Best Advice for the Wedding Night

[MrMarried]

If a friend asks to follow you two back to the hotel room because she didn't taste the wedding cake and some was delivered to your room, say 'No!'

My wife was naiive or shortsighted or something when she was young, and so was this other single Asian lady Weddings go so late and some cultures may take more than a day, so they don't associate the wedding night with sex as strongly as we do, and it her and my wife's culture, the wedding night is spent at the bride's parent's house. Her parents came in from a different city from where we wed, and we did not do that.

I stayed by the elevator. Our friend asked why. I said, "there's something I need to do." She said, "oh, carry your bride over the threshold." I hadn't even thought of that, so I agreed, because I wanted to do that, too. I wanted to have sex for the first time ever, and I figured waiting by the elevator would hurry her up.

This may not be the best advice, since it probably isn't universally applicable.

[MrMarried]

Advice for the bride, especially a virgin who doesn't know much about sex. Men look forward to the wedding night. He probably wants to see you naked and have sex with you on the wedding night, and very often thereafter, not wait until tomorrow or next week. Rest up as best you can the night before the wedding, and leave the party as early as you can without being rude or disrespectful to anyone. Have a towel for fluids or bleeding. Have some lube (K-Y), coconut oil. Advice on how to use it, etc.

He may not last long. It may take a while for you to learn how to orgasm during sex.

If you express enjoyment and appreciation for his body and what he is doing, he may appreciate that.

If you use a lot of hairspray or makeup for the wedding, wash that off and out on your wedding night.

For the man, be gentle. Women's bodies need to warm up. Their vaginas need to get lubricated and warmed up for sex. Start with kissing, then caressing. You can remove her clothing slowly unless she is eager to get it off. Do not squeeze breasts hard. Kiss and caress gently. Pay attention to other parts besides that and her genitals. Say kind loving words to her. Express appreciation and admiration for parts of her body. Be gentle with her private parts. Play with the clitoris. Ask her and she can tell you if she wants you to increase pressure. Lube her clitoris before playing with it. Lube your part up and hers before entry. She may bleed a little if she is a virgin. If she does, check with her and you may need to cut the intercourse short.

Do not jackhammer when you thrust. Be gentle and measured. Pay attention to her reaction. Check with her and see if you are hurting her, if she wants it harder, etc. When you enter, enter shallow. Flex your muscles as if lifting your penis. Stretch her out a bit. Then start thrusting slow very shallow. Then start thrusting a quarter inch deeper for 30 seconds or so. Work your way in thrusting slowly until you get to your full depth to stretch her out.

Jackhammer style thrusting may make her sore and not want it the next morning. Lube also helps prevent chaffing, which again may allow for a greater chance of intercourse the next day.

For your sex gear, you can have water based lube and a little travel-sized squirt bottle with potable water in it. If she gives you a hand job, that keeps the lube slick. You can even squirt the lube before entering her.

Advice on birth control. Birth control pills can make her get fat. I'd read years ago it can lead to zygotes being aborted, so we avoided it. We just used spermicide. If you can get the film, , you can put it on the head or 'neck' of the penis and squirt some water on it and it will dissolve. Condoms may help you last longer, but you won't feel much of the inside of her, and sensations are greatly reduced.

After you ejaculate, continue to play with her clitoris and finger her, if she likes that, to see if you can help her achieve an orgasm or orgasms. You could also manually stimulate her or do oral sex on her before even entering her to give her an orgasm or two so she will be well warmed up before intercourse.

If her vagina clamps down super tight or intercourse is painful for some other reason, be willing to pull out or not enter. Make sex as good of an experience as you can for her.

It may take some week before you can get her to orgasm during sex, and it usually requires some clitoral play. Some women may not orgasm during sex.

[DoveGrey]

If a friend asks to follow you two back to the hotel room because she didn't taste the wedding cake and some was delivered to your room, say 'No!'

Oh, that's a real facepalm moment!

I was Matron of Honor at a wedding where the hotel needed to give... something, I forget what... to the bride and groom. Only whatever it was, the bride needed me to take it to her house since they were leaving for their trip the next day. So I ended up waiting with the bride and groom in their hotel room for an hour, waiting for the valet to bring it up. They'd been together for almost a decade (high school sweethearts), and I know they waited for the wedding night to have sex. I was so mortified I couldn't look the groom in the eye, and it wasn't even my fault I had to be there.

It's one of the most awkward things I've ever done. I can't imagine doing it just for cake. Like, just go buy a slice at a bakery at that point!

[Mike smith]

I would suggest memorizing most of what Mr. married said except the birth control issue. Condoms are a real friend to hypersensitive penises. They may reduce sensation for him a bit, but for a new groom, that may just what he needs. While careful planning is helpful, sometimes there is a point where it is just best to play it by ear, or something considerably lower on the anatomy.

[Yotes]

We've been married for 33 years. Our wedding night was special because we were finally alone, and could be as intimate as we wanted. We tried PIV (penis in vagina), but it really didn't work out, so we just had fun exploring each other. I read that for virgins, their wedding night is seldom met with "successful sex", and it is perfectly alright: ther's plenty of time for that, and it's definitely fun to try. Keep a sense of humor. There are no rules or expectations, and it's OK to just go to bed and cuddle and fall asleep, as you're probably both exhausted.

The wedding night does not have to result in sex. It is the start of a change in your relationship, where the two become one. You and your mate are now one, and the rules are now set by you and not any outside influence that you do not want. God gave us sex, intimacy, and marriage. It is not perfectly okay for you you to engage in all the things too many of us learned growing up was "wrong". It may take a while to realize that it's OK to be naked and comfortable in front of someone of the opposite sex, and it's OK to touch and feel each other in formerly private areas. And it is OK to enjoy learning and experimenting!

For the guys: your responsibility on your wedding night is to be prepared with some information about sex (this site, your dad, a book, or other male figure you respect). You are the ordained leader, and should be able to help your new bride to enter the new world of sexual intimacy, and to support her in her new feelings and apprehensions. Your job is also to bring condoms (unless using no BC, other BC methods have been agreed on). Also, bring good lubrication, and no expectations of having a "release". This may be an opportune time to talk about masturbation in your marriage if you haven't already discussed it, and maybe even to watch each other do it, if you're comfortable. You can learn a lot about someone when doing it, and it can be a lot of fun if approached right.

[PaulB]

If a couple are virgins, or if just the wife is, I like to suggest you don't have to have PIV the first night. Enjoy each other. Explore each other. Make each other come by hand.

Doing this removes the fear some women have about first intercourse, and makes the couple's first sex act positive and pleasurable.

[Beaglebag]

Read the Good Girl's/Boy's Guide to Sex by the Gregoires! My husband and I are reading them now and they are really helpful.

[Deleted User 5155]

This is a very helpful thread. I feel like Christian’s these days are so scared to talk about these things that young people go in not know what to expect. Thank you all for the openness.