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Best Advice for the Wedding Night

What's supposed to happen on the wedding night? Will it hurt? What if I'm not a virgin?
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SLS
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Best Advice for the Wedding Night

Post by SLS »

copied over from the QNA forum

Thought it would be a good idea for married couples to share their best advice and recommendations for engaged couples approaching the wedding night.

I wrote a detailed wedding night guide on another site and I’ll share those thoughts below.

Wedding Night Advice:

1. Don’t be afraid of “failure”. Things may not all go according to plan. You may not be able to have complete intercourse the first night, she may not be able to orgasm, she may be on her period, he might have trouble with premature ejaculation, erectile dysfunction etc. It took 3 nights before I was able to get all the way inside DW and 3-4 months before she experienced an orgasm. I would recommend having the goal of going all the way but don’t get bummed if y’all don’t quite make it. Its a learning experience. Just have fun.

2. I think it is important to understand that most guys think as much about the wedding night as most girls do about the wedding (there are also many women who anticipate the wedding night just as much as the guy). Therefore, the wedding night should be as thoroughly discussed as the ceremony.

Engaged couples should seek a private place (preferably without a bedroom or easy way to engage in sex) and have a rundown. How do they want the wedding night to go? Do they want to have him undress her or for her to do a strip tease? Does he want her to wear lingerie, the wedding dress, something else? Do they want to skip the undressing part all together and just meet up naked in the shower? What positions do they want to try? Do they just want to be spontaneous and have nothing planned? etc. etc.

3. Be slow and sensual. Hopefully this is the bride and grooms first sexual experience* and it can be a little overwhelming at first. My wife was a bit startled when she saw an erect penis in the flesh for the first time. I know the natural inclination for a guy after the door closes is to just rip her clothes off and get at it but that isn’t the way to go. (unless that is what she wants).

Instead go slowly and spend time exploring each other’s bodies (a full length mirror is great for this). I would recommend that the husband undress the wife and trace, explore, and lovingly comment on each part he uncovers. Use the Song of Solomon chapters 4 & 7 as a guide.

Specific recommendations for guys:

A. Avoid the obvious sexual parts at first and comment on her other features, hair, eyes, lips, feet, etc. Slowly remove articles of each other’s clothing in turn (socks, pants, shirt, pieces of lingerie not covering sexy bits, etc.) Kiss, kiss, and kiss again!

B. After this she should only have clothes covering her sexual areas. Take them off and gaze at the beauty of your bride. The reveal of the breasts and vulva is a very special moment. Savor it. To me this was the moment when my wife and I became sexually intimate. Do all the things you planned to do with her breasts (but slowly and gently); kiss them, squeeze them, suck on them etc. Tell her how beautiful she is.

C. At this point the husband should start manually stimulating the clitoris with his hand. Take in the sight of her fully naked body while continuing stimulation. Add generous amounts of artificial lubricant.

D. When she is very aroused and lubricated attempt to bring her to orgasm. Listen to her ques and directions. If it seems after a while like it’s not gonna happen don’t sweat it, just proceed to intercourse.

E. Missionary position is generally the best for first time sex. Slowly attempt penetration. It might take some effort to get everything at the right angle. Some initial discomfort is okay but if it hurts her stop and apply more lubricant. Sex isn’t supposed to hurt. If penetration just doesn’t work stop and climax in another fashion.

F. Once penetration has been achieved thrust slowly until ejaculation. It likely won’t take much time the first go round. If she isn’t fully satisfied, make sure to continue stimulation. Start training yourself that sex doesn’t end when you ejaculate. It ends when both partners are satisfied.

Note 1: It might be a good idea for the wife to give the husband a handjob or oral sex for his first orgasm. Reasons include PE concerns, intercourse not quite working out on the first go, the wife wanting to see how her husband’s arousal cycle works, or helping the wife get over her shyness for things sexual. If this idea is pursued I would encourage the wife to let her husband ejaculate in her mouth, on her breasts, stomach, or some other part of her body. Its okay though if this is too big a step for the first time.

Note 2: The guy should tell her how is he is feeling emotionally as he is unwrapping her. Women are far more emotionally minded than men and sometimes don’t realize how emotional sex is for a man. Telling her how she makes you feel emotionally is a great way to connect with her, arouse her (the brain is the most important sex organ), and help her realize sex is more than just physical.

*Even if the wedding night isn’t their first sexual experience they shouldn’t think of themselves as “damaged goods.” Everybody has fallen short in some way and God still wants them to have a marriage bed filled with joy and pleasure.
Happily married to Serafina for 7 years. She is my Venus. ::luv2
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LoriB
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Re: Best Advice for the Wedding Night

Post by LoriB »

I do understand you want the wedding night to be special, but understand you have a lifetime to explore, play, and have fun. If something goes awry, laugh. Really. You're learning. In time, you'll know each others' preferences. And then you'll grow and change and learn more as you go along. it's the adventure of a lifetime.
"People look at me like I'm a little strange, when I go around talking to squirrels and rabbits and stuff. That's OK. That's just OK." Bob Ross
The Generous Wife Dandelion Hill Homestead
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newwifenewlife
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Re: Best Advice for the Wedding Night

Post by newwifenewlife »

My mom told me to make sure we had washcloths or towels by the bed. :?: Why mom? Because what goes in must always come out. :shock: :oops: (Yeah, I was naive.)

In all seriousness, there's a lot to learn. Go slow and enjoy the connection. Giving is just as nice as receiving! The most important thing you can do is learn to use this time to emotionally connect and communicate about it. Talk about it before you get married and set some simple sexpectations for your wedding night and honeymoon. Unmet expectations can cause a lot of frustration in many areas of life and marriage so learning to communicate well, especially through difficult topics will help save you a lifetime of grief, especially on your honeymoon...and will greatly increase your marital and marriage bed satisfaction and enjoyment.
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GeorgeB
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Re: Best Advice for the Wedding Night

Post by GeorgeB »

My advice:

Don't overthink it. Relax. God designed our bodies to work together. Forget most of what you've heard/seen/read in movies and fictional books. Much of that is wrong or misleading.

Go easy on yourselves. There's no law that says you have to have PIV sex on your wedding night, especially if you're virgins.

You may have physical reasons, in fact, to not have intercourse right away. We certainly did, so we took it slow and eventually succeeded after six weeks of trying.

All in all, marriage is for life, and you have a lifetime to enjoy one another, so don't sweat it too much. As the Song of Solomon says--learn to play with one another and eat and drink your fill, O lovers!
Irnmyk
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Re: Best Advice for the Wedding Night

Post by Irnmyk »

I was counseled to "slow down, slow down, slow down" and I still went too fast, in retrospect.

SLOW DOWN!!!!!

(But, we survived it - so not to worry.)
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newwifenewlife
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Re: Best Advice for the Wedding Night

Post by newwifenewlife »

Take a listen to the “Honeymoon” & “Wedding Night” episodes of Sexy Marriage Radio with Corey Allan. Episodes #95 & 190.
Dad24
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Re: Best Advice for the Wedding Night

Post by Dad24 »

I agree with the other comments. I just wanted to add that from our experience, sex is a continual learning curve. We just celebrated our 28th anniversary snd we are still discovering new things with sex. Don’t overthink it. Don’t put too much pressure on yourself for performance. Learn to laugh at yourself and just enjoy the ride. Be open to try different things and become comfortable with your own body and explore each other’s bodies. Be creative and have fun. That’s how God intended it to be. From my experience, sex is better with each year of marriage. I was so uptight when we first married and viewed sex with a very black and white mindset. As I’ve aged I’ve realized there is a lot of gray areas with life including sex. Relax and have fun!!!
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