Fallen leaders who influence us or not

How does God fit into our sex lives?
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olafthewise
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Re: Fallen leaders who influence us or not

Post by olafthewise »

I am not a good clarifier.
However, I do not know if I am correct on sexual problems in the church among its members and attendees. I am in fact making the assumption that many Christian men feel sexually unfulfilled.
That is my thesis or theory.
Perhaps I am wrong and the church is totally healthy sexually and the divorce rate is much lower than 50% AND the men are just ridiculously over burdened with a sexualized culture that is in our faces.
We can also assume that the gay community is doing great and that they all are happy, well adjusted adults who see God as approving of their sexuality and that the church is filled with unhappy and tyrannical people who push unbelievable dogma to irritate those who are not in agreement. Rubbish.
Many men are in trouble sexually due to sex issues. adultery, fornication and porn have ravished our ability to be the church as described in the Bible.
Reality check;
My sexual starvation really is my fault. I failed in my ability to get a job in 2009 when sex was really sort of normal for us.
I lingered in unemployment for 8 years. Women are very forgiving but have limitations due to family and income, this trickles down into her mood of fear of loss. Loss of house, car, food and clothes. My depression seeps out and my expectations along with the things kids can waste and destroy make me, seem to be in a perpetual poor mood all the time. Add to that little sex and her "limits" on the quality of sex (no details) so, I cannot recover no matter what apology I make. Her tragic childhood vs my failure is a bad mix. Daily life is rather normal. We don't fight much and we don't embrace much and when we do she alludes to her being in a romantic mood which never materializes. She then is tired, sore or worn out and retreats to her other lover (android phone/Facebook, texts to friends, etc).
Am I alone in this sort of marriage where lack of healthy sexual attitude is lackluster and instead just "the way it goes" sorry honey, its your fault. And we just continue doing house chores, kids, grandkids, meals, etc. Divorce is not the answer but in my life I see this weakness as if kryptonite was swallowed and I remain a weak christian in the church and my wife the child rescue person who everyone sees as the ultimate hero. My solid Christian Bible belief is solid. My effectiveness is not. Sex starvation just gnaws at my prayers, and reminds me of the wholesome fact that I am the loser and at 60 there is no recovery but Josh Harris will move on outside of his beliefs he was raised on and I see the brokenness in his past in one event which I was suspect, but now I see it. He moves on in pride of attitude and has much support.
If I have support, its only on this forum which to people who know me and my real name, this forum is nonexistent.
But you are right, I should verbalize my feelings. And if I do, I will still be sex starved. In my wife's attitude I may say, "sorry honey for all my failures and my poor attitude." She would say ok. "be warm and filled." and continue her sex starvation and blame me, old age, her newfound wisdom, and her right to be the victim of trauma in the childhood . Yet she remains fulfilled.
2pak
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Re: Fallen leaders who influence us or not

Post by 2pak »

No one said you should verbalize your feelings. Ìf you do, you're right, you'll still be sex starved. Its one of the many reasons I'm not big on verbal communication so much.

You are also right, women have their limitations. Safety/Security is a big deal - financial, emotional and physical. The less you provide, the less you can expect. Sounds harsh but it's true.
Sounds like you are not providing this and you can't talk your way into it so forget verbalizing feelings. It's weak and useless.

You admitted it's your fault. I think 60 is too young. Too much life to live. What are you going to do? Complain on here or make a road map? I'd like to see you take responsibility and make a road map.





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LBD
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Re: Fallen leaders who influence us or not

Post by LBD »

2pak wrote: Tue Nov 22, 2022 4:07 am
How is it that in our marriage, one spouse can dictate how I should feel sexually
I'm sorry but you are allowing her to dictate how you feel. This is on you.

but the rest of us who wish to remain IN the faith cannot negotiate some common sexual ground that will undoubtedly fill us both??
You cannot negotiate desire
emasculation
Again, on you.
He's heard all of that before. I hope he truly hears it this time...
There are no solutions, only trade-offs. -Thomas Sowell
::dog
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