A cluttered apartment and chaos

What about headship and submission? Unsaved spouse? Other marriage roles.
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Re: A cluttered apartment and chaos

Post by vazny »

Randy wrote: Wed May 17, 2023 9:37 am We live in a decent size house with 2 teenagers and our home is a mess. My wife is an avid clearance shopper. We have tons of clothes that don’t exactly fit, and the color choices are not so desirable. She buys everything in bulk. We have a lot of everything. We travel often, and the luggages are never put away. Every inches of the house are filled with stuff, including the garage. Things are on the tables, chairs, counter, floor. Closet jammed with stuff. My backyard used to be clean until my son built a pond. Now his stuff is all over the backyard. I feel so overwhelmed. I want to rent an apartment and escape from it all.
This is our case.

Perhaps the only difference is that one of our children moved away after the wedding (and I still find "obscure" t-shirts and socks when sorting, about which my daughter tells me: Well, that's my brother's.

Then we also manage to unpack our suitcases after the holiday, but often I still have documents from the holiday for a whole year on the table in the bedroom (storage table, part of the equipment and medicines).

There are often washed, unironed, unfolded and unstored things all over the living room. We have a washing machine and a dryer in a small bathroom, we, especially my daughter, are crazy "clean", so that she wouldn't wear the same things the next day, she is infinitely sensitive to every smell.

I drink unsweetened Coke a lot, so around the apartment there are stores of mineral water for my wife and daughter and colas for me, and then in the living room we have a large container for PET bottles and a press above it. And anyway, we have a lot of empty PETs lying around on the floor, especially now that I've been sick in bed for a few days with fevers.

Two guinea pigs live in cages behind me, which my wife got from a kindergarten teacher colleague. That colleague has an extensive breeding of guinea pigs.

There is a lot of medical documentation and vouchers for further examinations around the apartment, which we have to carry with us from doctor to doctor. Now I lost an important rheumatology referral from the surgeon because the joints in my hands started to swell and hurt. Everyone gives me books as an intellectual and I have nowhere to put them.

And clothes and bedding are also increasing faster than they are decreasing. Almost according to your description, except that we have less space and less money. I also got 2 shirts for my birthday from my wife yesterday, which I don't like very much (the shirts, I'm quite satisfied with my wife's design :) ) and I bought some socks - not exactly what I want either - online shopping is insidious. They don't have the ones I used to have anywhere.

And on top of that, I have a few bags of different cables, boxes and light bulbs, when I recently remodeled our apartment to make it more Smart. When we moved in 15 years ago, we discovered that the electrical wiring in the apartment was broken. Unfortunately, in our country (CZ in the EU) the real estate agency does not guarantee this. According to the lawyer, it wouldn't be worth suing the guy who sold it. So we had to have the installations redone very quickly, moreover in a concrete house where you have to cut into concrete panels, which is terribly noisy (condominium) and you shouldn't do much. The communists solved it with visible plastic electrical strips and boxes around the apartments. The wife hates it, so I had remote switches made in places and some of the wires run in designer floor frills.

And those radio remote switches started not working after 15 years, so I converted it to a much cheaper Chinese current version, which can also do with wifi. And in addition, this way I have the option to switch off in some rooms in my mobile phone, and my wife has a second switch in the bedroom by the bed. But it is far from finished, I was hampered by illness, work, my son's wedding and moving, my daughter's room renovation and depression. So I have a few ideas, some I forgot and a lot of parts in the bag. And I left my son due wedding who willingly helped.
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Re: A cluttered apartment and chaos

Post by BHF »

Have you heard of adaptive cleaning? It's taking into consideration the fact that you do have physical and/or mental limits that affect the way you clean, and if you have the capacity do certain tasks. Sarah McGlory blogs / TikToks / Facebooks extensively about this, and suggests having a low capacity (where you only do the absolute necessary in a day eg. feed the critters, clean surfaces, make bed), medium capacity (maybe add running a vacuum, and doing one load of laundry a day), and high capacity (deep cleaning tasks you never get to).

See what you can declutter (i.e. throw away, don't even consider giving or donating it because it doesn't sound as if you have the bandwidth to even think about those decisions right now) for 5 minutes today. And that's it. Tomorrow, if you can, repeat it. As you start slowly taking action, perhaps other family members will do the same. If not, it's okay. It's just 5 minutes of throwing stuff away. You need to be kind to yourself, as you would be kind to someone else in the same position.
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