sexual being, and I refuse to feel “dirty” for self pleasure, or now that I am married, embracing the joys of sex. I might not have waited until we were married to give myself to him, but we were engaged, and planning our wedding. My DH does not think that I am “damaged goods” because he is the one who I gave my virginity to.
The main purpose of life is to live it with the man I love.
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