What would you do?

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What would you do?

Post by vazny »

It's an older story. But I'd be interested in your opinion?

When I was 18 years old, my father died and shortly after that my grandmother and grandfather died. I was already a Christian at that time, so I tried to tell my grandfather something about God, but my grandmother refused completely.

Mom married a new husband a few years later, but he turned out to be a cheater and thief who didn't work, was convicted several times (as we found out from his papers after his death) for not paying child support to his daughter. Technically he was a lawyer, but he got that degree from police school under the communists and these people were disbarred by the bar association. Apparently he even worked in the State Secret Police from where he was fired. Which my mother never knew, she was persecuted by the communists herself. But she fell in love with him and didn't see or hear.

During her lifetime, he secretly sold her property, went into debt and destroyed her business. He ended up working on the street as a street sweeper. Mom wasn't very active either, so she ended up with a minimal pension. She hated my wife and may have thrown the phone at her when they had a fight where my mom claimed she paid for our wedding. (My wife's parents paid for most of it).

And one day our "handy" police officers told my kids on the house phone that Daddy had died. (Well, he was a step-grandfather...) Then my mom told me that a few weeks before that, the official executor had been over to their house and had listed her possessions, the last few historical paintings that my husband hadn't stolen. (The stolen ones were hidden in a hideout built to keep out the communists and Nazis - and he found them.)

I stepped in. Thankfully, everything else except one foreclosure debt was extinguished with the settlement of the estate. There were a number of mistakes, and the courts did things then that the Constitutional Court later outlawed. I had to get a lawyer to do it.

But subsequently my mother found herself almost destitute for a period of time before she sold the paintings. The last thing left of my grandparents and their family.

My wife didn't like the idea of us supporting my mom at all, because she treated her abominably and also smoked at least 20 cigarettes a day. Eventually my mom ended up on psychiatric medication and in and out of rehab several times and had a sort of psychosis. My social worker friend told me that it was my moral obligation to take care of my mom though, that we couldn't hold her morally responsible anymore. It almost broke up our marriage.

The kids and my wife practically refused to go there to clean up, and social services refused to do it too, because Mom didn't want to give up the many jobs and files she had on the ground as a former part-time college teacher and unpaid municipal politician. I had a hard time fixing up her apartment so she had a working toilet, refrigerator and washing machine. (Sometimes she would call me to tell me she had screwed up the duvets so we could go change her during the day, etc.)

How do you deal with parents who are no longer self-sufficient but are also totally toxic? And they don't have their retirement savings - through their own fault, and circumstances.

What if the husband doesn't agree to custody?

She eventually got lung cancer and died a few days later in hospice.
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Re: What would you do?

Post by Better...Understanding »

Yes I must agree, this not an easy fix solution .
Make It Your Highest Priority For Daily Best Loving & Enjoying . . .
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