What do you think about your Partner?

What about headship and submission? Unsaved spouse? Other marriage roles.
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Katydid
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Re: What do you think about your Partner?

Post by Katydid »

No. I disobeyed God by deliberately marrying an unbeliever because I idolized marriage more than following His Will and obeying His Word to "be ye not unequally yoked."
Paradox
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Re: What do you think about your Partner?

Post by Paradox »

hastentheday wrote: Mon Apr 12, 2021 11:48 am
I am on record here in past posts writing that I am rather convinced I could have married and made marriage work with several women I dated in my past. But, once I chose @threesacrowd, she became The One and I never looked back or regretted that decision.
You stated this very well. I believe that "love" is a choice, and this is why so many arranged marriages have historically worked well.
I do pity the person who goes through life married and feeling that they "settled" for a person who is "less than ideal." This person's partner is the one who is being cheated. (Glen Campbell's hit, "Everyday Housewife" looks at this, but it's pretty depressing song.)
Tantalum
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Re: What do you think about your Partner?

Post by Tantalum »

Katydid wrote: Tue Jul 09, 2024 4:34 pm No. I disobeyed God by deliberately marrying an unbeliever because I idolized marriage more than following His Will and obeying His Word to "be ye not unequally yoked."
It sounds like you have a heavy cross to carry.
How bad is his unbelief, if you don’t mind me asking?
I have seen marriages where one of the spouses was not a believer but always had total loving respect for the spouse’s faith and that seemed to work OK. Otherwise the marriage was happy. They were getting along OK and 1 Corinthians 7:14 (unbelieving husband/wife being sanctified through the spouse) seemed to work in practice.
But being married to a militant atheist or somebody who is scornful or contemptuous towards the spouse’s faith, that must be awfully difficult.
Katydid
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Re: What do you think about your Partner?

Post by Katydid »

Tantalum wrote: Wed Jul 10, 2024 2:22 am
Katydid wrote: Tue Jul 09, 2024 4:34 pm No. I disobeyed God by deliberately marrying an unbeliever because I idolized marriage more than following His Will and obeying His Word to "be ye not unequally yoked."
It sounds like you have a heavy cross to carry.
How bad is his unbelief, if you don’t mind me asking?
I have seen marriages where one of the spouses was not a believer but always had total loving respect for the spouse’s faith and that seemed to work OK. Otherwise the marriage was happy. They were getting along OK and 1 Corinthians 7:14 (unbelieving husband/wife being sanctified through the spouse) seemed to work in practice.
But being married to a militant atheist or somebody who is scornful or contemptuous towards the spouse’s faith, that must be awfully difficult.
It's the latter. He wouldn't even go to our son's first communion or my confirmation.
Tantalum
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Re: What do you think about your Partner?

Post by Tantalum »

Katydid wrote: Wed Jul 10, 2024 2:34 am
Tantalum wrote: Wed Jul 10, 2024 2:22 am
Katydid wrote: Tue Jul 09, 2024 4:34 pm No. I disobeyed God by deliberately marrying an unbeliever because I idolized marriage more than following His Will and obeying His Word to "be ye not unequally yoked."
It sounds like you have a heavy cross to carry.
How bad is his unbelief, if you don’t mind me asking?
I have seen marriages where one of the spouses was not a believer but always had total loving respect for the spouse’s faith and that seemed to work OK. Otherwise the marriage was happy. They were getting along OK and 1 Corinthians 7:14 (unbelieving husband/wife being sanctified through the spouse) seemed to work in practice.
But being married to a militant atheist or somebody who is scornful or contemptuous towards the spouse’s faith, that must be awfully difficult.
It's the latter. He wouldn't even go to our son's first communion or my confirmation.
Huh, that must be very hard on you.
I admire your patience and commitment.
I don’t know how I would cope with a situation like that.
Lightbulb
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Re: What do you think about your Partner?

Post by Lightbulb »

I'm not sure my answer would be the same every day. I did not settle for my wife, apart from the random errant thoughts I think many guys have, like would I prefer her over some random theoretical woman I might meet tomorrow that has her exact personality but looks like Christy Brinkley. I thought we were well suited for one another, she ticked all the boxes on my list, we had similar beliefs and value for family. I don't look back and think I had poor judgment, and that if I had to do it all again, I would somehow choose differently. I would have decided to get married to her 10 times out of 10 if I got a do-over. And to this day I still believe that God brought us together for a reason, that we were intended for each other, and that I likely would have been regretting letting her get away for the rest of my life if we hadn't ended up together.

On the other hand, I've also had those thoughts others have mentioned on this thread - my personality is so agreeable that I could have made a good match with many other women, and its hard to imagine not having at least a 50/50 chance of that random next woman to have liked sex more or enjoyed being a wife more. I've also had those thoughts about if I were a widower, what I would look for in a second marriage. It for sure would include someone with a more favorable outlook to sexuality.
Tantalum
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Re: What do you think about your Partner?

Post by Tantalum »

The problem I have with this question: how do we know if the One is the One?
If your marriage is happy: great. But you cannot exclude the possibility that you would have been happy with someone else, if circumstances had not lead you to your spouse.
Likewise, if your marriage is not happy: maybe you would never have found anybody you would have been happy with anyway. Pessimistic but not implausible.
On the basis that nothing happens without God’s permission (Matthew 10:29), how do we know who is the One? Maybe the one that you don’t think is the One is the one you are supposed to be with.
In all honesty, I’ve seen all sorts of scenarios. Couples who were deliriously happy, then one day split up. Couples who looked like “what on earth have these two people got to do with each other?” staying together.
I think I just have to admit I don’t understand relationships.
mywifesman
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Re: What do you think about your Partner?

Post by mywifesman »

Interesting issue of there being "The ONE." Biblically speaking, there is no "One" person anyone should marry! God gave us freedom of choice. We're created with freedom of will. However, He did give us principles and parameters as to who to marry. And while there are characteristics to look for in a potential spouse, primarily, they are to be a Believer in Christ. But just like a whole host of other questions God doesn't typically show us to, like exactly what college major or what job to go after, to "do this or do that," He instead gave us moral principals as to how we are to conduct our free will. And so, as long as we marry another Believer, we are free to marry whomever we so and mutually desire. Of course, there are things we should use our God-given brains to discern - like, a range of compatibility considerations, etc., before marriage.

But, just imagine, if there were only "The One" or some supposed "soul mate" God wants us to marry - well, just imagine the international train wreck that would occur across the world. If had desired Johnny to marry Sue, but Sue married Harry instead - then that would would foul up the marriage of the woman God supposedly picked to marry Harry as opposed to Sue. And thus, Johnny, who was "supposed" to marry Sue, would have messed up the supernatural marriage matrix per his secondary wife choice, as well as hers, and so on. So, we have freedom of choice in all matters, per God's principles for living, and not per some cosmic directive we receive from Him. And, of course, we should all depend upon God to strengthen and protect our marriages.
Tantalum
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Re: What do you think about your Partner?

Post by Tantalum »

mywifesman wrote: Wed Jul 10, 2024 9:24 am Interesting issue of there being "The ONE." Biblically speaking, there is no "One" person anyone should marry! God gave us freedom of choice. We're created with freedom of will.
Well, there are some Biblical stories that suggest that a spouse might be chosen by God. Isaac meeting Rebekah. Also in the Book of Tobit, “she was destined for you from eternity” (i.e. Sarah for Tobias. I know that’s only in the Catholic Bible, but still…)
mywifesman wrote: Wed Jul 10, 2024 9:24 am
But, just imagine, if there were only "The One" or some supposed "soul mate" God wants us to marry - well, just imagine the international train wreck that would occur across the world. If had desired Johnny to marry Sue, but Sue married Harry instead - then that would would foul up the marriage of the woman God supposedly picked to marry Harry as opposed to Sue. And thus, Johnny, who was "supposed" to marry Sue, would have messed up the supernatural marriage matrix per his secondary wife choice, as well as hers, and so on. […]
It must happen all the time! Explains a lot of the mess we’re in! Otherwise where do all those awfully bad marriages come from? What if God indeed chose a spouse for you but you, in your spiritual blindness and general unwillingness to open your heart and listen to Him, thought you knew best and chose somebody else? Intriguing thought. :D
mywifesman
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Re: What do you think about your Partner?

Post by mywifesman »

Tantalum wrote: Wed Jul 10, 2024 11:31 am What if God indeed chose a spouse for you but you, in your spiritual blindness and general unwillingness to open your heart and listen to Him, thought you knew best and chose somebody else? Intriguing thought. :D
Well, I've known many Christians with very lengthy and successful marriages - yet, never met anyone who said God told them to marry their spouse. Of course, if one KNEW God was telling them to do anything, they should do it. But I've no personal knowledge of such a situation. But I'm pretty sure God wanted Adam to marry Eve. :lol:
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