Singleness and Masturbation

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eldorado
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Re: Singleness and Masturbation

Post by eldorado »

If you think about how our "parts" are created it was for our personal enjoyment.I am often reminded of how much different it feels to brush your fingers past your groin area than any place else.Our Creator put a boatload of nerves there to give us pleasure.My parents never really discussed "sex" with us but we farmed animals and had a front row seat as it were to get educated on the mechanics.The only parental discussion I remember was my mother wondering what those little "specks" were on my bed sheets,she said your brother always had that too.I noticed just a touch of sarcasm in her voice so I took it as a green light even though I felt my ears getting very warm.Life is good.
reh11boc
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Re: Singleness and Masturbation

Post by reh11boc »

I couldn’t agree more with Crow.

“Coming to peace with your sexuality and embracing it will almost certainly help you to improve yourself and your relationship with God.”

Indeed, there was have been wonderful, thoughtful and faith-filled posts here.

My good friend, keep your sensitive heart, your walk of faith and rest in the confidence that our Lord wired our male bodies, every part of them, just as He designed. There’s No shame in that.

Rest in Him, who does all things well and enjoy the confidence we have (all parts of us) because of our Lord’s design and amazing gifts to us.
Danuuu
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Re: Singleness and Masturbation

Post by Danuuu »

Honestly these posts have been incredibly helpful and informative to what I’ve been trying to understand about my male sexuality, so seriously thank you all!
Oldbear wrote: Sun Jan 21, 2024 12:46 pm Danuuu, I’m certain that you’ve experienced a ‘wet dream.’ Even at my age, I’ve had them! That’s the body’s natural way of coupling the mind and sexual organs in an amazing God created way. An orgasm is incredibly pleasurable. It’s produced by hormones and the emotion of our mind to stimulate us to connect our mind’s and body’s urge to achieve pleasure.
So in fact I haven’t experienced a wet dream ever. Even in moments where I’ve tried lasting 2-3 weeks of not MB, I’ve never had one. In fact that’s why it’s been such a guilt point in my life. Purity Culture Porn Recovery organizations like Crow mentioned, claim that wet dreams are what guys getting over what they call a MB addiction are supposed to achieve to never MB again. But with it being medically proven that many boys/men will never experience them, I was always left feeling very confused of what I’m supposed to do with this newfound never ending sex drive.
Mike smith wrote: Sun Jan 21, 2024 1:25 pm I had sex with my wife for years before I met her. She just didn’t have a face or name other than wife.
Crow wrote: Sun Jan 21, 2024 8:18 pm In my opinion, masturbation is a responsible way to help manage your sex drive. God created us as sexual beings, and it is a beautiful thing. The purity culture is a man-made creation that causes more problems than it solves. Coming to peace with your sexuality and embracing it will almost certainly help you to improve yourself and your relationship with God.

There is nothing wrong with imagining a woman's body parts. Yes, I'm taking about bare breasts, pubic hair, vulvas, and vaginas. They are obviously arousing and pleasurable to thing about. God created those things, too.

Also, I found it best to take my time and enjoy some time at a heighted state of arousal for a while before reaching my orgasm. I found that I quick orgasms did not alleviate sexual frustration very well. The urgency for an orgasm would be gone, but I still felt lonely and sexually frustrated.

Another reason to avoid quick orgasms is so that you don't train yourself to always be quick. Many men have trouble with pre-mature ejaculation. You'll need to last longer when it comes time for real sex.

How often do other single Christian men masturbate? I typically did it once a day and sometimes more. An informal poll on this site showed that most men who responded went through a period where masturbated at least once a day.
So 2 things here, 1st: Crow seriously thank you for bring up the frequency part of masturbating. Again another thing I’ve understood from purity culture is that masturbating daily is only training your body to expect to have sex that often with your eventual wife. But I relate so often with you and with I guess the many guys on here through that poll that I feel this urge daily and sometimes more often. So thank you for normalizing that for me because if anything I thought my struggle with masturbating that frequently was disqualifying me to be married one day.

2nd: A question for Crow and Mike, and really anyone here, how are you defining how Jesus was warning against lust in the Sermon on the Mount? This is often the main verse used by many in purity culture as why I as a single young guy shouldn’t be satisfying my sex drive with masturbation or thinking of my future wife. Crow you mention nothing being wrong with thinking about a woman’s body as that is what we are designed to be aroused and attracted to which makes sense to me. So then what I’m trying to understand better is where to draw the line between normal God-given male sexuality and beginning to lust/sin?
eldorado wrote: Mon Jan 22, 2024 10:25 am If you think about how our "parts" are created it was for our personal enjoyment.I am often reminded of how much different it feels to brush your fingers past your groin area than any place else.Our Creator put a boatload of nerves there to give us pleasure.My parents never really discussed "sex" with us but we farmed animals and had a front row seat as it were to get educated on the mechanics.The only parental discussion I remember was my mother wondering what those little "specks" were on my bed sheets,she said your brother always had that too.I noticed just a touch of sarcasm in her voice so I took it as a green light even though I felt my ears getting very warm.Life is good.
reh11boc wrote: Mon Jan 22, 2024 6:47 pm I couldn’t agree more with Crow.

“Coming to peace with your sexuality and embracing it will almost certainly help you to improve yourself and your relationship with God.”

Indeed, there was have been wonderful, thoughtful and faith-filled posts here.

My good friend, keep your sensitive heart, your walk of faith and rest in the confidence that our Lord wired our male bodies, every part of them, just as He designed. There’s No shame in that.

Rest in Him, who does all things well and enjoy the confidence we have (all parts of us) because of our Lord’s design and amazing gifts to us.
Once again appreciate your guy’s thoughts! I’ve walked this road of trying to sort through sexual thoughts/feelings/desires for so long by myself that I’ve only ever thought I was just a sinful guy who clearly doesn’t have a good grasp on my walk with God. Just because I didn’t know how to handle like eldorado mentioned, the good feelings in my groin. So you reh11boc saying I have a sensitive heart is honestly kind of mind blowing to me given how much I don’t think that’s true about myself. I am just a guy who is trying to make sense of the sexual part of my humanity and I’m trying to piece together the information and education I’ve gained from you guys and other good and/or Christian sources and figuring out what parts from porn or bad sources I need to throw away.
Mike smith
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Re: Singleness and Masturbation

Post by Mike smith »

You asked about lusting when you imagine a females body. In the first place, you are not imagining a real person, and secondly you are imagining that person as your spouse. Finally, there is an aspect of this, a grey area, that is murky to me that really doesn’t have to come into play in the above scenario. Some Christians contend that the word lust is translated from a Greek word that means envy, to want something so bad you would go to immoral means to obtain it. I don’t know about that but in any event, the scenarios Crow and I have suggested don’t involve that because as we said, it doesn’t involve a real person.
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Crow
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Re: Singleness and Masturbation

Post by Crow »

I don’t have time to go into much detail right now, but here is a short response. There is only a single Greek word that is sometimes translated as “lust” that is used for multiple nuances. One way to translate the word is for it to simply mean a strong desire. Jesus lusted according to that single Greek word. In my opinion, Jesus is referring to intent when equates lusts with adultery. If you intend to sneak off and have sex with someone else’s wife, you have committed adultery in your heart, even if you didn’t actually make it happen. This seems like such an obvious way to translate this, but not everyone agrees with me. There is a lot to say about this topic when I have more time.
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