Is your spouse putting their parents ahead of your marriage?

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MrEden
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Is your spouse putting their parents ahead of your marriage?

Post by MrEden »

If your spouse is (or was) putting their parents or other family members ahead of your marriage, please PM me.

Thank you.
1LuckyHusband
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Re: Is your spouse putting their parents ahead of your marriage?

Post by 1LuckyHusband »

I know this is old, but I figured I'd reply openly. My wife has a great relationship with her family and her family is actually one of the most functional families I've ever been around. Truly blessed!

My wife, though, has a tendency to totally back-burner me when she's around her family and sister. They live a few hours away, so we see them maybe monthly, but when they're around, she's drawn to them and away from me.

I've shared with her how it makes me feel and shed light on things she's done or said that show she favors them or shows them preference. I know it's a special time so I've lowered my expectations when we're there. We've worked through it and sometimes hit bumps along the way, but overall it's much better.

My wife has also been intentional to give me sexual attention leading up to visiting them because she knows it'll likely be a bit of a drought sexually and emotionally while we visit. It's loving of her to do make that a priority.
Just a boy in love with the most amazing woman I know.
MrEden
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Re: Is your spouse putting their parents ahead of your marriage?

Post by MrEden »

Thanks for reaching out. What a pleasant surprise!

Glad that you two are able to talk about this and work things out. Thanks for sharing and the encouragement of your success. It is good to resolve this now. The time may be coming when they will be living with you. If that happens, you certainly don't want a permanent dry spell.

Continued blessings on you and your marriage.
Deleted User 2085

Re: Is your spouse putting their parents ahead of your marriage?

Post by Deleted User 2085 »

Is your spouse putting their parents ahead of your marriage?

At one time, YES.

Once, when we were relocated due to a change in assignment, my M-I-L took a map and measured the distance between our new home, her home and my parents home.
She complained bitterly because we were about 10 miles closer to my parents, actual distance being over a couple of hundred miles from both homes.
She made life [email protected] for my wife and my wife refused to stand up to her. My wife spoke to me of moving so we could make it better.
I received a phone from our security people, telling me of a woman, not my wife, who was attempting to get my assignment changed.

As stated elsewhere, I issued an ultimatum: Be married to me or be married to mom. Make a total commitment or i walk.

I think that time in our marriage would have made a great premise and script for a 1970's sit-com.
MrEden
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Re: Is your spouse putting their parents ahead of your marriage?

Post by MrEden »

Hi Bandaddie--

Thanks for your reply and your encouraging success story.
Make a total commitment or i walk.
Good for you! I am sympathetic towards her for having controlling parents and trying to follow the Biblical requirement to honor them anyway. But I am being way too weak. My last conversation with my counselor was along these lines. Thanks for the confirmation!
Deleted User 2802

Re: Is your spouse putting their parents ahead of your marriage?

Post by Deleted User 2802 »

bandaddie wrote: Wed Sep 07, 2022 10:50 am Is your spouse putting their parents ahead of your marriage?

As stated elsewhere, I issued an ultimatum: Be married to me or be married to mom. Make a total commitment or i walk.

I think that time in our marriage would have made a great premise and script for a 1970's sit-com.
See, my current life is similar to that. Just without the military assignment, and loads of health issues on my end.
And it's me who was the spineless one, not the woman I hope to marry. >_>
Deleted User 2085

Re: Is your spouse putting their parents ahead of your marriage?

Post by Deleted User 2085 »

MrEden wrote: Fri Sep 09, 2022 1:54 pm Hi Bandaddie--

Thanks for your reply and your encouraging success story.
Make a total commitment or i walk.
Good for you! I am sympathetic towards her for having controlling parents and trying to follow the Biblical requirement to honor them anyway. But I am being way too weak. My last conversation with my counselor was along these lines. Thanks for the confirmation!
Something I told her; giving in to controlling parents is NOT, in any way, Biblical.
According to Genesis 2:24, the bond between husband and wife is to be stronger than the bond between parent and child: “Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.” It does not say a “child” or an “adolescent” leaves Mom and Dad. It implies an “adult.” Although, it specifically states "man" it implies the woman must take an active part in leaving home or there can never be any following of this, God's word and order for life. It is the parents’ job to make sure their child leaves home as an adult, not still journeying to become one. Once the parents have completed their job, they must stand back. Parents will not live forever so their children must live on without them. If not, all shall parish.
Deleted User 2085

Re: Is your spouse putting their parents ahead of your marriage?

Post by Deleted User 2085 »

Just to bring things up to date:
I have been going through my late M-I-L's financial papers, closing out all details, taxes, ETC.
I found a copy of letter written to "Dear Abby."
The letter was published in the news paper.
M-I-L told Dear Abby she had been hurt deeply by her daughter, an only child. She had planned, her whole time as a parent, for her daughter to be her full time companion in her retirement, traveling the world with her, living with her.
She stated her daughter "ran off suddenly with some shady foreign man." She said she will never forgive that man for stealing her daughter and she will never forgive her daughter for betraying her.
She told Dear Abby she was looking for ways of destroying the marriage, for she "had to prove the evil she saw in it."
She asked for advice. She also asked Dear Abby to warn other parents of the treacherousness of their own children.
Dear Abby suggested psychiatric counseling.
I am afraid, my wife saw the letter. It opened, and infected wounds of the heart I had thought were long healed. At least, she has been clingy the past few days. She knows where to find her most loyal support.
I doubt Charles Dickens could have written a piece of fiction to match reality.
So far as sex goes: A close associate has tested positive for COVID. I have to wait longer for my required surgery. Sex is too painful for me right now. Wife finds comfort in making love.
MrEden
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Re: Is your spouse putting their parents ahead of your marriage?

Post by MrEden »

Thanks Bandaddie.
Although, it specifically states "man" it implies the woman must take an active part in leaving home or there can never be any following of this, God's word and order for life.
Agreed. There is no controversy about this at all. And when it says "it is not good for MAN to be alone, it can be translated "mankind."

My wife was raised a Christian and is a Christian. She has been counseled on Genesis 2. in one ear and out the other.

Your Dear Abby post hits too close to home. So close it is almost eery.

Seeing a counselor, alone.

Praying for you that you get your needed surgery soon.
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