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Personally I don’t want to see my x and her husband daily in my FB feed, and I am not friends with my x on FB she was following me on IG but I wasn’t following her and we both followed each other on Tik Tok, cause she’s posted videos of the kids, but not many…. My DW saw this morning and wasn’t too happy saying if you wanna be with her…. I’m like wait a minute…. You know that’s not what I want…. Her insecurities make it like it’s a trust issue.
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-it could be an insecurity…but could it be something she sees and you don’t?
-has your ex violated boundaries? Interrupted your private or parenting time? Overly involved in your marriage?
-is it really critical for you to get pics or videos that way?
-or are there other sources?
-if it’ll bring peace to your marriage, why not block your ex?
-if your wife has an issue, it’s now your issue too because you’re married.
My wife’s response: divorce is ugly and we aren’t made, and God’s design isn’t, to be married to more than one person with this shared intimacy. We were wired & made for a one flesh relationship with one person and this is especially hard for women. Men seem to handle it differently. (We literally just finished a “girl code” discussion at lunch that my wife had in two different instances about acceptable behavior with best friend’s spouses and another about women's responses talking about their friend’s ex’s.)
I think you have to seriously consider your wife’s feelings and what it does to her. Yes, you are still co-parents to your kids with your ex but it doesn’t mean you have to receive pics from her or have ways to DM her privately. This is the woman you said you’d forsake all others and sometimes it means doing things for their sake…sometimes it is also for our own sake, it just takes us longer to see.
Personally, I completely blocked my ex in the first year after our divorce. I didn’t want to see anything she posted as it didn’t help me heal. I was getting angry about the stuff she was posting that our kids could see because it wasn’t always good choices. Right now, my ex can only communicate with me via email or calling my office #; due to her selfish and poor behavior, I blocked her from my phone two years ago. Our boys are adults (23-27) but she has violated boundaries and wreaked havoc on myself, at times, my wife and so this is where we are at today…after 14 yrs of divorce.
In your Introduction Post you directly said you settled for your now wife. No one here can know to what degree you were serious when you said that, or how true it is. However, even if there's just a small amount of truth to it, don't you think your now wife would be able to sense something is wrong and thus be (quite correctly) insecure about your relationship? While that may appear (incorrectly) in how she interprets your relationship with your ex, I think the underlying issue with the insecurity may be quite justified.
Have you tried talking to your wife about the roots of her insecurity? Are they coming from the situation you described in your Introduction? Do they come from past experiences in her own life? Both? All the above and more?