Talking to Children about Masturbation

A safe place to ask about sex
Forum rules
Post in this section can be seen by guests and search engines.
IndyDad
Double
Double
Posts: 82
Joined: Thu Mar 28, 2024 9:09 pm

Re: Talking to Children about Masturbation

Post by IndyDad »

Moms seem to handle seeing their sons masturbating much better than dads catching their daughters. – maybe moms have a "boys will be boys" attitude and laugh it off?
User avatar
Momento
Double
Double
Posts: 77
Joined: Thu Oct 20, 2022 5:11 pm

Re: Talking to Children about Masturbation

Post by Momento »

Moms do seem to be more helpful to pubescent boys. Ours went to her when they made it sore and she gave them some cream to soothe it. She told them it was their own fault and not to be so rough with it.
My job was to try and keep them busy so they didn't have as much time to do it. They gradually learned that they didn't have to rub it every time it got stiff. I spent too much time playing with mine at that age and know how habit forming it can become.
User avatar
Momento
Double
Double
Posts: 77
Joined: Thu Oct 20, 2022 5:11 pm

Re: Talking to Children about Masturbation

Post by Momento »

garyb wrote: Wed Apr 03, 2024 8:29 am As a young adolescent, doing what ‘felt good’, then discovering the resulting orgasm/ejaculation (I don’t even think I knew those terms as a 12-13 yo), was enough for me. There was no fantasizing about anyone. I just learned when I do this, in addition to feeling good, the end result felt great. I didn’t start dating until I was 16 and only had 2 gfs. There was no sexual intimacy with them first one and some with the second one. (i.e. hjs, bjs, heavy petting). I just don’t remember fantasizing whenever I masturbated. I married then second one over 53 years ago and as they say, the rest is history.
There was no fantasizing for me either, I didn't know enough about girls to have fantasies and didn't need them anyway. I discovered how to get the 'good feeling' by accident. I didn't know what the white stuff was that came out, but I guessed it was the same as what someone called 'nocturnal emissions.'
Boy's of my generation were made to feel very guilty about not being able to stop cumming and my DW told me how guilty her church had made her feel as a teen, because she orgasmed when she touched herself. We have gone from having too little information to having access to more than we need.
IndyDad
Double
Double
Posts: 82
Joined: Thu Mar 28, 2024 9:09 pm

Re: Talking to Children about Masturbation

Post by IndyDad »

Overall, it seems to me silly, when masturbation is such a normal and healthy thing, that even to this day, there are negative attitudes about it. It almost seems in our DNA. Kids always seem to be secretive about masturbating and feel "naughty" about it. I have happened to see my child touching themself – in my case it was my daughter (and nothing extreme, just happened to have seen her rubbing on top of her panties). But even though I know it's natural and all, I was still taken aback by what I saw and had a feeling like I couldn't believe my "baby" was doing this.
Deleted User 3522

Re: Talking to Children about Masturbation

Post by Deleted User 3522 »

1. I discovered it on my own. I think to some extent I was always bodily curious, in the bath and such, but I somehow also instinctively felt it was something that it shouldn't be known that I did. Possibly because I was raised in a culture where you just didn't talk about it and openness about the human body wasn't how my parents lived. So I always touched a bit in private but then discovered later that if I kept touching, pleasant things would happen. I suppose you could say I was self-taught. Took me years, even into adulthood to get over the guilt, but I never "stopped" for very long.

The first time I ejaculated, because I knew literally nothing about that process, I thought I had broken something and it burst. I lived in fear for a day or two that somehow my parents could tell I was doing it or know that I had, and I would get into trouble. I debated telling them in case I needed to go to the doctor or something but the humiliation caused me to wait a bit and see, and since it didn't hurt, in about two days I was back at it under the covers. And to this day it's one of my favorite hobbies.

2. Based on my experience, I would recommend being completely upfront. Yes, to a lot of people it's embarrassing but it's also growth. All it would have taken is someone, my mom or dad, saying "you're going to feel this, and it's natural and safe to take care of yourself privately. It's normal." It would have spared me so much guilt, trying to stop and then starting again, and what I feel is a potential issue that gets taken into marriages, low stamina because young men furtively jack off to not get caught. I think as a parent I'd prefer to be honest, straightforward, not crude but frank, and hopefully with a sense of humor. And I think ultimately, my kids would appreciate and benefit from that, even if it was embarrassing in the moment.

I was strongly encouraged to abstain, and I think that was good. But purity should come from a place of self confidence. Not fear. I was so ignorant and afraid of my body, STDs, pregnancy, and discomfort with my own body and the feelings and changes of becoming a man, that it harmed my confidence in courtship. The church has to not fear science and knowledge about creation. If we understand how we are made and how our bodies work, and have confidence in ourselves, and I think, an outlet in masturbation and even comfort with nudity in our own private space, we can actually be more empowered to make moral decisions from a healthy place.

This affects my parenting perspective, because I think for both genders in different ways, knowing these things and being body and masturbation positive can be truly helpful. Men can learn to value time and detail in their own pleasure, and that can transfer to being able to make their brides happy, and have patience and stamina. For young women, they can feel confident in whatever their body type is and their ability to feel pleasure and know how things work, be aware of the pleasures of the clitoris, and so on, and I would much rather they learn that in confidence as they mature, instead of those feelings of curiosity finally overtaking them and getting them into a situation where a man is taking advantage of them. Plus, women who neglect their sexuality often deal with lower drive, which shortchanges their ability to have the great deal of pleasure God created them to have, and plays into the "pleasure is mostly for men" mentality that's infected a lot of Christian thinking for far too long.
IndyDad
Double
Double
Posts: 82
Joined: Thu Mar 28, 2024 9:09 pm

Re: Talking to Children about Masturbation

Post by IndyDad »

Momento wrote: Wed Apr 03, 2024 6:34 pm
garyb wrote: Wed Apr 03, 2024 8:29 am As a young adolescent, doing what ‘felt good’, then discovering the resulting orgasm/ejaculation (I don’t even think I knew those terms as a 12-13 yo), was enough for me. There was no fantasizing about anyone. I just learned when I do this, in addition to feeling good, the end result felt great. I didn’t start dating until I was 16 and only had 2 gfs. There was no sexual intimacy with them first one and some with the second one. (i.e. hjs, bjs, heavy petting). I just don’t remember fantasizing whenever I masturbated. I married then second one over 53 years ago and as they say, the rest is history.
There was no fantasizing for me either, I didn't know enough about girls to have fantasies and didn't need them anyway. I discovered how to get the 'good feeling' by accident. I didn't know what the white stuff was that came out, but I guessed it was the same as what someone called 'nocturnal emissions.'
Boy's of my generation were made to feel very guilty about not being able to stop cumming and my DW told me how guilty her church had made her feel as a teen, because she orgasmed when she touched herself. We have gone from having too little information to having access to more than we need.
How did you discover masturbation by accident?? my older brother helped me learn about it. Before that when I was a lot younger, I lay lay on my belly, my hands under my crotch and press, and that felt really good. And I seem to me that was a lot more obvious for boys to discover about masturbating because you’re right there in front of them as opposed to girls was kind of hidden away so to speak.
User avatar
Momento
Double
Double
Posts: 77
Joined: Thu Oct 20, 2022 5:11 pm

Re: Talking to Children about Masturbation

Post by Momento »

IndyDad wrote: Sun Apr 28, 2024 12:16 am How did you discover masturbation by accident?? my older brother helped me learn about it. Before that when I was a lot younger, I lay lay on my belly, my hands under my crotch and press, and that felt really good. And I seem to me that was a lot more obvious for boys to discover about masturbating because you’re right there in front of them as opposed to girls was kind of hidden away so to speak.
Like most boys my penis often got stiff and by the time I was 12 it was getting quite long. As you suggest, you can hardly ignore it when it is pointing straight up in front of you. I had been told nothing about why it did that and had no idea what it was for.
I was circumcised as a baby but my brothers weren't and my older brother teased me mercilessly that I wasn't a normal boy.
My exposed glans made my penis look very different to his and he claimed it looked a bit like a girl's, presumably because the slit in the end looked a bit like the little cleft our girl cousins had. I wasn't sure if I was a girl or a boy and was quite worried about it. (Curiously, him giving me such a hard time about this was on his conscience all his life. Many decades later, out of the blue, he apologized to me.)
I didn't know why my penis looked the way it did and would often examine and squeeze it when I had an erection. I liked the feeling I got and I had been playing with it for months when, in the bath one night, I accidently made my orgasm climax.
That first time was incredibly intense and I had no idea what was happening when it went totally out of my control and I started ejaculating.
It was an extremely powerful sensation. - I wonder if it like that for most children?
Last edited by SeekingChange on Sun Apr 28, 2024 4:09 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Reason: Fixed quoting issue
eldorado
Queen bed
Queen bed
Posts: 180
Joined: Sat Jan 09, 2021 9:00 am

Re: Talking to Children about Masturbation

Post by eldorado »

When my sons started using way to much soft water to shower I went to their room with a box of kleenex and had a friendly talk.If I had it to do over we would have had the Kleenex talk before we noticed the showers taking so long.Ive heard all the arguments pro and con but you can't tell your kids not to do what you enjoyed so much.
Liverrr
Queen bed
Queen bed
Posts: 156
Joined: Tue Jan 12, 2021 10:11 pm

Re: Talking to Children about Masturbation

Post by Liverrr »

IndyDad wrote: Tue Apr 02, 2024 10:29 pm
I think society puts negative taboos on what is basically human nature. For example, for most boys their mom (or maybe a sister) is the first female they see in their underwear – that's just an innocent thing that happens. But it does leave an impression on a boy. I've always felt society in general went "easier" on the idea of girls experimenting than boys doing so. Kind of a double standard involved. It's like sisters and female cousins fooling around seemed more harmless, or perhaps not as graphic (not quite the word I want) than what boys do together. The trick is at what age to talk to your kids and how much. Of course, early on parents have the "good touch/bad touch" talk – which actually may only confuse real young kids or scare them.
Very well stated. And to dove tail on this .... our current society does shun masterbating as adults/adolescents. Why? We all enjoy it either alone or with our spouse. We all have done in past and many still do - again alone or together. Shouldn't we be teaching it's allowed, normal, expected to clean up any finishing mess (boys, girls, husbands or wives) !

If we happen to hear or walk in on (notice I didn't use the term "catch ") our sons or daughters ... accept it, don't scold, talk later explaining it's normal but need to be private until married. Either a mom or dad can do this.

Lastly .... how many of us parents were walked in on as a teen and told unacceptable by our parents (the serious guilt trip) ... or walked in on by our kids while we were both playing .... or walked in on by your spouse while masterbating? We all know it happens for teens, single adults, married adults, parents etc...
Paradox
Hammock
Hammock
Posts: 1174
Joined: Sat Apr 15, 2023 1:29 pm

Re: Talking to Children about Masturbation

Post by Paradox »

We talked to our sons about masturbation when we could tell they were beginning to feel somewhat awkward about their sexuality, or noticed them being more careful to lock their bathroom door, or they were spending more time behind their closed bedroom or bathroom door. This allowed us to not delve deeper than they really had questions about. They were homeschooled, so their was not the social pressure and learning that so many adolescents (and pre-adolescents) have to deal with. We told each of them that it was "normal," but it was unhealthy to spend too much time on it, and not to expose their younger brothers to it. We always respected their closed door, so they were never walked-in on. Later, I explained that some young men masturbated to keep their time with girls less frustrating, awkward or even risky.
Post Reply

Return to “I Have Questions”