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Shared activities

Other non-sexual marriage issues.
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California King
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Re: Shared activities

Post by DoveGrey »

SeekingChange wrote: Sat Feb 13, 2021 6:15 am @Dovegrey, You're a good shot with a rifle? For me it's very easy to adjust with a pistol....it's the rifle I have issues with.
I couldn't even tell you why. I just adjust, aim, and fire. I do not own a firearm, nor do I ever plan to due to my mental illness. I don't ever want that risk to my safety in my house. So I don't shoot enough to even say what it is I'm doing. But the times I've been to a range with friends, people comment on my skill. I'm sure they think that whatever it is I have is wasted on someone who will never do anything with it.
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Shared activities

Post by LBD »

Coming late to the party here, but I’ll share my thoughts without reading the entire thread.

It is simply as important as you make it. No more, no less. What is important is to figure out your proposed spouse’s thoughts on this, because long term, things change. If you both enjoy kayaking for instance, it is highly possible that one day, one of you may no longer enjoy it or can’t do it anymore. Then what? If one or both of your relationship was built around a shared experience, then you could now be in rough water (pun intended.)

I think the key is to share as many experiences as possible with each other and thereby learn the deeper, enduring things about your spouse and thereby learn to love those. They will be there no matter how your hobbies or interests change.

ETA: As an aside - I shoot my bow with both eyes open. Much more accurate that way once you figure it out because archery is very much about proper range estimation, so depth perception is a key element. It can be learned.
I also shoot an open sight rifle or pistol similarly. Chris Kyle was known for shooting his scoped rifles with both eyes open. I have tried that and the visual picture is too jumbled for me.

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It is usually futile to try to talk facts and analysis to people who are enjoying a sense of moral superiority in their ignorance. -Thomas Sowell
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Re: Shared activites

Post by Link+Zelda »

WirelessRouter wrote: Wed Feb 10, 2021 1:00 am
Link+Zelda wrote: Tue Feb 09, 2021 6:43 pm Zelda and I are a bit of the oddballs here in that we have many shared interests.
Don't you two have the same love languages too? That sounds really nice to have.
We have the same top three, but they're jumbled up.

Zelda is:
  1. Quality Time
  2. Words of Affirmation
  3. Physical Touch
Link is:
  1. Physical Touch
  2. Words of Affirmation
  3. Quality Time
Despite sharing those top 3, you'd be surprised how much the wires can get crossed. This is especially true because the above are for receiving love, and I tend to give love through Acts of Service (in addition to other three). We've also run into problems with Physical Touch being my #1 when she's touched out from the kids, particularly the first year or so after giving birth.

Even when things are running on all cylinders with easily aligned love languages, that can then become the problem by manifesting itself in the form of complacency. Once complacent, things can erode really slowly without you knowing...basically the whole "slowly warm the water to kill the frog" thing (though, as I understand, that metaphor isn't scientifically accurate). Sometime conflict keeps stuff healthy!
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