Men: Frontal Hugs With Females

[SLS]

I try to go with whatever the woman is comfortable with. Side hugs and frontal hugs are both fine with me. Yes, the feel of female breasts can be sexually arousing but I am fully able to set that feeling aside if the woman is not my wife.

[WirelessRouter]

@EB, other men also agree with me about not noticing women's breasts when giving hugs. Personally, I think it's a REALLY good thing I don't have thoughts about my Mom's breasts when I hug her. Just say'n'....

My point when I bring up SSA counseling is to point out the contradictory treatment in the church of SSA versus excessive opposite sex attraction. With SSA, counselors routinely work to de-sexualize affection (which includes hugs) and teach healthy relationship skills. But when a guy struggles with wrong desires for women, the message mostly boils down to avoid. Avoid time alone with them. Avoid hugging them. Ect. These are complete opposites. They can't both work.

As regards Col 2:23: It is true that Paul is rebuking asceticism, and that asceticism has it's rules because typically (always?) it accompanied the belief that the body is evil, but Paul says nothing to rebuke that idea in this verse. The fact of the grammar is that Paul is stating the rules for severe treatment of the body are of no value. There is no possible antecedent for the word "These" beginning v. 23 that could be referring to the belief that the flesh is evil.  The article you shared makes the point I'm trying to make by bringing up that verse incredibly well.

"It’s easy to fall into deceitful ascetic practices when fighting sexual sin. We may begin to believe that any form of sexual pleasure is wrong, as many have falsely taught throughout church history. We may believe that certain external practices, such as internet filters, accountability partners, or self-harm for sin, will solve the problem.

However, focusing on external behaviors will never change the true problem in our hearts. They can be very helpful guardrails that stop the bleeding and keep us from further external sin while God’s grace transforms our hearts, but they can never change our hearts in and of themselves. That’s why asceticism has no power to stop the indulgence of the flesh. Even if we put up the perfect external system to prevent us from looking at pornography, that still won’t change our hearts, and that heart-corruption will simply manifest itself in another way. In this way, asceticism can be like a medicine that cures a surface symptom while the patient still dies of cancer."

Avoiding normal hugs with the opposite sex fits into that as well. If the non-sexual act of hugging a woman creates thoughts of lust in a guy, the hug obviously isn't the problem, and avoiding hugs entirely can only push it down until it comes out another way.

[LBD]

You have hit upon some truth here young padawan. But be careful not to apply it over-liberally as to assume it fits all in every situation.

One could say that a past porn addict who freely surfs the web with no filter or safety net is “truly free” or “living dangerously.” The fact is both could apply. And we should also never attach negative judgement on a similarly recovered PA who chooses to keep the filters in place and the accountability active. That does not mean they are only partially recovered or otherwise.  Do you wear your seatbelt when you drive? Do you put on your helmet when you skydive? Or check the chute twice? Or do you deride the one who does?

I do wholeheartedly agree with the unbalanced handling of SSA/homosexuality and “normal” sexual sins by the church in general. Too many place one in one column and the other in a less offensive column. That attitude is patently wrong and sinful in and of itself. All sin is abhorrent to God, though sexual sin is more detrimental to the sinner, as scripture tells us “one sins against his own body.”  Both should be handled with truth and grace.

A good hug can be good for the soul - for the right person, at the right time, in the right way. However, I have seen that “huggers” often look suspiciously at “non-huggers.”  Some even express their suspicions outright.

[RuggedAmerican]

I would like some input from men and women, but especially from the men.  What do you think about hugging women you are not married to?  Do frontal hugs bother you?  Are you able to feel the female’s breasts, and if so, does that lead to lust? 
What are your thoughts on a couple, engaged but saving themselves for marriage, seeking to make it to the wedding day free from lust, saving their first kiss for their marriage ceremony... but holding each other in LONG frontal hugs?
Thanks for your input. 

I'm fine with frontal hugs. Yes, you can feel the woman's breasts. So? Most women have breasts. What's the deal?

I'm fine with unmarried couples doing far more than kissing, but if they're saving kissing for the wedding, hugging is going to be all the more important!

[Sygoonda]

Anyone other than Dw gets a one arm hug, either a side hug, but more often a frontal hug. I never really noticed if the ladies hug with one arm or two.

What is disappointing is that sometimes ladies at church are more enthusiastic about giving Me a hug than DW is.

[PaulB]

It depends on the situation and the woman. First and foremost, I don't want to make her uncomfortable.

I once gave a female friend an off-the-ground bear hug at a coffee shop. My wife was ten feet away and was fine with it. And agreed it was appropriate. And it really blessed the woman. I've only once done that with an adult woman other than my wife. I probably would not have done it at church (she is a member of our church), as I would not want to offend. But if I felt she needed it and it was okay with God, I'd do it and deal with the fallout.

We live in a society that is starved for healthy touch. I can't do much about that for most people, but when I can, I do.

[Yummy17]

My husband is a very expressive person and that includes being a hugger.  I believe the circumstance determines how he hugs, most often it's not a full frontal hug.  In many of his situations, I would guess he is too focused on the situation (why he is hugging) rather than evaluating what he is sensing (feeling.)  His hugging also almost exclusively happens in a non-private area, meaning publicly or with others around, many times I am around also, and it doesn't faze me in the least (with the exception of a few "red flagged" women in 26 years.)

As a woman, there have been certain males that have fully enveloped me in their arms for a hug.  God bless those men, because that kind of comforting, accepting, loving message is exactly what I needed.  One incident that stands out to me is when I was in the midst of burn out, and I visited a church  of a friend of my husbands, whom I was acquainted with.  When he saw me after the service, he knew things weren't okay, his pastor's heart was evident and he was the arms of Christ.  How can we be the arms of Christ when we refuse to hold and embrace, when love calls for it?

Exactly. I had a few of these hugs when we were going through our financial struggles and selling up our house. I notice this post is in the first year of Covid. The avoidance of human contact socially, physically and for mental well being was NOT a good thing. ( and it did t stop the spread of anything btw) So many people craved human contact and hugs perhaps more than they normally would. There’s also the cultural backgrounds to consider. We have a number of Fijians in our mix and they are for the most part huggers.
I think that as a man if you think it will bother you, then it’s something you’ll need to work on. You can still list after a woman with no contact or without seeing her on a regular basis. I would feel pretty weird if I learnt that a brother didn’t want to hug me anymore due to the reasons . I’m sure I would be able to come to terms with it though.

[clearbluesky]

Used to have more frontal in HS and college church retreats. There were a few girls us guys noticed and would discuss later, notice how she is one that presses her boobs forward into you? We’d wonder what was up with that being a bit rare and unusual.

Really only have done side hugs even with family since being married. Maybe when we’ve had a longer embrace when a close family member passes. I was reminded of the pressing boobs into me when a woman in church choir was a bit emotionally disconnected from her husband approached me and just pressed into me after an absence. She was a bit close in her space with everyone.

I had a past classmate serving at a restaurant while my son was 8 when eating. She was a bit of a wild spirit and sat down in the booth and pressed her cheek to mine and embraced. The shock on his face. After she left, he said “Does mom know about her?” I said, “I haven’t really known about her for 30 years!”