FIL with dementia

Money, In-laws, and other things that drive you crazy.
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Joined: Sat Feb 25, 2023 3:50 pm

FIL with dementia

Post by Lynn »

Amongst other issues going on, pile on my FIL who has dementia and a husband who can’t handle it.
I don’t even know where to start this or how to explain. My fil has dementia and my husband and his dad has not had a good relationship most of my husband life for various reasons.
Today he wanted to take his dad to our daughter and son in laws . He text our son in law and I don’t think they really wanted anyone over but hubby ignored the txt and took his dad anyway. Then got up said because he felt they should never tell their parents or his grandpa no and if this is the way they feel he won’t go over again. Isn’t this being childish?
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Re: FIL with dementia

Post by MrEden »

Hi Lynn--

Can I ever sympathize. Both of my my wife's parents are senile. She never had a good relationship with them -- they were distant when she was growing up. She was raised by the help.

She is obsessed with caring for them.

She is desperate for her parents' approval. She put her parents first, before our marriage, moving them in with us without my agreement, after agreeing to put them in assisted living. She refused to get help caring for them, wanting to do it all herself. She relieved her brother of any responsibility for them.

Adults being beholden to their parents is not that uncommon. I like that TV series "Undercover Boss." A lot of those highly-successful CEOs crave their parents' approval.
Lynn wrote:Then got up said because he felt they should never tell their parents or his grandpa no
Big red flag.

The best advice I can offer is to insist that your husband put you and your marriage first. Scripture is clear about this. My mistake was going along with my wife when she made decisions against me and our marriage, in order to keep the peace. It is much harder to fix things now than it would have been if had I stood firm early on.

As for your son-in-law, he is going to have to be firm and direct with your husband. If your husband is as obsessed with his father as my wife is, he isn't going to pick up on subtilties.

Praying for you and your marriage.
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