Catching Your Kids Masturbating! How Did You Feel?

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BlessedHusband2006
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Re: Catching Your Kids Masturbating! How Did You Feel?

Post by BlessedHusband2006 »

Paradox wrote: Thu May 16, 2024 6:34 pm
BlessedHusband2006 wrote: Thu May 16, 2024 12:32 pm
Paradox wrote: Thu May 02, 2024 6:17 pm
IndyDad wrote: Thu Apr 25, 2024 12:27 am So even to this day, masturbation is a dirty secret. We potty train our kids. We teach him about stranger danger. And yet most parents don’t talk honestly and completely to their children about masturbation. It’s funny how some things never change.
I believe that knowing "when and how much" to teach a child about masturbation is decided by too many factors to compute. If it is done too soon, the child can be either crushed, embarrassed, or just left uninformed. If you do it wrong, it may affect her feelings about sex for the rest of her life. A son may somehow hear that pornography (for the sake of masturbation) is OK, even when that was never brought up. Too strict or shaming about catching the adolescent and their psyche is dented in just the wrong place.
With our three sons, we watched for "signs" they were masturbating; for instance, rolls of toilet paper are frequently found by their bed, and then something has to be brought up. Brothers may complain that the bathroom is "always" occupied. If they are actually discovered masturbating, we excused ourselves, then talked more directly about masturbation a few hours later; we talked about the timing, frequency, location and hygiene in about a 10 minute instructional set, let them know it was a gift in moderated amounts, asked if their was anything they wanted to ask, and then we stood up and left the room purposefully, so they would not feel the shame of having to walk away. It worked very well for us.
I will also note that about the time they started masturbating, they could haul 4X as much hay as before!
How did you talk about separating porn (which is very bad and a temptation for teens) and masturbation?
They were homeschooled, so we could control the computer part of that very closely. When they did have computer access, I monitored their access history closely. When the eldest son's showed websites with lots of breasts, I invited him to the computer room, started discussing some obtuse subject, and hit a key that pulled up his last search. Sitting with my back to the screen, I could not see it, but he was face to face with huge, naked breasts. When he could not stand it any longer, I looked, and then we discussed the dangerous allure of nudity, and more, and that it is degrading to women, and men, and that he had to make a choice everyday whether to lust, or not. I said that if this happened again, he and I would have his mother sit with us. I also told him that woman was someone else's wife, and that he would never want his own (future) wife to be subjected to this kind of viewership and abuse. Therefore, everytime he degraded another woman by viewing her nakedness, he hurt his own wife and mother.
I did not link it directly to masturbation in that discussion.
That is brilliant! We also home school our kids and we are entering that age where we need be hyper-vigilant of the websites they go to and searches. Thank you for sharing your insight!
Jennyofboys
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Re: Catching Your Kids Masturbating! How Did You Feel?

Post by Jennyofboys »

I have been caught as a teenager and I have also caught my teenagers. Yes it’s embarrassing but it is not the end of the world. It is very normal for boys and girls to masturbate.
LovingCouple
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Re: Catching Your Kids Masturbating! How Did You Feel?

Post by LovingCouple »

Oldbear wrote: Thu Apr 11, 2024 1:51 pm I’m blessed with a mother that may have been way ahead of her time. She was born in the first decade of the 20th century. A strong, spiritually mature woman and very sex positive. She also loved sex because she had nearly a dozen biological children!

I recall at an early age - probably 8 years old - seeing seeing a Sears massager (folks, this was a vibrator - a first of its kind!!) by her bedside. She comfortably explained she and daddy used it to relax and stress release. :D In later life, I realized that mom and dad used an ‘adult toy’ and enjoyed masturbation!

I also recall how my mother openingly talked to me about wet dreams and masturbation. It was so natural and healthy and I’ve never felt guilty about masturbating.

I never walked in on our daughters or son when they were masturbating though we (my wife and I are avid advocates and practitioners of masturbation) know that they enjoyed masturbating as teenagers.

They knew masturbation was healthy and knew that they could do so whenever they wanted to or needed to do so!!
What a wonderful upbringing you had! Although we were baptists, I too had a very sex and pleasure positive mother who would talk openly with me about all sexual matters, including masturbation. I was never taught that it was bad, or dirty, but that it was a beautiful and healthy thing to be enjoyed.
RuggedAmerican
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Re: Catching Your Kids Masturbating! How Did You Feel?

Post by RuggedAmerican »

My dad was fine with masturbation, he even suggested it as a way to deal with sexual urges before marriage (along with coming up with ideas to try with a future wife).

If I accidently caught them masturbating, I'd try to discreetly remove myself from that situation. If we hadn't talked about the topic yet, I'd try and get to it at a future date but not necessarily right after. I'd emphasize that there's nothing wrong with it, it's healthy, but it shouldn't be used as part of fantasizing about other people.
Rugged American (as called by my European wife)
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