Sex toys for singles?

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Mike smith
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Re: Sex toys for singles?

Post by Mike smith »

If your eye offend you, pluck it out! 😅
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SeekingChange
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Re: Sex toys for singles?

Post by SeekingChange »

OnlyByGrace wrote: Fri Jun 21, 2024 11:04 pm
SeekingChange wrote: Sat Mar 06, 2021 12:23 pm If a toy or masturbation makes you sin, cut it off.
Sorry, even though this was from an old comment, it made me laugh. Cutting 'it' off would be quite an extreme measure, don't you think?
:lol: I guess I should have been a little more clear.
God can change what people do, behavioral patterns that have been in play for decades. He can change what we do to cope, to find comfort, to survive conflict, to count. Rahab had done a same old thing for years... and then she did something new.
Paradox
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Re: Sex toys for singles?

Post by Paradox »

When I was at age 14, and learned to masturbate, I was clueless as to it's link to "sex." It just felt good. When I masturbated, I was focused on getting the Big O feeling. When I was in college, I learned that some men used Playboy, etc., to assist them, but I felt that "pornography" was wrong, so I just focused on the feeling.
When I was 19, an older deacon at church talked to me about dating, and he suggested that I masturbated before going on a date in order to keep my mind clear, but continue to do it without lusting. It worked well, and I remained a virgin until I met my wife.
I do not think masturbation is a sin. I believe it helped me remain a virgin until I was 23. I masturbate in my marriage. My wife is OK with it. DW also masturbates from time to time. She is never "deprived." I only think of her.
The original question in this thread (from a few years back) asked about sex toys.....Can a person use the toy to masturbate without lusting for another person? Can they "focus on the feeling" without the image? My rules may not work for everyone, but they worked for me. I see buying a vibrator for a "tween" as a bit risky because of the likely personification of the toy. As I understand it, most women will even name their vibrator. That is a line that I personally couldn't handle. Everyone should have at least one of those lines.
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stagdoe
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Re: Sex toys for singles?

Post by stagdoe »

Paradox wrote: Sun Jun 23, 2024 3:11 pm When I was at age 14, and learned to masturbate, I was clueless as to it's link to "sex." It just felt good. When I masturbated, I was focused on getting the Big O feeling. When I was in college, I learned that some men used Playboy, etc., to assist them, but I felt that "pornography" was wrong, so I just focused on the feeling.
When I was 19, an older deacon at church talked to me about dating, and he suggested that I masturbated before going on a date in order to keep my mind clear, but continue to do it without lusting. It worked well, and I remained a virgin until I met my wife.
I do not think masturbation is a sin. I believe it helped me remain a virgin until I was 23. I masturbate in my marriage. My wife is OK with it. DW also masturbates from time to time. She is never "deprived." I only think of her.
The original question in this thread (from a few years back) asked about sex toys.....Can a person use the toy to masturbate without lusting for another person? Can they "focus on the feeling" without the image? My rules may not work for everyone, but they worked for me. I see buying a vibrator for a "tween" as a bit risky because of the likely personification of the toy. As I understand it, most women will even name their vibrator. That is a line that I personally couldn't handle. Everyone should have at least one of those lines.
I'd really, sincerely asking, like to know how this works. Masturbating without lusting. I heard someone say it once, and the implication was that, yeah, the point is that that's impossible. I can't think of one time where I wasn't lusting. I always though it was a cheat to re-define say, in this example, what lusting is, in order to create a loophole. So, in your heart, you really knew this was ok. I'm talking about doing this as a single. So no spouse to make it ok. In my mind, O and sexual activity with someone are so integral, that I don't know how this is possible.
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Re: Sex toys for singles?

Post by Paradox »

stagdoe wrote: Sun Jun 23, 2024 3:59 pm
I'd really, sincerely asking, like to know how this works. Masturbating without lusting. I heard someone say it once, and the implication was that, yeah, the point is that that's impossible. I can't think of one time where I wasn't lusting. I always though it was a cheat to re-define say, in this example, what lusting is, in order to create a loophole. So, in your heart, you really knew this was ok. I'm talking about doing this as a single. So no spouse to make it ok. In my mind, O and sexual activity with someone are so integral, that I don't know how this is possible.
Most people who "self-discover" at a young age do it because it feels good. The first few dozen times I masturbated, I had no clue that if I kept going it was going to make a mess. In my mind and experience, I was clueless as to how the action (and feeling) had anything to do with another person. I did not view pornography, or even connect it to sex in anyway for 4 years. When I did learn that it simulated sexual intercourse, I chose to not go down that road. There are huge numbers of young girls out there who started out pushing their clitori against gym bars, fists and pillows.
But, once I experienced my wife, imagining her voice, touch and taste, I enjoy her in my fantasies.
Mike smith
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Re: Sex toys for singles?

Post by Mike smith »

This is a very interesting topic for me. On the one hand (pun intended), I see no issue with early masturbation, I think of Seeking Change as a positive example of that, I wish I had started much sooner than I did. As for using toys, no problem. As for females using realistic dildos, that’s where I have illogical, perhaps,uneasiness. I don’t equate masturbation with sex. Using hands or even vibrator need not have any relationship with intercourse. Using a generic dildo perhaps need not simulate sex, but a realistic vagina or erect penis seems to come close. I sure wouldn’t condemn someone using such, but I would be uncomfortable using a realistic vagina.
While it might be awkward to provide one, I would be glad to know my children masturbate and have no issue with my daughter using a vibrator even generic dildo.
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stagdoe
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Re: Sex toys for singles?

Post by stagdoe »

Paradox wrote: Sun Jun 23, 2024 4:17 pm
stagdoe wrote: Sun Jun 23, 2024 3:59 pm
I'd really, sincerely asking, like to know how this works. Masturbating without lusting. I heard someone say it once, and the implication was that, yeah, the point is that that's impossible. I can't think of one time where I wasn't lusting. I always though it was a cheat to re-define say, in this example, what lusting is, in order to create a loophole. So, in your heart, you really knew this was ok. I'm talking about doing this as a single. So no spouse to make it ok. In my mind, O and sexual activity with someone are so integral, that I don't know how this is possible.
Most people who "self-discover" at a young age do it because it feels good. The first few dozen times I masturbated, I had no clue that if I kept going it was going to make a mess. In my mind and experience, I was clueless as to how the action (and feeling) had anything to do with another person. I did not view pornography, or even connect it to sex in anyway for 4 years. When I did learn that it simulated sexual intercourse, I chose to not go down that road. There are huge numbers of young girls out there who started out pushing their clitori against gym bars, fists and pillows.
But, once I experienced my wife, imagining her voice, touch and taste, I enjoy her in my fantasies.
OK, granted, but now we're talking about mature people on here talking about M'ing without lust before dates, etc. I guess that's the thing. As a horny teen/single, how is this done?
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Crow
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Re: Sex toys for singles?

Post by Crow »

stagdoe wrote: Sun Jun 23, 2024 3:59 pm I'd really, sincerely asking, like to know how this works. Masturbating without lusting. I heard someone say it once, and the implication was that, yeah, the point is that that's impossible. I can't think of one time where I wasn't lusting. I always though it was a cheat to re-define say, in this example, what lusting is, in order to create a loophole. So, in your heart, you really knew this was ok. I'm talking about doing this as a single. So no spouse to make it ok. In my mind, O and sexual activity with someone are so integral, that I don't know how this is possible.

I guess it depends on your definition of sinful lust.

The NT Greek word in Matthew 5:28 that is commonly translated as “lust” is “epithymēsai,” which merely means strong desire. It is not inherently a sexual word. Jesus “lusted” if you define it legalistically. Various forms of the word are used several times in non-sexual contexts. A form of the word is used in Luke 22:15: “I have ‘earnestly desired’ to eat this Passover with you before I suffer.”

I believe that it is the intent to commit adultery that makes it sinful, and not merely the existence of sexual content in a thought. The ESV translation of Matthew 5:28 includes the word "intent." A person has committed adultery in his heart if he had intent to commit it, even if he didn't succeed in physically doing it. The same would apply if a person had intent to steal something, but wasn't successful because he stubbed his toe or got lost.

So a married or single person could masturbate and could imagine the sensations of body parts of the opposite sex without sinning. A sex toy would not encourage a person to commit adultery with a married person. In fact, a sex toy may make it easier to avoid real life adultery. I don't see this as a loophole.
fearlesslunk
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Re: Sex toys for singles?

Post by fearlesslunk »

Crow wrote: Sun Jun 23, 2024 5:36 pm A sex toy would not encourage a person to commit adultery with a married person. In fact, a sex toy may make it easier to avoid real life adultery. I don't see this as a loophole.
I 100% agree. What lust means in Matthew 5 is not the equivalent of sexual thoughts or fantasies. It implies intent, coveting, and motive to act. So *thinking only* about a sex act you desire is NOT lust. Renting a hotel room because you know your neighbor’s husband is out of town… that is lust. So to the OP, I think toys for singles is AOK, likely even commendable.
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