Navigating an 18 year old

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Katydid
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Navigating an 18 year old

Post by Katydid »

My son is 18 and just finished high school. He wants to get his CDL class A license so we enrolled him in the local CDL school in the federal youth program so he can get his unrestricted CDL A license at 18 instead of waiting until he's 21. The problem is he's kind of being a slug about it. I went ahead and set everything up because I'm paying for it, but he's got this idea that it'll all just come easy to him and hasn't been putting in much effort. Now, he's frustrated that he's struggling with the quizzes and homework. He's been cussing and swearing at the computer and whining about it to his girlfriend. He's frustrated and calling the program foul names.

I confronted him and told him that if he's going to swear and pull attitude I'm withdrawing him from the program and getting my money back and he can figure it out himself when he's 21.

Ugh, my parents never had to put up with any of this nonsense. We all were self-driven and knew how to study and pass exams.

I get it. He learns better kinetically. He'll probably ace the driving portion, but part of all of this is having the brain smarts and reading comprehension and gumption to pull through the written portions.

When he got his learner's permit for regular driving when he was 16 he barely passed the written exam. However, he aced his license road test because he's terrible at written tests but can drive like a pro. The kid was born with a clutch and steering wheel! But, I get enough miserable and f-bomb attitude from his father. I don't want any more of it from anyone else.
Paradox
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Re: Navigating an 18 year old

Post by Paradox »

Personally, I would rather believe that men/women of such temperament are not behind the wheels of large objects aimed 24' from my wife's side mirror. I say, "Shut him down."
newwifenewlife
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Re: Navigating an 18 year old

Post by newwifenewlife »

How did he respond to your threat to take away the program and make him wait to figure it out later on his own?

Seems like a good opportunity to talk about life, its challenges, character, temperament, abilities, effort, hard work, and attitude in difficult situations.
Ron
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Re: Navigating an 18 year old

Post by Ron »

He has to learn that things he wants has to be earned. Pretty much any kind of a license has to be earned, CDL, teacher, electrician, any professional really. You have to show you know what you are supposed to know.

It takes two things to be successful, you need the physcial and/or mental ability to do it AND put out the work to do it. I know lots of people that can do something, but don't want to put out the work to do it.
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MiddleMan
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Re: Navigating an 18 year old

Post by MiddleMan »

It's very nice that you are offering to pay for this. I have two sons who did not finish college. They both went to work for a construction company that buries lines and pipes. They had the offer to get a CDL through work and that came with a raise. One son did it, the other thought it was too much reading and studying. And the one who didn't do it is the one who is a MUCH better driver, but he hates to read. Anyway, my point is, perhaps he should find a job like that where he does grunt work for a few years and then has the opportunity to get the CDL or something like that.
newwifenewlife
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Re: Navigating an 18 year old

Post by newwifenewlife »

MiddleMan wrote: Tue Jul 02, 2024 6:35 am It's very nice that you are offering to pay for this. I have two sons who did not finish college. They both went to work for a construction company that buries lines and pipes. They had the offer to get a CDL through work and that came with a raise. One son did it, the other thought it was too much reading and studying. And the one who didn't do it is the one who is a MUCH better driver, but he hates to read. Anyway, my point is, perhaps he should find a job like that where he does grunt work for a few years and then has the opportunity to get the CDL or something like that.
Intrinsic motivation is always a great motivator for the long-term.
Katydid
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Re: Navigating an 18 year old

Post by Katydid »

newwifenewlife wrote: Tue Jul 02, 2024 1:26 am How did he respond to your threat to take away the program and make him wait to figure it out later on his own?

Seems like a good opportunity to talk about life, its challenges, character, temperament, abilities, effort, hard work, and attitude in difficult situations.
He changed his attitude, put in the effort, watched his mouth, did the work, and even did extra work. Today, I didn't have to "babysit" him at all for the course. He did very well on his own.

Here's the thing, there's a culture of "mom does it all" in the house, and a culture of "weaponized incompetence" and "everything is everyone else's fault" that my husband brought in. My son recognizes this and dislikes it in his father, but sometimes defaults to it, himself. I reminded him that he was behaving in the ways he doesn't like in his dad and he shaped up.
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