I think you miss my point. Too many people act like conflict is bad, wrong, and try to avoid it at all cost because all conflict is viewed as unhealthy. This was my wife’s view for a long time. In my first marriage, I chose to avoid certain “third rail” topics and not get outside help to help us and look what happened, I ended up divorced and my ex is now working on her 3rd marriage. Apparently, I thought the loving thing to do was to keep the peace at all costs…I was wrong.Tracking Mill Bench wrote: ↑Tue Jun 07, 2022 3:51 pm @NWNL. One could ask what if confict is bad? Do we need to catagorize types of conflict? Seems at least 2 catagories of conflicts. Those that evolve around Gods laws and other? Not concerned wth other for this post but discussion may cover other as well? Dynamic tentions at times are addressed by Gods law at some level!
You make my point. Proper conflict resolution matures people. Conflict can root out character issues and places where couples are out of alignment. I don’t buy you thinking about spawning other conflicts which are not needed because the original one was not necessary. If a character issue is brought to the surface, “highlighted” as you say, where personal growth is needed, then one can’t claim that it’s not important because God cares about our character. He is working in each of us to become greater reflections of His character and the fruit of His presence. That is part of the beauty of marriage and family, it’s an incubator for God’s character and holiness development. Want to see how unloving one can be? Get married. Want to see how selfish and poorly behaved one can be? Have kids.When there is resolution or both work to an agreed to point where the conflict is defused or provides security and favor to both and family great. Both may feel that the path foward is better and progress was made and it feels good with growth as a couple and or individual And especially if a place God wants us to be too?
Some have unresolved issues concerning Gods laws. I suppose in this case both points of view can be correct for a conflict. But more likely one or both are wrong. If closed with an understanding for both on how to proceed great! And inline with God even better. If the conflct remains unresolved not so good. I would say if the subject conflict is unresolved we have the conflict itself as bad to start with and the results are bad also dealing with it!
If the issue pertains to God's laws some say let your thoughts be known to your mate and let God work to resolution. Grace goes a long way but what if not enough? Some say counceling by trusted elder or similar maybe needed.
If the above efforts remove said conflict cool. Guess one could say conflict was good. If the conflict remains, have to say at that point in time the conflict is bad in that it existed and still does! And may spawn more conflicts or identify others as well which would not be resident if the original conflict did not exist. The new conflicts highlight where more personal growth is needed, but in some respects not needed it seems if the original turmoil was not resident. Like more patience maybe? Just saying.
Again, the major thought to the question is this: what if we chose to embrace conflict as helpful and necessary at times rather than think it is bad and avoided it? Could we have less divorces? Could we have less abuse? Could we see more grace and forgiveness? Could we have more thriving marriages? I believe the answer to those questions and many others positive outcomes is a resounding YES. How we deal with and handle conflict and work towards resolution, displays God’s character, or lack thereof, in our personal lives and relationships and that’s why I believe more people need to view and embrace conflict more often. What’s the alternative? Stonewalling? Growing contempt and criticism? Bitterness? Hardly seems healthy either