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Death and a Surviving Spouse

Other non-sexual marriage issues.
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newwifenewlife
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Re: Death and a Surviving Spouse

Post by newwifenewlife »

Wise and well done Doug. Having each spouse know what and how things are done and what to do in passing is a blessing and a blessing when one passes suddenly.

We also have our separate "mad money" accounts into which money is auto-transferred in on the first of the month. She gets more than me because of the personal care products & hair cut she pays for out of that account. I take a razor to my head every few days and I definitely don't use as much make-up, face cream or moisturizers & skin care as she does. :lol: ) I don't ask what she does with it and it doesn't matter because we've already agreed to the budget.
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newwifenewlife
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Re: Death and a Surviving Spouse

Post by newwifenewlife »

One more thing that I thought of that I've told my wife upon my passing, don't just go through my drawers and start throwing things out, better open things up and see if there's any money in something. Both of us squirrel away a little money on occasion and each jokingly call it our "Get Away From You Fund" but that it'd "only buy a bus ticket to our parents". It's usually somewhere between $200-500 and been as high as $750. She saves up extra grocery money for entertaining, special events or holidays or personal gifted money and mine has been because I want to have something if electricity shuts things down in an emergency or we couldn't get money from the bank when needed. It's allowed us to purchase some larger items on occasion with cash on hand rather than going to the bank.

I mention this because a friend has an estate business and they fan EVERY book and magazine and open & scour all containers, pillows, furniture, etc. for money before their estate sales because people will hide hundreds and thousands of dollars in those kinds of things and the surviving spouse doesn't know about it. A more recent story was that a man's kids replaced an aging father's favorite chair while he was hospitalized. He came home and panicked when he found his chair had been replaced. The man had stored $27k in it and the chair had been given to a non-profit. Thankfully, the chair was located and the missing money retrieved.
Last edited by newwifenewlife on Thu Jul 22, 2021 3:18 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Oldbear
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Re: Death and a Surviving Spouse

Post by Oldbear »

In just a few weeks, we celebrate our 50th anniversary!

The reality of age is increasingly upon Mrs. Oldbear and me. We are more in love, today, than ever before! We deeply like and deeply love each other. Thankfully, we are quite healthy (for our age), active, very engaged in all sorts of meaningful and significant ministries, purposes, hobbies, and initiatives. We also enjoy being together and are comfortable to give each other lots of individual room and time and space.

Our faith and spiritual life is in sync. We minister and serve together, enjoying the generous gifting of our time, talent, and treasure. We pray together often and almost every night before going to sleep.

We both know that unless the Lord takes us together, one of us will be left behind. We have embarked on simplifying our lives, yet our engagement and commitments individually and together mean that if one of us is left behind, there will be some ‘sorting out’ challenges. We have everything documented, a will, living will, all financial, legal, etc. matters and procedures documented, etc.

[A word to all TMBers: no matter your age, length of marriage, amount of assets - little or much, etc. DO NOT PUT OFF writing things down: bank accounts, bills to pay, etc.) For us, the reality of funeral arrangements (all aspects), celebration service, contacts, etc. is a given. We want it to be as easy as possible for each other.

What do we desire or hope for each other as the surviving spouse? It’s 100% in God’s hands with each of us agreeing to embrace the grieving process with family and friends and to live forward! Oh, we’ll miss our amazing love and relationship, but we want each other to be strong and be vital and love and live life to its fullest!
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Olorin
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Re: Death and a Surviving Spouse

Post by Olorin »

Oldbear, congrats on your anniversary! DW and I will be celebrating our 30th this year.

Lots of great stuff in your post. After experiencing all the hard work it took to clear out the residences of our parents (after they had to move to assisted living or passed on), I plan on starting to simplify our life (actually, our kids lives) by getting rid of as much 'stuff' in our house as possible. The 'easy' things to get rid of will be my college and grad school textbooks, notes, etc. The harder things to throw out are the kids toys, some of which they still want to keep. I can understand some of them will be good to pass down (Thomas the Tank Engine, various sets of Legos, etc.), but others don't even work, like all the Nerf guns we bought over the years! DW and I also have consolidated our funds in basically two places, so managing our estate should hopefully be easy for our kids.
Irnmyk
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Re: Death and a Surviving Spouse

Post by Irnmyk »

Don't anyone dare trash a Thomas the Tank Engine toy........ or any of his friends.

(One of the Grandsons, some years ago when he was quite young, as we drove by a major construction site on the way to church, and I exclaimed - for his benefit and entertainment - "look at all the Crankys (the crane)". No, GrandPop, That's Cranky and his friends. Who knew???!!!)

We are trying to pare down after watching a neighbor's survivors get rid of their stuff when they passed. And, they were hoarders of the first-est class. It was quite the ordeal. The hardest part was that some of his stuff was real cool, just the kind of stuff I covet, but I had to realize that at my age, all collecting any of that would do would be to add to what our children would have to deal with when I/we am/are gone.

But, the kids are the worst - no, Mom, don't trash that...... So, we are like, 'well, we'll keep it for you here until you can come get it, but if you don't come soon, it's gone.

But... the above applies to nothing remotely related to Thomas the Tank Engine or his friends....
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Olorin
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Re: Death and a Surviving Spouse

Post by Olorin »

@Irnmyk - Don't worry. The Thomas stuff isn't going anywhere! I also have fond memories of setting the track up for my kids, and of course of watching the innumerable Thomas cartoons. We have it all packed up and hidden away for when one of our kids wants it for their children (if they can find decent spouses...THAT is a subject for another thread...!!!! )

I would be happy to clear out the other cheap junky toys that are broken, etc. Actually, DW recently got rid of a load at a garage sale....Still LOTS and LOTS of stuff.

I still haven't had the heart to clear out a single text book; as long as it is golfing weather I prefer being outside to throwing out my books. DW has actually begun going through them. I saw one of them in a box full of books she was getting rid of, and I instinctivly started to say 'Not that one...it is a good reference...' I guess I am more attached to them than I thought!
LBD
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Re: Death and a Surviving Spouse

Post by LBD »

I asked her if it was ok if I married a redhead with big boobies....she said as long as she can marry a body building millionaire....so, we're good! :lol:

Seriously, she said she would likely never re-marry, especially now that the kids are grown. And her being widowed is a real consideration being as how she almost was not too long ago. She also realizes that I could probably not be happy alone for very long, and she's fine with that.

Finances are a biggie. Get that all out in the open and keep it that way. We have always had joint accounts and ownership in everything. We are "one" in every way possible. The only thing we have separate is each has our own stash of gift monies that we spend on frivolous stuff, but it's not hidden away or nothing.

I don't care what is done for my funeral. I've told all my family to do whatever makes them feel the best because I won't care. DW does want to be cremated.

She doesn't know how much money I have invested in guns....I guess I better write all that down, lest she sell them for how much she thinks I have in them... :lol:
It is usually futile to try to talk facts and analysis to people who are enjoying a sense of moral superiority in their ignorance. -Thomas Sowell
::dog
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vazny
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Re: Death and a Surviving Spouse

Post by vazny »

This is also for me important as I use either some password stored sw and also store pwd in my chrome.

And this is tens of services incl. bank accounts (as normal banks has interests near zero, so I use sometimes adv offers for 1% for new accounts). Brokers etc. Most of this services need also mobile for 2nd level of authentication, so it is also complicated. Some accs are abroad.

I have paper table of this services somewhere in our appt, however it is not very actual.

And also, as am at part time independent consultant, after my death sbd will have to close (very simple) accounting and file tax record and pay the tax, social tax and health insurance tax (Europe).

And for fast access to account, it is necessary to have a wife everywhere register as account agent and set possibility to submit order after death however not all banks has this possibility.

And declare my wife as a trustee of estate, what must be written as part of testament that must be signed in notary office. (After notary receive the note about death over court from state register of persons, he should fast give her power of attorney to dispose with accounts until end of inheritance proceedings.

Very complicated...
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