Fleshlight or Other Male Masturbators for Singles

Where are the limits? What’s “okay” but dangerous?
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NewMan90
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Fleshlight or Other Male Masturbators for Singles

Post by NewMan90 »

Hey all,

Just wanted to hear some thoughts on this. I have been wrestling with the idea of buying a Fleshlight again. I say again because I used to own one. The difference is when I previously owned one I was neck deep in porn and sexual sinning with women online and in real life.

I recently repented of that sin and all my other ones and have been putting a lot of effort into pursuing Biblical sexuality.

I was a daily sometimes multi-daily hardcore porn user for years and now I haven’t looked at any in several months. It was tough but getting a lot easier.

I tossed my Fleshlight during one of my prior attempts at quitting, but at that time I viewed masturbation as enitirely sinful. After much reading and reflection I have changed that view to see some masturbation as sinful, but have grown to think my occasional masturbation with a focus on my own sensation or on a theoretical woman in marriage is sufficient and doesn’t cause me conviction.

With all that in mind I was curious about what people think about using a sex toy like a Fleshlight. My thinking was first that it feels good, but also avoids me remaining so used to my hand for sexual stimulation. Obvious a sex toy is not a perfect simulation of sex, but probably closer than a hand. Also not to get too graphic but you have the option of mounting (to your shower wall for instance) or placing it in a way that more closely simulates sexual motion.

My one hesitation would be that most Fleshlights modeled on porn actresses, using a mold of their genitals. That seems troublesome as when I used it I would be in some way simulating having sex with a specific woman and it is obviously meant to prompt porn fantasy. They do however have other ones that use a “generic opening” so I think that would be OK. What do you all think!?
Ron
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Re: Fleshlight or Other Male Masturbators for Singles

Post by Ron »

Not sure what to say. You are right, nothing wrong with masturbation at all or sex toys. I have some male masturbators, but don't have a porn problem either. I nearly always use them with my wife.

I wouldn't do anything that might cause you to go back to porn.
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SeekingChange
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Re: Fleshlight or Other Male Masturbators for Singles

Post by SeekingChange »

Using a generic one would eliminate certain places of conviction. For the most part, you need to stay aware of the state of your spirit vs your flesh. If that kind of activity slips you into sin, it's best to stay away from it, even if it's not sinful in and of itself. But, if you're sure you can keep you mind pure and not be tempted to go back to porn, there's no moral issue with it, IMO.
God can change what people do, behavioral patterns that have been in play for decades. He can change what we do to cope, to find comfort, to survive conflict, to count. Rahab had done a same old thing for years... and then she did something new.
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newwifenewlife
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Re: Fleshlight or Other Male Masturbators for Singles

Post by newwifenewlife »

NewMan90 wrote: Sat Oct 15, 2022 4:41 am ....and now I haven’t looked at any in several months. It was tough but getting a lot easier....
Several months is not that long to claim victory. Why open yourself back up towards temptation at this point?
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footnassman
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Re: Fleshlight or Other Male Masturbators for Singles

Post by footnassman »

I have no experience with one.

I have no qualms with masturbation for single or married individuals in otherwise healthy relationships.

I have no guidance on your primary question. I simply wanted to state beforehand, that relapse is common. I am not encouraging you toward it. I simply want to say that if it happens, there is grace and redemption even after relapse.

Only you know if this will lead to one. If it will, then do not knowingly walk that pathway.
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Crow
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Re: Fleshlight or Other Male Masturbators for Singles

Post by Crow »

My sweet wife got me one when she was pregnant with our first child almost 15 years ago. Female hormone shifts during pregnancy have unpredictable effects on libido, depending on the woman. Her drive went to zero. I thought that the Fleshlight was fun, and we used it together on me sometimes. She got me a fairly plain model compared to what is available now.

You’ll find a variety of opinions here about masturbation. Most here are fine with it, but there seems to be an acceptance and respect for those with opposing views on this topic. I personally think that it’s wonderful way for some of us to responsibly deal with our raging libidos.

I’ve seen the fleshlight models that are molded from real people, and I don’t see much risk from choosing one of those models. Maybe if it was a life-sized sex doll in the shape of a specific person it might make you focus more on that person’s body, but that would be creepy in other ways. Maybe if it was molded from someone I personally knew (like a woman I work closely with at work), it might make me think about that person, but not some stranger that I’ve never met.

I don’t remember the labia on my standard model having much of an impact physically and I remember wishing that it was larger so that maybe I could feel it just a little. It did make it slightly less weird to stick my penis into a funnel-shaped can of fleshy polymer with a lubricated hole. If I were to ever get another one, I might consider one with labia that were larger than the standard model. The models molded from real people seem to be the only way to get one with larger labia.

One of my complaints about the original fleshlight was the smooth internal texture inside. It felt great for a minute or two, but it didn’t have as much friction as I wanted. It looks like you can choose from a variety of strange internal textures now, though I wouldn’t know which one to choose. It looks like it would be much more difficult to clean out afterwards. They seem unnatural, but I wouldn't argue if they work! I don't know how effective they are, though.

The company doesn’t sell an attachment to the sink with a hose for flushing it out, do they? Cleaning and drying afterwards was one of the main reasons I would choose to not use it. Even if I cleaned it perfectly, I was always concerned that any leftover water inside might encourage bacteria growth. The thought of sticking my penis into something that might be riddled with mold or fungi didn’t seem safe or appealing. I after drying it as best I could, I’d leave it out drying on a towel for a day or two before replacing it into the plastic container.

In the end, I saw the Fleshlight’s appeal being primarily about novelty and variety, and I didn’t like cleaning it.

For regular masturbation without a Fleshlight, I thought that the choice of lubrication was most important. For that, I highly recommend Lubriderm Daily Moisture Lotion, Sensitive, Normal to Dry Skin. I’ve tried several, that this is by far the best for providing just the right balance of lubrication and friction.

Good luck and let us know how things work out!
NewMan90
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Re: Fleshlight or Other Male Masturbators for Singles

Post by NewMan90 »

newwifenewlife wrote: Sat Oct 15, 2022 6:53 am
NewMan90 wrote: Sat Oct 15, 2022 4:41 am ....and now I haven’t looked at any in several months. It was tough but getting a lot easier....
Several months is not that long to claim victory. Why open yourself back up towards temptation at this point?
I understand what you mean, but also disagree completely. I am not claiming victory of my own, because that is impossible. I would claim God's victory in the way that matters. It doesn't mean I will never look at porn again, but I hadn't gone more than a couple of weeks without looking at it in a decade, and it was a daily habit for years. I don't crave it, or struggle to stay away from it. Not that occassional temptation won't arise, but the almost physical craving is no longer there. So I feel alright about it.
NewMan90
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Re: Fleshlight or Other Male Masturbators for Singles

Post by NewMan90 »

For anyone who is interested. I did go ahead and decide to purchase one of these. I went ahead and got one that is not modled after a real person. I think overall it was a good experience and will help me with having a healthy masturbation life while single. It is a bit more enjoyable than using my hand. It is definitely very much more stimulating physically. I bought a thing that lets me attach it to the wall of my shower so I can (sorry if this is too descriptive) thrust into it.

I also think it can help me masturbate in a way that is better for me. I try not to slip into any immoral fantasy or fantasy about real life people when I masturbate. And using this it was easier to focus on just the physical sensation without having to really dwell on some fantasy to turn me on. I plan to reserve masturbation for when I really feel like I need it. And using the Fleshlight seems like it will help make it a better thing to delay gratification with.
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ThereAndBackAgain
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Re: Fleshlight or Other Male Masturbators for Singles

Post by ThereAndBackAgain »

NewMan90 wrote: Fri Oct 21, 2022 11:22 am For anyone who is interested. I did go ahead and decide to purchase one of these. I went ahead and got one that is not modled after a real person. I think overall it was a good experience and will help me with having a healthy masturbation life while single. It is a bit more enjoyable than using my hand. It is definitely very much more stimulating physically. I bought a thing that lets me attach it to the wall of my shower so I can (sorry if this is too descriptive) thrust into it.

I also think it can help me masturbate in a way that is better for me. I try not to slip into any immoral fantasy or fantasy about real life people when I masturbate. And using this it was easier to focus on just the physical sensation without having to really dwell on some fantasy to turn me on. I plan to reserve masturbation for when I really feel like I need it. And using the Fleshlight seems like it will help make it a better thing to delay gratification with.
Glad to hear things are working out! I've been in and out of the board, so I have an idea of where you're at right now.

I was convicted about some habits of mine and tossed whatever adult toys I had, that was about a month ago, now after four months or so without any porn; I've started slipping up again. I'm hoping to grab a few toys again, but not focus too intensely on them and avoid using them as a result.

Not sure what toy you bought; but I just go with the plain ones I can buy and smuggle home from Spencer's gifts.
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