The more sexual, the more submissive?

What about headship and submission? Unsaved spouse? Other marriage roles.
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SeekingChange
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Re: The more sexual, the more submissive?

Post by SeekingChange »

@2pak, I appreciate reading what you shared.
2pak wrote: Tue Sep 13, 2022 10:06 am I know her needs better than she does. I literally can tell when she needs comfort, praise, direction, a soft place to land, etc... she gets these things from me with no expectation of specific returns.
Do you feel this is the majority of husbands? To me it feels like it would be the minority. For example, we just had @Mrs.Nerd share a very commical story of her husband totally missing her "needs". It seems to men some people/personalities/giftings just aren't as intuitive to the depths and real needs of others.

In those cases, what would your advice be to that husband and wife? If a wife has to constantly say what she needs, and he seems to not ever get it on his own, isn't that a form of her having to take the lead? I guess at the very least, or maybe it's the worst... it leaves her feeling unknown and like she really can't trust that he will take care of her needs, therefore it lacks that place of safety and security.
God can change what people do, behavioral patterns that have been in play for decades. He can change what we do to cope, to find comfort, to survive conflict, to count. Rahab had done a same old thing for years... and then she did something new.
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Re: The more sexual, the more submissive?

Post by 2pak »


SeekingChange wrote:@2pak, I appreciate reading what you shared.
2pak wrote: Tue Sep 13, 2022 10:06 am I know her needs better than she does. I literally can tell when she needs comfort, praise, direction, a soft place to land, etc... she gets these things from me with no expectation of specific returns.
Do you feel this is the majority of husbands? To me it feels like it would be the minority.

It seems to men some people/personalities/giftings just aren't as intuitive to the depths and real needs of others.

In those cases, what would your advice be to that husband and wife?
I agree with you, I believe the majority of husbands do not know - for various reasons. Some stumble into meeting a few without knowing, which helps. I did.

I see why you would say that some personalities ( a topic you know I like :)) aren't as intuitive but I am no special snowflake. I am one of the least intuitive people attuned to the needs of others.

My advice? Based on study, observation and application, her true needs were not that many. Its not hard to figure out and you dont have to be attuned. Many answers tend to lie within the man if he is willing to do some personal work.



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Re: The more sexual, the more submissive?

Post by Deleted User 2085 »

There is a theory about DOM/sub relationships which states the submissive partner is being submissive, not out of sexual drive, but as a tactic to avoid all personal responsibilities for the relationship.
By being sub, the sub does not have to make choices, does not have to initiate any actions whether or not they be sexual. The sub takes the passive, obedient role, just obeying orders. If one lives with constant anxieties about taking personal emotional risks in a relationship; this is a rather effective "survival" tactic.
A personal emotional risk would be stating and requesting a particular action of engagement with one's spouse. The emotional risk is being turned down. This form of anxiety disorder is rather common.
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Re: The more sexual, the more submissive?

Post by 2pak »


bandaddie wrote:There is a theory about DOM/sub relationships which states...

This form of anxiety disorder is rather common.
Not 100% sure I'm following the reason behind your post. This could be the case with some but not certain what you are saying - unless this is just one possible scenario?

There is such an incredibly wide spectrum on these types of relationship structures...

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Re: The more sexual, the more submissive?

Post by Deleted User 2085 »

2pak wrote: Mon Sep 19, 2022 8:50 am
Not 100% sure I'm following the reason behind your post. This could be the case with some but not certain what you are saying - unless this is just one possible scenario?

There is such an incredibly wide spectrum on these types of relationship structures...
I suppose I had trouble following the original post and its purpose. I am not even convinced, at this point, it is of any value in study.
I put forth one possible scenario, though there are, as you say, many possibilities.
I have witnessed so many differing types of submissive relationships, I confess, I no longer have any idea what the word actually means. Maybe it means only what the speaker or writer thinks it means. Maybe it has meaning only for the submissive person speaking the word. I am not certain what it means in the context of the original post of this thread. Thus, I am only guessing and only entering a differing observation, an observation determined by a so-called "expert."
Do I agree with that opinion? Maybe for some submissive people, maybe not. If I am wrong, then all I can say is, "I was only obeying orders."
Frankly, I hold relationship experts in suspicion. I think back on the counselor who said, "I do not see why anyone would think sex is important in a marriage."
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