NotDoneYet wrote: ↑Tue Sep 06, 2022 2:33 am
1. Did you initiate the conversation of accountability following an experience you had (re-active) or as a pro-active measure to try and safeguard them from seeing content they shouldn't?
Some kind of filter was part of the deal of them getting a device that had internet access. It wasn't smart phones to begin with. We homeschool, so our kids had no need for them so they were "late-bloomers" in that area.
Last I heard, the average age of of first exposure to porn was 8 or 9. I can't see that your son hasn't seen it, especially if he's had his own internet device for some time. Common apps like TikTok, Instagram, and such are easy gateways to that stuff. Snap Chat is a "safe" way to exchange inappropriate pics with friends and others.
Also be aware, where there's a will, there's a way. People, including kids, find ways to work around things, if they desire. One of our sons was 14 when he came to us confessing his "porn addiction", that started at 13, and he was seeking help for it.
2. What are your / their thoughts around trust, and the possibility that such measures will give the impression that they cannot be trusted?
They have basically grown up hearing the testimony of their dad and his porn issue, and hearing how to help with it. We have always taught them how to help prevent sin, in more areas than just this one. The whole "trust" issue was never a problem/issue. My husband actually reciprocated for time so that they were his partners as well. It was after another funny incident that changed.... when I sent a boob shot when we were apart....and then I recalled about CE and a son may get a blurred screen shot of it. That's when my husband dropped others as his CE acct. partners and just started using me
A 13 year old boy, at the beginning of puberty, with surges of hormones he has never experienced before..... it's not about not trusting them (though I wouldn't), it's about trusting that the experience is so new and so strong, as dad/parent, you need to come along side them and say, "let's walk this together....[this] may be some what you will experience, and here are some ways to handle it and ways we can help stay away from the cliffs edge of falling into sin." It's a great opportunity to live/present the gospel and show their need for Jesus... sin is powerful (even when we know it's wrong) and the only way to kill it and the beast that lives within, is by and through Jesus.
3. Up until what age will you implement this? At what stage do you hand over to them and trust that they will do the right thing?
However long our children desire it. All of our children (23, 21, 20, 18) want it, and so they still use it. The oldest is married and has 2 kids. He doesnt use CE, but another accountability filter. For a time, he had none, and then he got one with his wife and a friend as his accountability. But then he ended up putting his dad back on.
Again, because dad set the example, this was never made about trusting/not trusting. This was presented as a tool
to help one do the right that they desire to do..... because if one truly desires the wrong, they will do it and find a way around any safety filter on a device. (For example, the first filter used, was free but it had ads. It was just a filter, no screenshots, no accountability reports, etc. A son found if you clicked on the ad, it took him to where he had freedom to search anything he wanted.)
She was terrified that her dad might get a report on her, and see her! 
Oops, but I couldn't stop laughing, thinking of that potential scenario playing out in my mind. especially when my husband responds with a line out of Blended where the widowed father raising 3 girls, catches his daughter trying to stuff her bra, and he responds with "Fist bump. We both need this!" My daughter was able to find it all hilarious too, after the initial fear.
